Waiting

Wow! The poor main character is just waiting,waiting for someone that will never come.It's beautiful and sad at the same time.We never know what becomes of the reader.It's very realistic and poetic,I enjoyed reading this.It's well detailed and it's like a song.

Hey! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed both of these poems!! I think they both convey the sadness that comes with realizing something is never going to happen. It's especially painful.

One thing I really liked about both of them (before I go into more depth on each one) was how they could both be interpreted with in a wide variety of ways. You never describe the relationship between the speaker and the "you" in the poem, and that leaves it up to the reader to decide. Is it an ex-lover or is it an estranged parent/family member? Could it be a pet who died, or a betrayer friend? It could honestly be any of those, and it changes the meaning slightly depending. I think it was really great of you to do that, whether intentional or not.

First Poem

One thing I really enjoyed about this one was your syllabic patterns. I noticed that every other line had three syllables, and it worked great to create a really nice rhythm to the piece. It almost felt like a lot of connected couplets, you know? I also really enjoyed the repetition (or near repetition, at least) of the first lines as the last lines. I think it worked really nicely to reiterate the finality and sadness of the fact that whoever the narrator is waiting for isn't coming.

I also really loved all of those imagery rich lines you managed to fit in. "On the edge of a sunset" was a really gorgeous example of that. The way you conveyed the sun going down turning the world darker and colder was a really nice parallel to the speaker slowly realizing again that the someone they're waiting for isn't going to meet them. It has the distinct feel of getting stood up and clinging to this naive hope that maybe they didn't leave you there on purpose and trying to convince yourself out of the painful truth.

Second Poem

I also enjoyed this one! I think your seasons imagery was really lovely. You didn't even name the seasons in your poem, and yet it was so clear to get that undertone from the shift in feelings you described. This one (since it seemed like it conveyed a much longer time period) felt to me more like a mystical being like a god or immortal waiting for their lost love/someone they had a connection to. The way you described the sensations like the leaves and the breeze rustling the hair were some of my favorite lines.

One thing I did notice was that you repeated "I'll (verb) here" at the beginning of every stanza but the last one. I feel like this can sometimes work to emphasize that last stanza, but in this case, it just seems... unsatisfying (at least to me). I think it would be better if you maybe came up with a word that would shock the readers or really make them feel emotion, so something dramatic. It could also work by repeating the first line you used, too. It doesn't work with the rest of the stanza, so I'd also suggest a revision there. That's my only "critique" for this, really. And I still think it works as is, too <3

Overall: nice work! I thoroughly loved reading both of these poems, and I hope to read more of your poetry sometime soon!! Until next time (whenever that may be)!

Hey there, Mordax here for a review!

I loved the lonely and desolate feel of these poems. Despite incorporating beautiful imagery and colors into the flowery words, it still has this stale tone which connects to the overall meaning of the poem. It leaves the reader feeling a bit lost along with the narrator and a bit hopeless, recognizing the futility of their waiting.

I don't have many critiques but I recommend to combine these two poems. Despite being written at different points, the theme, flow, structure, and tone was identical, so as I read, I felt as though stating it as two poems actually disrupted the flow you had created. Also, as one poem, it would have a growth in plot that it partly lacks currently. For, they both end similarly right now, but if you combine and tweak, you can make the poem one long build up to this hopeless conclusion that waiting is futile for no one is coming.

My other suggestion is to add a few changes and differences throughout the poem, for right now, the conclusion this poem meets feels identical to the beginning of the poem. While I love this desolate tone you give, I never quite feel the hope of the narrator, only seeing them waiting with no visible goal and no hope that the goal will come. You claim the narrator is waiting and waiting, but in order to create a stronger impact of what they are waiting for, I recommend describing the past so we can see the beauty of what this narrator so desperately wants. Perhaps a few lines with imagery far more vivid and warm than what is written, that way we see the stark contrast of this fated desire and the reality.

Overall, great poems! I really love how you incorporated the changes of seasons thus incorporating the moving of time. Really clever!

Mordax