Fetish

'All I want is pleasure'

Okay, I'm goning to be harsh now dude.... READ YOUR WORK BACK!!!! Amateur error. Does not look good. Especially when you have the nerve to criticise other people for the same thing. It's distracting. Really into the first line, then you just killed it with:
'I'm honest, I'm desperat'

DESPERATE! DESPERATE! DESPERATE!

Good God man!

The whole world has not gone to shit... but you're spelling has! LOL

~Bloodink

I like this piece, at times the rhythm was disrupted, and the flow was off but its really good! I give it a 5/10 because it was at times hard to read!

The whole world has gone to shit
The whole world has gone to shit

In my creative writing class we always talked about lines in a poem that were placed their to finish a rhyme scheme, I think this is similar but to finish the stanza.. words are malleable.. I think you can possibly tweak these two lines because they do fit with the poem but they seem kindof out of place..

You say you're not ready
But you're not, single or steady
I laugh when he leaves you
He's sure to, decieve you
Interracial dating's fine
Loving someone ain't a crime
Don't make it a gimmick
Till the point where I'm sick of it

This is awesome! but you never had a rhyme scheme before... it makes the whole poem awkward.. I really suggest you make this whole poem with a rhyme scheme ! maybe:
AABBCCDD

Im guessing this is a lyric poem .. I hate corus with one line

Hi, Adam! Here as requested.

This is my first lyric review so bear with me xD

Topic - There's a lot of emotion here, which is good. It really helps the listeners understand how the narrator is feeling and I can totally understand how they feel. Discriminaton feels terrible (although my circumstances were entirely different).

Flow - IMO, It flows well. I think so, anyway. I don't stumble anywhere apart from here:

But I don't want
Your Dad threatening me