Love At First Sight
Head Over Heels
You Had Me At Hello
Falling For You
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the cliches that make up our world
of hormones and lust, overlaying physical attraction
i've always laughed them off
along with the shallow, meaningless-not to mention cheesy-love songs
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that is, until they started to hit home in a butterfly swarm of emotions
when i looked at you and the cliches tattooed themselves on my heart
when you smiled and my stomach dropped with my jaw
my mind tried to deny it, but denial doesn't surpass truth
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i knew i loved you when you held my hand for the first time and i forgot how to breathe
When you kissed me for the first time and started blushing so hard that i had to laugh
When i kissed your cheek while you slept and you slurred an unconscious "i love you"
When i tried to picture my life without you in it and the tears couldn't be withheld
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i'll love you until my heartbeat is incapable of chasing the blood through my withered veins
until my lungs give out and i fade away to a memory layered beneath dirt and tears
until my existence is but a mere faded picture in an album lost to time
cliche as it may be, i will love you until the end of time
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137,946 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
This is the cutest poem. It really made me feel something in my cold, dead heart for once. You have a very honest form to this poem, and the organization is wonderful. The cliques at the beginning, the denial, the first hint of feelings, and finally full-fledged love. It is a pure type of love poem, something true and hard to find. I love the little tropes that start this poem off. It really gives a light hearted feel to all of this. I love the imagery here as well, with “tattooed themselves on my heart” and “Stomach dropped with my jaw”. Your poem is relatable and honest. It’s vulnerable like all good poems should be. Great work, keep writing!
Decent- I love the picture you paint with your choice of words but very raw and bland on delivery.
well dang this warmed my heart
aaaaa
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Hi, Manilla here for a review. I don't usually review romance, so I'm going to see where this takes me. Let's get some questions out of the way first. (Please don't take them offensively - I love your piece)
Not sure what this means. Does it mean that you were just only able to say "hello" in front of your S.O. instead of all the other fuzzy things you wanted to say?
And what was the purpose of the italics in the beginning? Was it like an intro or something?
Next - Basic capitalization errors. You sometimes missed capitalizing "I" in your lines, but I'm sure with an extra reread you could've caught those. One stylization tip I have in mind is to make your entire piece lowercase when writing certain "flowy" pieces of poetry.
The ending kind of dropped me there, asking things like Is there more? You had us imagine such a sweet love story. Yet the way you shared your memories with your S.O. touched us readers.
This was probably more freeverse poetry that didn't take on a meter, so I won't say muc habout that.
You described what was going on in your poem well with this straight-to-the-point honesty you used. I like it, personally, when it's executed well.
That's all from me.
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem unhelpful or rude.)
First off, thank you so much for your review! The use of italicized verses at the beginning is pretty straight forward; they are just coming cliches that are used a lot. Thank you so much for your suggestions about capitalization, I'll definitely use those when I edit. I'm sorry about the ending, I haven't though of the right ending verses yet, so it's not quite finished
You're welcome. I don't edit my pieces entirely either - It's fine lol.
I wrote in an ending, thoughts/opinions/suggestions?
This is so frickin sweet. Can I just say that? I wish my S.O. would write something like this about me. Okay. You get my point.
Onto the critiques. My first one is punctuation. I think with a poem like this, you really have to play around with what goes where, so I won't suggest anything, but I do recommend that you experiment with it. Remember, your reader only has the pacing you give them, and for something as sweet as this, you want there to be pauses so that the reader can feel the emotion instead of just reading about it.
My second critique is your word choice. I know that this might seem silly, but this is romantic literature. Word choice is the name of the game. Try to think eloquent and Shakespearean when writing in the romantic genre - instead of "make up," go with "compose" or "piece together." To replace "doesn't," consider "truth will never be outstripped by denial." Always think bigger and more. It's something most people are annoyed by, but it's one of the classic hallmarks of the romance genre and I will always call people out on it.
Overall, great work, and keep writing!
Thank you so much for the suggestions! I'll definitely keep them in mind when i edit