The Girl In My Reflection

Hi Authorian! I found that throughout this poem, it felt more like a sob-story than an inspirational poem. However, overall, this had a lot of emotion and heart, which is what makes art art. I did very much enjoy this, and I want to give you a song to listen to if you ever start to feel this way again. The song is called "Beloved" by Jordan Feliz. Jesus loves you! Have a beautiful day/night.

Until The End
-Ari

I love the heart and soul that you have put into this work. It paints a very vivid picture, which in my opinion, is a characteristic that poetry should always possess. So bravo on that!

The only thing that caught me off guard was the flow of some of the lines. With poetry, there's a strategic pace you normally go with (unless it's a prose, or a spoken word). It's kinda like the beat of the poem. For example...

"Then I looked in the mirror again"
"Trying to find joy in the hard work of starvation"

The first line has a syllable count of 3+6=9. The second one though, has a syllable count of 5+8=13. The unevenness of this can really break the flow of a poem (I've learned this more times than it should take to remember, but it's worth it once you get it down).

I hope that helps! It really is a great poem, and it hits pretty close to home for me, so thank you. Keep it up, cuz you never know who you can inspire or help with stories such as this.

Hi! This poem actually helped me to understand what's going on in the heads of people with eating disorders much more than anything I've ever seen/ read, especially since it's in a narrative style. You also didn't romanticize this at all, which is a mistake many authors make when writing about mental health. Great job with this!

So there are some small things I'd consider changing.
One is that you rhymes are sometimes pretty predictable, like in "I took her on long walks to apologized for lately/ Wrote her a journal of all the things we find joy in do greatly". When rhymes are predictable, the poem can sound forced. But, a lot of the time, they were unpredictable, like with reflection and misdirection.

The next thing is in the line "Like an inch off our waist, more sex appeal", it might help the flow more if you said, "Or an inch off our waist was more "sex appeal". I realize that changes the meaning of line, but I feel like that rhythm just works a bit better.

Next thing is the first line. "I looked in her mirror" sounds a bit strange. It might have been a typo, but if it isn't the line is a bit confusing.

Last is that you should use "self love" sparingly. Yes, this poem is about self love, but using those words more than once takes away from their punch a little bit.

I hope this was helpful!

Dear Authorian,

You asked me for some constructive criticism, but I don't see what there is to change. Though, I'm not really that great of a poet myself, so I probably wouldn't be the best at giving advice. However, I have pride for you in the fact that you wrote a very great, fitting, rhyming poem and still ask to make it better.

The poem flowed very well, and I enjoy how you wrote it. Although, some lines I had to read over twice, like (and sorry, I don't know how to do the special YWS quoting thing) with the lines "desperate to show her I hadn't meant this by our fast" an "stopped counting the calories that sat on is just right" I had to read them over again. They seemed a little awkward, though it might just be my lack of vocabulary.

In the first line I mentioned, I almost expected the last word to be "last" but then again, I'm not sure how you could tie that in with the plot.

Otherwise, I'm very happy with this poem. I really enjoyed it, and I'm interested in seeing more of your work.

Sincerely, Bailey.