Yeah, I played with you on Friday night
Got dead drunk by the neon lights
In a skin-tight dress, with the shade you call 'classy'
As you strung me with moves that I call 'messy'
Feelin' surreal, girly? You smirked.
Naw, is just not being classy.
I'm flying over the toilet bowl, with lavender leprechauns
Landed on a kaleidoscope lawn
Where a purple hippo
Spreads marmalade on toast
And I turned to you, with the googly eyes and fishy mouth
'Feelin' surreal, mate?'
And the fish went flop!
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This represents the definition of being drunk. It's genuinely funny.
"I'm flying over the toilet bowl, with lavender leprechauns
Landed on a kaleidoscope lawn
Where a purple hippo
Spreads marmalade on toast "
This is my favourite part, as it shows the person is drunk and they're seeing things.
There's nothing more to say, as its entertaining for the older audience. You wouldn't really want 5 year olds reading this, but they'll probably think it's entertaining themselves.
A great read.
Good job and keep on writing.
From LLZ
Thanks for the review!
Hi there, and happy review day! First let me say that I really enjoyed this poem. It was a tad confusing at points, but I think it was meant to be that way. This line made me laugh: "In a skin-tight dress, with the shade you call 'classy.'" I wasn't quite sure about your rhyme scheme, a few of your rhymes were quite a stretch. I don't usually pay much attention to the rhymes, but yours didn't seem very consistent. Other than that I really liked it. Especially the slight bit of repetition that ties in with your title. Really nicely done.
-Ruby-
Thanks for this review!
Hey Subtle! I want to say that I simply loved this! Strange here, and I have a review for you.
You have quite the humor, miss. The whole "surreal" thing is perfect. I loved the idea, the every varying structure, and the way you took it. You have this sort of "romantic" comedy type of vibe. Like, girl goes out, she experiments, and haves fun, but loses all sense of reality. You left it an open ended question, which is an up to this poem. You just squeezed it in. The whole idea I got out of this is
Girl goes to club,
Girl meets guy,
Girl's sense dies.
Basically, right? A great work Subtle, a great work. I found this more of a satire poem, but also a humor poem. Your humor gets shoved down my throat in a not so aggressive way. You should write more humor, because you have a sense of it. I can't praise this poem enough, so fantastic, wonderful, magnificent and so on (Don't forget majestic!)
Overall, fantastic work Subtle.
Strange gives you..
Off the charts
Wonderful job,
Keep writing
Stay groovy
:3 Wow, I wasn't such high praise from you. I always looked at myself as someone who isn't very funny. And your definitely got the idea of the poem. It was a bit of an irony on surreal as well, because a lot of people misuse it. But, thanks so much for that review. It really meant a lot to me.
Hey there sanity. This is the first work of yours that I am reading and it is just amazing. A very vivid picture you have given there. I just loved it and I really don't know what to write. All I can write is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.
. Keep up the wonderful work.
hey subtle ..
so another amazing work , it's very good and well written , sorry about "not reviewing " i just couldn't find what to tell *speechless*
Thanks smile! You're an Amazi writer as well!
anytime ^-^
Adding humour to a story, may be difficult. But to a poem, is a challenge.
This one stands tall and not just accepts but conquers the challenge. Specially the last and second last line makes you feel LOL.
The flow of word is easy. Clearly stating that you are familiar to writing. Humour has its perfect balance.
Great play of words and personally I really liked it.
On a lighter note,
Words used are 'classy' and not 'messy'
Thank you!