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139,521 Literary Works • 672,596 Reviews
Hello.
So this is a very ambiguous work, in the sense that whoever "You" is supposed to be in this sense, they clearly aren't that liked by the person who is writing to them.
I like the way you play around with identity in this writing. It's very good. Especially the very dramatic ending:
A couple of typos though: unusual for you:
"Yours sincerely."
But that's just that.
I like the fact you're using punctuation here again. WHOO HOO!
To describe this work in a word, I would have to say: Bitter. XD
Wow, this was very powerful. Though you never expressly state anything about the history of this poem- it showed up through the words. I think this could have some more imagery and detail, you make your thought come out very well- but I think you could do more. Expand upon this, make it more personal. I mean, I know this is told in first person, but if you added details it would feel even more real. Maybe a name for the child, or more hints at the story behind it. As for the theme, it's such an awful topic, and you did a good job at writing about it, making it real and yet not as devastating as it could be. Anyway, feel free to write on my wall or PM me in response to this review or anything. Also, keep writing, always write!
This is great, next time you should watch how you capitalize your words.
The poem was able to achieve one of the key principles in writing a poem, to catch your readers attention.