We used to dream of jungles,
We’d explore for hours on end,
My bed was a ship, a dungeon,
We’d sit there and pretend.
We had imaginary friends,
When our twosome became a four,
They had pets; a cat and a dog.
I don’t see them much anymore.
We used to imagine our futures,
They would always be entwined.
We would travel the world in a caravan,
We’d be free and unconfined.
I used to tell you what to do,
As I was the older child,
You did as I told because you loved me,
We had fun, we laughed and we smiled.
We were like twins they said,
We used to say that too.
Time and age can be forgotten,
I guess, at that time, we knew.
I still catch glimpses of us then,
I can remember, I can laugh.
But glimpses will always be glimpses,
And memories stay in the past.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,813 Reviews
Very good overall poem, i thought it was very powerful and outspoken, and very expressive. readers would enjoy reading your kind of eccentric poems.
just some minor things:
They had pets; a cat and a dog.
i think you should shorten it and say, "they had pets; a cat and dog" i just think it flows better.
You did as I told because you loved me,
We had fun, we laughed and we smiled.
These lines seemed a little short compared to the rest of the poem, and it didnt flow as smoothly as everything else. i think you should edit it and find better words to place there
like i said, overall i liked your poem and id love to read more
thanks, i can't believe i missed them, especially the last one. i hate it when lines are a syllable out.
Off to change them now.
Thanks, Aqua X
This is a very sweet poem, filled with nostalgia of days long past. It is a very pretty little poem, if I do say so myself.
The only problem I might see with this poem is the meter, in your attempt to rhyme.
I feel as though the first line in this stanza could do without one of the syllables. Perhaps you could say, "We had our unreal friends," just for flows.
Ditto to the second line of this stanza. Maybe you could say, "As I was the older child," instead.
You've probably noticed this already, but in the last line, you probably either mean "as" or "and."
As I said before, this is a very sweet poem with a whole bunch of meaning packed between the lines. Great job, and you reserve the right to completely disregard my advice!