If Only

I outright like this poem. It does a very good job of displaying human emotion. And there is a lot of very good descriptive words (adjectives, probably... I don't really know...) At this rate all of my reviews are ironic because I hate how this site operates so I am attempting to make a big joke of it. BUT..

I'm not going to quote all of your lines back to you, so let's assume you know what I'm talking about.

Very heavy. Very heavy. Very real. Heavy as hell. Incredibly creative and (insightful?). Been there, dreamt about that.

Incredibly hard-hitting and creative. I wouldn't change a single thing. I honestly think that this poem is a masterpiece. It is certainly a poem that I am glad that I read. (How else do I buck this stupid system?) I feel like the whole "review" system should be reigned down to be more human, but honestly, this is the 2nd? poem of yours that I have reviewed? You are a very good writer (I won't say poet until you make your living off of words.. I don't know... it's stupid.)

I really like your poem. This is really easy because all I have to do is say that I like your poem, then rant, then refrain. In all truth, though, this is really well written (according to some idiot on the internet.) Beatles helps. oh, look... more whiskey.

Super fun(?) poem. 4.5/5 Good work.. Keep it up.. Best of luck.
-Hereticteen aka Brannon

The simplicity of this poem is beautiful, by simplicity, I mean you don't use a lot of words to describe this but you manage to make it feel whole and completely stunning. I love the use of "If only" at the beginning of each stanza, it helps to tie each stanza together and make it flow beautifully. My only thought would be that the last stanza does not seem to fully flow with the rest of the poem, it's just my opinion, but I think that not adding the "If only" suddenly cuts off that stanza from the previous stanzas. But that's just my opinion again, the poem is beautiful. Great job with it!

Hello, kaydenwrites!! Madeline here dropping in for a review...

First off, I really loved this piece!! It had such a simple style and overall just a laid back feel. I loved the repetition of the wornds "if only". It really gave structure to this poem. This was especially important since you chose not to rhyme or stick to a strict rhythm. What you did allowed the poem to flow very well and directed the reader towards the content rather than just the way it was done.

My one thought for improvement came in the last two stanzas. I love the contrast between forgetting and remembering. However, the second stanza says that the narrator is remembering the heartbreak when it seems to me that the heartbreak is what they are going through currently. That's a very small detail, but I just thought I would point it out.

Great job!!
All the best,
Madeline

Hello kaydenwrites and welcome to YWS!!

Overall, I could totally relate to this poem and you captured the fallout of a relationship very well! A lil nitpick I have (which you can take with the smallest grain of salt) but it would be awesome to see deeper imagery/emotion to the lines. But seeing as this piece takes on the more simplistic, straightforward writing style, you capture that very well!

I really enjoy the repetition of the line "if only" for it really shows the ongoing thoughts one has after a breakup: "what could I have done differently?" etc.

I could smile

Without wanting to sob.

The frigid cold

Would numb instead of burn

I tried to put spaces between the stanzas but I'm new to this website and I couldn't figure it out, sorry. Hope you enjoy anyway ^-^