Young Writers Society

Dear Authorian,

Wow. Hi, my name is Bailey. This is kind of interesting. It's a little hard to read, I had to look back at "Cause even though it's between you two" to understand what the line meant. Another note that I would like to point out, is maybe you should write "between the two of you" instead to make it run a little smoother?

In "Now you're other friends choose them! They were your friends too? They never asked you about it?" Is a little confusing. (1) I think you meant to put 'your' instead of 'you're' in the first sentence there. It's not you are other friends. (2) It says that "your other friends choose them. They were your friends too?" Which seems like an obvious statement, because if your other friends choose them, then it's obvious that they're your friends. It just said YOUR OTHER FRIENDS, which are still YOUR FRIENDS. (3) I don't really understand what "They never asked you about it?" is supposed to refer to. About what? About choosing 'them'? I'm kind of confused with this statement.

Also, in the 3rd line from the bottom, it says "For thinking friends could be fucking." I think that it would be a good idea to replace the period with a comma, or just take the period out, because to me it seems to say that the two friends are fucking, as in having sex. It took me a minute after reading the rest to realize what it meant.

I hope you didn't read my review as if I were angry. I hate reading reviews that are critiquing and you find that they sound mad in the text. I think that your poem is very interesting, and I hope my review wasn't too confusing.

Oh! And just one more thing. It states "lose two friends for the price of one" but in the end it looks like the 'you' character in this poem is actually losing what seems like all of their friends. I don't know, I just found a lot of things in this poem confusing. (Again, not mad, just reviewing XD)

Anyhow, I think that it's a perfectly good poem, with a thoughtful message behind it. It just gets a little confusing to read.

I feel like it might be a personal poem as well, so it might be relative to something specific that is happening to you. So to me, it may be confusing since I don't know what is really going on, but it may make perfect sense to you. I don't know if I am out of place or not here.

Anyhow (for the second time), your poem is very interesting. I did enjoy reading it, and I will look for your name in the future in the green room when I find myself reviewing. I hope you continue to write poems! I'd be very glad to write reviews!

Have a good day/night! Whichever applies to you.

Sincerely, Bailey Matwiiw

(Aye sorry. This was such a long review, and I was really happy with it but I didn't click "Yes" at "Is this a review?" so I didn't get the points for it. I hope you don't mind that I wrote it again.)

Hey there! Shey here for a quick review!

I see this as more of a venting poem, so I won't go into too much detail with my criticisms or anything. It just seems like you don't really want that type of comment.

I will, however, comment on the delivery. This type of poem heavily relies on how it's delivered, and you really were successful in relaying your emotions to the reader. The last three lines really showed this more than the rest of the poem. Now, that's not to say the rest wasn't as good, but just that the spacing and wording of the last three really stuck out to me. You seems to have a talent for that sort of spacing, and it shows.

Normally, on a piece like this I comment that the formatting is lacking. No stanzas, nothing fancy for indentation, nothing. However, with this specific poem, the simplicity actually benefits of. It shows how plainly angry, disappointed, done with everything that you are. Meaning, it works very well here.

Overall, good job! I apologize if you were actually betrayed by your friend, and I hope things look up for you soon. Anyway, keep writing!

Hi! First of all, I can see there is a lot of force in this poem! Yes, yes, seeing all the cuss words! But anyways, I'm kind of confused. Did you sell humans? Did they sell themselves? Did you lose them, or did they throw you away? I kinda see that you are trying to say that your friends are not very faithful and sorta I don't know, maybe backstabbed you or something?

"They never asked you about it?"

Asked you about what?

"Cause even though it's between you two"

You and who?

"new special!"

Selling humans?

"Lose two friends for the price of one!"

Selling humans?

"Now your other friends choose them!"

Selling humans?

"Now their other friends know what you did!"

which friends? The one friend that you got for the price of two? Or the two friends that you replaced with the one friend that you got for the price of two?

Other than those questions, I think that if you add more clarity into the poem and it would be A LOT better! I'm not sugar coating it when I say this:

I loved the way you added the cuss words to make it more... uh... let's see, the word to use is... Ah! I know. To make it more Powerful! If my review was mean and you have some sort of complaint, just send me a string of cuss words in a message or something, I don't mind listening to that kind of thing! I look forward to more of your work! It's very interesting!

Please don't kill me,
-Lolosboing

This was really, really good. But then again, you're poems are always awesome!