i never sang in key until you came along
and the strings never fit right at my fingertips
i'd stutter and slip and give up
my callouses grew soft and i gave in
but you
i tried to give up but you just smiled
i threw down the instruments and you carefully picked them up
i closed my mouth to anything more than simple words
but you put your fingers to my throat and brought back my voice
i tried to disappear but your eyes never left me
you are the only music I'll ever need
my heart forever paces itself with your tempo
your melody is continually looping through my brain
and if mine is the only harmony you've ever wanted
then how can i ever find it in me to stop it
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey AutoPilot!
Liberty500 here!
I'd just like to say three things:
1. The last sentence in the first paragraph seems as if it's been cut short. I don't know if you wanted it like that or not. Just a pointer.
2. You might want to do some capitalization
3. You are SO talented!
Overall, I absolutely LOVE your poem!
~Liberty500
That was fun! A music person myself, I definitely appreciated the way you used music to represent love.
What I would absolutely love to see is if you put the title phrase in the poem somewhere near the end. That would be amazing!
Great progression of metaphor. One line I think could be revised is "your melody is continually looping through my brain" - I think the word "continually" is a bit of a stumbler. The last line, "then how can I ever find it in me to stop it", feels kind of cut short, especially the "stop it" part. You definitely stopped it!
Other than that you did absolutely great! Remember that poetry usually has capital letters at the beginning of each sentence...
But then, that's the fun aspect of poetry; format is not dictated by standard literary nuances. and the i's asked to be lowercase, so I let them be. Thank you for your review
Lol you're welcome
I Absolutely loved it it has a lot of depth and feelings!! Please write more lyrics and songs!!! Ur very talented
Its really cute and i wish i would find someone like that
The feelings that were felt the depth and this poem had many different emotions all in one poem i absolutely loved it please write more!!!
Hey,
First of all, this is beautifully written, and I am so impressed! I wish I could create poetry this beautiful!
There's just two things I want to ask and or point out. The last line in the first paragraph feels unfinished, did you mean to leave it but you? I think it isn't needed if that's all it's suppose to say. I think it disrupts the flow of your poem. Secondly, did you intentionally leave out punctuation and grammar? If so, awesome
I can't wait to see some more work from you! Keep up the great job, and if you ever need anything, let me know!
~Rascalover
I Absolutely loved it i has a lot of depth and feelings!! Please write more lyrics and songs!!! Ur very talented
This is soooooooo cute. I love every single part of it. Keep going and just try to put more heart into words.
Hi there!
This a really nice, amazing poem! I love the way you wrote this! It is a beautiful piece.
Now, the only critiquing I have is that you need to capitalize your "i's."
Also, This sentence:
" The strings never fit right at my fingertips."
This is just a little awkward. I would say:
" The strings never fit to my fingertips."
That was all!
Thank you so much for your encouragement!
I agree, that sentence did seem too bulky, thank you for the suggestion. And all the lowercase i's were intentional. Sometimes the uppercase I's get tired, they don't want to always stand guard, being the extreme in a sea of gentle. But again, thank you for the suggestions!