My hands are shaking
And I’m not sure why
I feel cracks dividing
Me into so many pieces
And I’ll try to hold
Everything together
But I keep dropping
Little bits of myself
And I’m not sure
How to fix it
There’s pressure around me
Pressure inside me
Pushing and pulling
Hundreds of pieces of me
It won’t be long until
I fall apart
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
hi i'll help this out of the green room for you
honestly what a mood.
also i love this as an introduction to the poem. it's very sudden, but i feel like that goes well with the whole theme of it. the feeling of shakiness mixed with the not very subtle jump into a complex topic is just so good. the lack of control and understanding of the situation mixed with the quick pacing and the "i'm not sure why" is just mwah mwah.
i usually don't comment on style that much when i review because it's always on the poet and how they feel, but i think that the heavy enjambment here is both really beneficial to what you are saying and really confusing to the eyes. it works both for you and against you in this poem due to how it is very enjambed and cut up.
i love how some parts are broken apart to show how the narrator is breaking themselves into pieces because it works for the poem and it works for how you wrote it. there's nothing for me to complain about there. although, it is very hard to read because it is separated in a manner that is reminiscent of every other word. that makes it harder to focus on the parts that shine because it's harder to concentrate on the poem.
one way i'd organize it would be this~
as you can see, i took out the capitalizations every line because i personally think it runs smoother that way than it does the way you had it. this is just something i do because i find it to be preferable, but you can do whatever you want with caps.
i also formatted it in a wave like manner if you can tell. it starts out very long and each line gets shorter until it hits the middle, and then it starts to get longer and longer again. i believe that creates the broken up effect without actually having each line be too broken up enough for it to impact how the general poem is seen by readers.
i love how you ended this. it is straight to the point without shying away from the original theme you made and/or backtracking any. wonderful poem.
happy writing!
- tweezers
Thanks for the review and all your great feedback! ^-^
Hi there! I really enjoy your poem. You have a way of making it seem relatable to everyone but still specific to you. It is very well put together. The only thing I really have to say is maybe to include slight punctuation. It’s more of a preference than a must, but I feel like it might make the poem look a bit more appealing to the eye. Keep up tre amazing work!
Love,
Welbo!❤️
Hi there! I really enjoy your poem. You have a way of making it seem relatable to everyone but still specific to you. It is very well put together. The only thing I really have to say is maybe to include slight punctuation. It’s more of a preference than a must, but I feel like it might make the poem look a bit more appealing to the eye. Keep up tre amazing work!
Love,
Welbo!❤️
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
I really liked your poem! I think (like many of the other reviews said) that it was quite relatable; I definitely feel more fragile when I'm stressed, and it's just such a terrible feeling. If you're feeling stressed, I hope it's alleviated soon! Remember to take care of yourself <3
One thing I really enjoyed about this poem was how you used line breaks to set the tone. It definitely felt unstable and a bit frantic at parts, which I felt really meshed with the idea of the poem quite well. I think one of the most notable places you did that was separating "dividing/me," as it is one complete phrase, and the jarring effect of it being separated like that almost makes the reader stressed. I liked how it was all just one stanza, too, cause it made it feel like one long cohesive thought that would mimic something like stressed thoughts going through a brain. Really nice work utilizing that structure to make the poem even more effective!
The one thing I would say is that there wasn't anything super unique in the poem. Normally when I read a poem, there are a few lines that I'll pick out and say that I really like the phrasing of. I think you made some interesting and super effective choices in terms of the overall flow and line breaks, but the actual content... I think if you put in a slightly more striking or unexpected image or used some really strong words that go to the extremes, you could get that super punchy poem that readers don't tend to forget after reading.
Overall: nice work!! I think you've got some really great stuff here, and I think the relatability and the way you conveyed that stress through the flow were some of the most outstanding parts of the poem. I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!!
Thanks for the review and all your feedback!
I liked reading this poem! It’s relatable.Sometimes,we all feel like we’re going to break into pieces with the expectations the world puts on us,even if we keep on trying.We’ll still feel like giving up.Success and happiness is easier said than done.We’ll need a good cry and then we can keep trying.It’s only human.Lovely poem.I hope you have a good day/night.
Thanks for the review!
I enjoyed this! It's refreshing to read something that we can relate to others. In my opinion, the short lines itself gives the emotion of being quick, sharp and shaky which is great! Awesome work on this
Thank you!
I really like it. Usually, I would comment that it doesn't rhyme and is mildly disjointed but I think that really adds to this poem in particular. It gives an anxious feeling, like your breath is being cut off before you can even finish what you want to say. Very cool.
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!
Hey, Imogene here!
I love this piece!
It hits every little thing in all the right ways, dare I say: pushing and pulling.
I love how it tugs on my heartstrings, I felt every little bit of this.
This reminds me a lot of the feeling of dissociation- is it supposed to resemble that?
thank you for writing this
-IMK
Thank you! I didn't really write it with dissociation in mind, but it does make sense!
Such a good poem. It's sad and dark. Like it a lot.
Try to keep some of the lines longer to be more complete thoughts.
Thanks for the input, glad you liked it!