Young Writers Society

A Fascinating picture of the end.

I find references to the threat of Climate change coupled with an almost Biblical tone regarding the end.

This poem feels like someone saying goodbye to someone else, and trying to comfort someone else about what is about to happen.

I like what you are doing here and honestly I have no words.

Avis, this poem is truly a work of art. Very seldom do I find a poem that am I touched so deeply by. It's so deep and meaningful, and I feel the despair from it. 😭
A few things I have to say is that the flow of this poem isn't perfect, and when I reread it the rhyming bothers me a little bit, but I didn't catch that the first time, so maybe that's just me.
Thank you for writing this!

Truly, Miecz

Good morning, evening, afternoon, night, or whichever applies to you in your respective time zone at the moment. Anyway, onto the review.

I really loved this poem! I had to read it at least three times, to fully grasp the extent of this poem. I loved the rhyme scheme, as well as the rhythm. It was very well written, moving smoothly from one stanza to the next.

I think my favorite line(s) in this poem is the lines,

“What can you do
When love turns to grief
And our memories come in flashes?”

Because it is so vivid and descriptive, and brings clear images to your mind. This part of the first stanza is very beautifully written and heartfelt.

The only thing I might have made different, was perhaps the last stanza. The first two, had well maintained rhythms, and syllables. The first two stanzas had a 4/5/7/4/5/9, and 4/5/7/4/4/8 syllables schemes, which go well together. Except the last stanza, which has a 4/7/10/4/6/8 syllables, which is vastly different scheme than the first two.

Of course, you may choose to change it, or not, because in the end it is your poem. And a good one at that. I hope to see more of your work around! Have a great rest of your day, and keep writing!

-Lizzy

This is gem flying up from her jewelrybox ready to review.

Introduction of Feelings for the Piece-

I like this poem, and how its written in questions. It makes you come up with your own answers, very creative. I also enjoy the metaphorical fashion of the entire poem. The questions carry into each other, and so do the emotions behind them. This work was easily related to, and during these times I can see why. I think you did a great job, and though everyone has room for growth, I think you are a marvelous poet.

Nitpicks-

With all the first stanza having this pattern of what -> when -> and, when you said 'but' in the second stanza I was jarred. This isn't a large nitpick or something I would have you change but I do think that notifying you it was surprising might help you as you move forward. If it wasn't intentional for one, you can look at how it was set up and see how I read it. However if it was intentional then now you know it worked . I see you've decided to use apostrophies in this peice so I'll let you know the first ' its' ' isn't carrying an ownership apostrophe as well. Other than that I see no issues and I loved your work.

This is gem flying back into her jewelrybox. I do hope you keep writing poetry, you are sensational. <3