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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hey there! MJ for a (pitiful attempt at a) review!
There should be an apostrophe in 'you're'Grammar first:
Again, apostrophe
There should be an apostrophe after dont, and it should be your, not youre.
Overall, I really loved the first three lines. They summarized the poem perfectly, and introduced the reader to what the poem was going to be about and also showed how unfair it was to both parties- how the "nice guy" wouldn't get the girl, and how the girl couldn't approach her crush.
One thing I didn't like was how it was an image and not a typed-out word. I can't really see a good reason for that, and it made it a little more unprofessional. It felt like something you would see on tumblr or Instagram, and not really like the professional, polished poems that YWS tries to cultivate.
I would have liked to see a few lines about the social pressures that the MC feels to not date this guy, or some lamentful stanza about how she wishes she could, but knows that her friends disapprove of him, or is expected to date a popular boy, or some clever play-on-words regarding social barriers.
That's all I have for you today! Hopefully this review was helpful, and if you have any questions, I'll do my best to answer them!
MJ out!
*poof*
Hey,
I don't normally review poetry, mainly because I have no idea what I'm talking about but I just wanted to point out the quick errors I've noticed here. If they're intentional, to make a point (I really can't tell with poetry) then please feel free to ignore me!
As a side note, please don't post things as pictures when they are text - it makes it really hard to review because you can't just copy and paste lines!
need an apostrophe here
Need apostrophes and capital letter for 'I'.
Capital I.
Wrong 'your/you're' here.
That's all of them. Other than that (in my limited knowledge) this was pretty good! I'm especially a fan of the ending.
Sorry I can't be of more help.
Icy