Fight Myself.

by Boolovesyou

Published October 11, 2011

In Dramatic Poems

Freedom, let it ring
Invitation to my freak
Giving up to the power of your mind
Heat me until I boil,
Trouble and toil.

Meek and shallow
Yet I am not, if only you’d
Shut up for a minute to let me think.
Every word you whisper
Leeks into my hate
Fights my brain, but I never win.

Comments & reviews · 6
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kendallelise
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kendallelise wrote a review Review · Oct 11, 2011

hello! I really enjoyed reading this poem :) the one part where I stumbled was the ending of the first stanza, where you say

Heat me until I boil,
Trouble and toil.

I went back through the poem to make sure I didn't find any other rhymes but couldn't. maybe you should change one of those words so they don't rhyme, or just play with the other words enough till you have a rhyme scheme!

also,
Invitation to my freak
Giving up to the power of your mind


I don't like the phrase "invitation to my freak" feel it disturbs the mood by saying "freak"
and shouldn't "your" in the second line be "giving up to the power of my mind" ?

otherwise, this poem is lovely! good work

smilelikeyoumeanit wrote a review Review · Oct 11, 2011

Hello, I'm going to start by saying I'm reviewing this from my phone so just post on my wall if my writing gets hideous and ill repost it on your wall when I'm on my laptop :) I like the use of the words fight myself down the side but sometimes I feel the message can be a little muddled. The first stanza more so then the second doesn't show the meaning very well.
"invitation to my freak" is a line that I feel muddles the meaning the most. I like the theme of this poem but I think the best way to improve is by using battle imagery :) I really like the idea though and I think there is a lot of promise in this work :)

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PollarBear14
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PollarBear14 commented Comment · Oct 11, 2011

Really liked it. Very clever to write about such a powerful topic in such a simple form. Great work.

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isabellarivas43 Comment
isabellarivas43 commented Comment · Oct 11, 2011

Wonderful! I love it! It's great. :)

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SlyNightOwl
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SlyNightOwl commented Comment · Oct 11, 2011

I love this, especially towards the end where the poem flows into the next line and makes a sentence(: Lovely<3 Although I was a little confused about the last line.



This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot