Creeping,
Fleeing,
All of them
Seeing.
Hiding,
Catching,
Some of them
Snatching.
Running,
Quicker,
A shiver,
A flicker.
Stumble,
Move on.
The light
All gone.
Stop
And wait,
Start again?
Too late.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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139,640 Literary Works • 672,638 Reviews
Hi there Amy. Lavvi into review for you
So. For punctuation, I think you really have that nailed down. I only have one suggestion related (to):
I think it would be best if this was in parentheses or had a dash somewhere. Also, it might be better, grammatically correct, to have it as "Quickly" rather than "Quicker". I think...I'm not entirely sure because I'm quite tired.
This was interesting. You really captured the sense of really hiding from shadows. Awesome.
Yours,
Lavvi
I saw your reply to the 'How'd you find YWS' and had to read this. XD (It's a pretty good poem, nonetheless (I never know if that's the correct spelling))
~Jas
Also: Isn't PAT BUCHANAN awesome?
ehh...its just of shadows flickering from a candle or something ? sounds like a nice little place....for a bit..
i'd love to see this poems ideas and or images worked into a nice little forest / raining scene.. it'd make for a very nice and relaxing scene.. i suppose....
actully i think i'll write it.. you've just inspared me.. thank you very much...
This poem is very simple, but I actually liked it a lot. I liked the rhythme and I like the rhyme. There isn't a lot of immagery, but I think that's okay because it leaves the imagination to conjure up what lurks in the shadows. I have no other advice, since I think this is good the way it is. Great work!
^_^ Keek!
(Seriously, I would have liked to have written this myself =P)
You had a very good rhythm up until the third line of the last stanza. Try "Restart?" instead. Also, the very short one-word lines annoyed me a bit. I think it would work better visually if you combined them into couplets.
For example:
You still get the rhythm, but it's much easier on the eyes. If you want each of the individual words/phrases to have more of an impact, you could use periods instead of commas, like so:
Overall, though, a decent poem. I really liked the rhythm.
When describing what the poem is about give more details. I like the simpliness of the poem, but if you are going to do something that simple write more/desrcibe more of the subject. I enjoyed the present tense of the selection, though, go over the grammer and puncutation.