Don't

Hi @Authorian this feels so sad to me, do you have eny story's that I could reed.

Hi there! I'm catmuffin(or catmuff or cat or muffy)

@Marshymallow
Dayum you're fast XD

Anyways on to the review. Loved the poem. Sweet, simple and rhythmic. Though I spot a typo:

"Don't bury my smiling"

I think it's supposed to be

'Don't bury me smiling.'

Also this gave me a mixture of feelings towards the person the writer talks about. Anger, pity and sadness. The poem is quite a rollercoaster ride as I'm still unsure if the writer is hateful towards the person or pitiful or guilty. Very well written, almost no mistakes (excusing the typo which I can relate to) and just a beautiful and sad piece.

Keep on writing ^^

This is a beautiful poem! I love the power that you force into the reader through each line compelling them to read on like there is no going back. I could hear the voice of a girl who has one set purpose - getting rid of fakers and those who pretend to mourn on your own being. I like how you repeat the word 'don't' since it makes your point well heard and creates a memorable rhythm for the reader. You leave the story open so we can create our own background for this poem making the possibilities endless. You seem to be keeping a pattern of having the first line capitalised every line, which is ok, but you don't do this on the line as they are already spent - just do this quickly and it will not look as out of place making the format a little neater. This was a fun read -Marshymallow

Hola! Emerald here for a review!

First off I want to say that the size of this poem is PERFECT. Lots of long poems get boring after a while and I just stop reading them in the middle of the entire thing. I though this poem was interesting and fun to read. I really enjoyed it!

There's one thing I want to point out though, I just feel that some of the lines are just out of place, other then that, its perfect!

Well, I guess that about wraps up my review, hoping to see more from you soon!

Rating: 8.9/10
Gained a follower *Thumbs Up*

Tigerlilly here to review! Happy review day!

This is clearly a well written poem! However, there are a few nitpicks I would like to point out.
Where you had said
"Don’t worry for my feelings,

as they are already spent.

Don’t ask me to come back,

For it was of my own will I left."
I feel like the last line was slightly out of place compared to others, and it seemed a little forced. I also feel like some of the grammar used could be a bit more difficult to further challenge the reader, just to throw a bit of a curve. You repeated words quite often, and I personally can see why you might want to use repetition, but you have to be careful sometimes.

Other than that, your message was easy to understand and this was well structured. I really enjoyed it and I look forward to reading more of your works, so keep writing!

Hey Authorian,

I understand the concept of the poem as this sort of back and forth dialogue that the speaker has with him/herself. There's the thing that is hurting and so the speaker commands "don't" do that thing, and then there's the rationalization afterwards that answers why. My favorite line is the "don't leave a sad darkness where my laughter once lit", I like how laughter is likened to light! And I can easily understand the frustration of the speaker when feeling light and happy and laughing, you really don't want anyone to spoil that with sadness - so it's a nice pair of emotions and images playing with each other. However, I think that while reading this poem, I got really bored. And most of the time, I found myself skimming, almost like the poem was overlong. I think that sometimes when a writer does the same thing over and over and over, in our heads the readers eventually feel like "ok, ok, I get it. Get on with it, what's all this leading to?!" and we anticipate everything and start skimming just so we can get to the end. Part of the reason it has this overlong feeling is the repetition of the don'ts, don'ts, don'ts.

Maybe try varying up the sentence structure. I mean, is it really necessary to start every other line with don't? What does that accomplish in this piece?

Also, I might suggest cutting a few lines that aren't doing much. Say it once, say it right. Your dark and light laughter line really stood out for me, but the next line after it felt stale with the "don't stare up at the night for days where it is bright and starry." I just felt like it was trying to say the same thing using different words.

I hope this helps.

~ as always, Audy