Proving the True

The first half of this poem is omnomnom worthy. And I mean that in the highest regards, of course . Nonetheless, it was that particular beginning that drew me into even reviewing, which I, unfortunately, have not been doing as of late.

Anyhow, I was extremely impressed by those first few lines. In fact, pretty much from 1,1 to 1,8. There is so much good there, and such a lovely, modern look on an old style and an old language. It felt contemporary, and enjoyable due to the fact you were able to capture something really profound whilst sticking to such a stiff structure. The sign of a true marksman if the pen should be your weapon of choice. Merely, I've always been either bored or horribly disappointed by contemporary adaptations of a Shakespearean sonnet, but for this particular sonnet, I was impressed.

At least, almost completely impressed till the last section.

Now, the sentiments are quite vivid throughout the entirety of the sonnet, which is also very Shakespearean, as he rarely delved into emotion he could not portray in these big outbursts of soliloquized goodness. Just that, you really do capture it with your imagery in the beginning. You capture the idea of the moon and stars and the timelessness of sky imagery, but by the time we get to 1,9, you drop that off and go on just bare-boned sentiments.

I really shouldn't say from line 1,9, because that last section is still rather good. Not fantastic, like the earlier bit, but not horrible by any standard.

It's that couplet, though. It just seems far too cheesy for a poem with such a strong backbone. With the sonnet in itself, you've managed to create a ship and filled it to it's bursting with beautiful, interesting, and timeless simile, and then, with that last couplet, managed to throw the finally rock that sinks it. Is that a bit harsh? I feel as if it might have been a bit harsh.

Merely, I dislike that couplet.

Otherwise, this is brilliant work. Really, contemporary sonnets are difficult, and the fact that you don't really go out of your way to use 'thou' and 'thy' and 'thee' is quite a nice touch, too. Because, as much as one must learn from the greats, being cheesy is never fun either.

Anyways, fantastic work. Just tweak that couplet. Or leave it. Really up to you, of course!
~Walker