Here's perfection
Here's my blessing
Glad you agree
And you're nodding
People think
My time is up
But it's only begun
There's the king
Kill the king
No need for kings
So kill the king
Please for me
(only move when I say you can move)
Please for me
(when you move it's quiet)
Please for me
(it's best if you stop moving)
Don't remember
What I do
To make sure there is
(stop)
Pure perfection
(breathe)
Making profit
Off the wrong hands
(wait)
Isn't it sod's law?
(we've done way too much)
There's the king
Kill the king
No need for kings
So kill the king
Please for me
(only move when I say you can move)
Please for me
(when you move it's quiet)
Please for me
(it's best if you stop moving)
Oh, please for me
(I knew it from the start
that you were never drawn to the plot
so next time I come to you
you have to keep your word even more)
There's the king
Kill the king
So plant the knife
Into the king
No need for kings
So kill the king
Please for me
(only move when I say you can move)
Please for me
(when you move it's quiet)
Please for me
(it's best if you stop moving)
Please for me
(only move when I say you can move)
Please for me
(when you move it's quiet)
Please for me
(it's best if you stop moving)
So please for me
Please for me
(only move when I say you can move)
Please for me
(when you move it's quiet)
Please for me
(it's best if you stop moving)
Hello again.
Back to the reviewing. Hmmmm.
I feel that this work is a bit like a game:
The narrator starts by being sarcastic, then keeps rambling. Emphasised by the lack of punctuation.
These next lines make it feel like a game of chess to me. XD That you are rebelling against the monarchy in a calculated sort of way.
All the parenthesis in this work makes it hard to know what's real and what are just character's thoughts. Nonetheless, it is an interesting idea.
At the end:
You pull your classic move and I begin to feel like your writing is just a game. it has rules and conventions to it, and this is an example of where you don't break them.
Great job on this! I absolutely love it!
But I don't entirely get what the song is about.. but THAT'S WHY IT'S A SONG, RIGHT?\
So just keep writing! And I hope.. someday.. I will understand.
And I like the stanza about kings.
I totally agree with that!
Hey aj. Pix here! I loff this. <3
Alright. Let's start with the first stanza's. I'm actually listening to Taylor Swift right now on my headphone's so this might be completely retarted 'cause you told me this song is meant to be pop, but let's try it, shall we? Yes. Kay. Oh and I saw you got you're new guitar. Congrats on that.
SO.
These stanza's. I know it's 'bout killing the Pope - which honestly got me a lil' creeped out at first when you told me - and I think I kind of get it. Like...You don't want anyone to stand in the way of you're un-denyable (I probrably spelled that wrong xD) loveee....And teenage love is very hard to change. Trust me...I know.
I'd really love to hear you singing this, but I think I like to keep focused on the lyrics. Omgosh, my brother just texted me. Oh! Sorry. That was off topic. XD *sighs* Okay...what was I saying again? Oh yes, The lyrics. Sorry if I go off-topic on this. My brother is really annoying me right now.
The chorus':
Okay. Let's be serious. xD I like they way you put in paranthesis ( I probrably spelled that wrong too xD.) the background singing, I think it really gives life into the lyrics. It's better melodramatic too, which makes me want to keep reading and see what the story tells next.
The bridge:
Very suspenseful, which I loff. Amazing. Don't change a thing here.
There's nothing wrong with the rest. Keep writing.
~pix
its interesting, i can imagine that as the song, but i would also change some parts.