I wrote this SO long ago, I realize its in a sing song format. However, I wrote this for my love so please criticize and compliment. =D
I want to write a love song,
to take your breath away
I stayed up all night thinking,
about things to say
All the times you heard me.
What greater love could be.
I never saw this comming .
You are the best thing thats happened to me
The words they keep on comming
scrambled in my head.
How do I describe the perfect person?
surely no better words could be said.
Sweet, kind, and loving,
You always hold me up.
You said you would always love me
As the water filled my cup.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,823 Reviews
This is a really good poem for a ten-year-old! I would like to see what you can do now. TheTruthLiesWithin pretty much summed up the grammatical things. And call me dull-headed, but was the water tears? If not, what was the water for? I feel so weird...
Overall, great poem! Keep on writing!
Thanks guys , i did not check the spelling after i posted it. I tried to fix it up some. This is a really old poem. I think I wrote it when I was ten?
Hey there! First, welcome to YWS! I'm Truth and I'll review your poem today
I loved this but you need to be careful with the spelling. If you need to, use the spellchecker before posting. Beside this, it was pretty good
-Truth-
I like this, it is kind of 'sing song'. Just a few corrections, and I added some punctuation.
I want to write a love song
to take your breath away#FF0000 ">.
I stayed up all night thinking
about things to say#FF0000 ">.
All the times you heard me#FF0000 ">.
What greater love could be#FF0000 ">.
I never saw this comming#FF0000 ">.
You#FF0000 ">'re the best thing thats happened to me#FF0000 ">.
The words they keep on #FF0000 ">coming#FF0000 ">,
scrambled in my head#FF0000 ">.
How do #FF0000 ">I describe the perfect person?
#FF0000 ">Surely no better words could be said#FF0000 ">.
Sweet, kinda, and loving#FF0000 ">,
you always hold me up#FF0000 ">,
you said you would always love me
as the water filled my cup#FF0000 ">.
Just a few corrections but it's a great poem. I like it.