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142,228 Literary Works • 677,045 Reviews
Hello.
So this is where you start to get politically motivated and talking about more "serious issues" compared to the romantic ones. And that's ok.
The narrator of this work aims to be deliberately controversial, as we can see. XD
You're talking about politics and money. Two of the most controversial topics you are advised to keep away from, yet here you are, dispelling all these stereotypes. Or something like that. XD
i like this work, because i think it represents you as you are now:
Stylistically, thematically, and in every other way basically. XD
Heyy,
The idea of the this content, is really unique. It's a nice effort.
There are a few minor errors,
I think in the line, 'You wish you had required, Knowledge before we begun'. you should replace the word 'required' with 'acquire' it would bring more sense to the poem.
If you manage to re-write a few lines, this would become great.
Keep writing ~
- Dreamergirl.
I like this. It's almost satiric, and it grabs you.
Just a suggestion: you might want to look at the second sentence, the part about money feels a little choppy.
For we just lack. (try a comma instead of a period)
The big dollars.
Yet we have so much. (omit this maybe?)
We may have lots of money. (comma)
But we don't have enough (period)
Take it or leave it! But anyway, nice read!!
This is kind of an ironic poem. Its all the things people don't want actually happen and it's like a wake up call to the world. And thats why I think you called it 'wake up and smell the coffee'. Well - that's how I understood it anyways.
There is only one bit I didn't quite get:
Time to taste.
Medicine.
Poisonous.
So ironic
I would've like it better if that wasn't there. Or the verse was longer and more explanatory.
But really good!
Deanie x