Oh my god, did I really just do that?
I’ve just told you the truth
My body language has spawned awkwardness
You think I am only a tool
But I’m not (but I’m not)
Like those other guys
I bet that you think I’m dumb
But really you’re no one
Even I notice you reading the signs
Your sense of humour’s dull
Why did I like you at all?
So no use for you reading the signs
Holy shit, I really shouldn’t speak
For it’ll land me in hot water
I don’t consider you a human anymore
I’m surprised you’re considered a daughter
But I read (but I read)
And I have a conscience
I bet that you think I’m dumb
But really you’re no one
Even I notice you reading the signs
Your sense of humour’s dull
Why did I like you at all?
So no use for you reading the signs
I sense something building up
I can only imagine
On a scale
From one to ten
Do you like me?
I so hope not
Do you like me?
Oh, please say no
Please say no to that
I bet that you think I’m dumb
But really you’re the one
Even I notice you reading the signs
Your sense of humour’s dull
Why did I like you at all?
So no use for you reading the signs
Your sense of humour’s dull
Why did I like you at all?
So no use for you reading the signs
Reading the signs
Hi 567ajt!
Sorry it took me so long to review your work, I was hoping you would tell which one you'd like me to look at. But anyways, here goes.
COMMENTS:
>Oh my god, did I really just do that?
>I’ve just told you the truth
I really like these opening lines.
>My body language has spawned awkwardness
This line seemed a little off to me. Maybe it's the repetitive "aw" sound in "spawn" and "awkward"?
>I bet that you think I’m dumb
I like this line better without "that."
>For it’ll land me in hot water
I think this line is a little stiff. I feel like it might be more natural without "for."
I was a little confused by the words in parentheses. I think this is meant to be sung, so I wanted to assume they were echoes?
JUST A FEW QUESTIONS:
>I bet that you think I’m dumb
Why does he think this?
I'm curious what the "truth" is that is alluded to in the first few lines?
Why is her sense of humor important?
Also, I like the phrase "reading the signs." I imagine you mean someone trying to figure out if another person likes them? I thought it was a vivid way of communicating that type of interaction.
If this is supposed to be set to music, I would love to hear the completed project! If you have a YouTube channel or something please let me know so I can take a listen.
Hope this review is useful to you!
I really like this!
"For it’ll land me in hot water
I don’t consider you a human anymore
I’m surprised you’re considered a daughter" These are my favorite lines!