The sky was blue
When I first met you
We worked together
You joked until I laughed
The night was dark
When you performed
A masterpiece woven
From a thousand strands of music
The air was cold
When I fell for you
I tried to ignore it
It will fade with time, won’t it?
The spring was green
When I knew I loved you
I cherished every moment
Of madness and joy and agony
The sun was hot
When I told you
I don’t know what I expected
But did it have to hurt so much?
My heart was broken
For far too long
So why can’t I extinguish
This feeble, worthless hope?
The sky is blue
I shouldn’t love you
Not after everything
But what if I do?
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
I love this poem, you use great description and imagery. I felt like this line, "You made me smile, even laugh", and "Of madness and joy and agonizing tears" took away from the poem,this is an easy fix, and this is my personal opinion, so you don't have to listen to it. One thing I really liked about this poem is how you used the sky and colors to covey what time it was, or when the speaker figured something out.
My favorite part is the last stanza.
"The sky is blue
I shouldn’t love you
Not after everything
But what if I do?"
I love how the speaker questions themselves even in the end. How they are still wondering if they are still in love.
Great job, I loved everything about your poem, there were just a few things I wanted to say. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Hey, I realize this is a really late response (sorry I've been really busy this last week) but I wanted to say thank you for the review and the feedback and I've tweaked a few things. I'm glad you enjoyed <3
Hey I am here to review this
First off, I think this was pretty good for being written in a couple of minutes, I mean wow. I love this poem, and I like it even more because blue is my favorite color.
Like the other reviewer said, I do think the “you made me smile, even laugh” did cut the flow of the poem off but it can be fixed easily I think.
Okay one last bit of critique, in the first lines of poem, you said: “the sky was blue when I first met you.” Isn’t the sky always blue? Lol, unless I’m missing something. Then again though, the line is technically true so idk I’m confusing myself
But anyway I really love this, I don’t really read romance poems and stuff because I can’t relate to that but I did enjoy this one
That is it for now
Hey, sorry for the late response (I've been really busy this past week). Thank you so much for your review and your feedback (I've made a few tweaks to it).
I mean, technically the sky is usually blue but it can be cloudy, or night, or sunset/sunrise, etc? Idk I was just being kinda artsy lol.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed ^-^
Hi! This is going to be a short review, but here it is!
So, for starters, I love the last stanza.
I love the way that it looped back around to the "The sky is blue", each time followed by something different and holding a different meaning. The first and second stanza both portray different emotions, while still having the same opening line.
I also really enjoyed the scene that you set for us; with lines such as
That is a moment that I could really imagine, a moment of teenage crushes.
For this phrase, I feel like the "even laugh" makes the line flow a little clunkily (if that's a word) and could perhaps be exchanged for something else to make it flow better.
That's all! I really enjoyed reading this poem; thanks for sharing!
Hi, thanks for the review and the feedback! I'm glad you liked the poem ^-^ I definitely see what you mean about the "even laugh" part, I'll definitely work on making that smoother.