Glass girl

Lol, if you wrote this late at night, then you're good.

I like the interesting concept about the girl, and how she reacts to the judgment the world passes on her. It's the hard, cold truth, and you've captured it in such a beautifully dark way. My favorite part is definitely the last stanza,

"As the snowflakes fell in pairs

She meet a boy

Named hope"

Not that I always agree with the idea of escaping the world through love, but it is true that most often love is blind, and in a good way, and I'm happy that this girl so burdened with the world finds some happiness in the end.

The whole poem has a sort of surreal aura to it, definitely fantastical, and I really like that. This is a great piece I would love to add to my collection.

Thank you SubtleSanity!

Hi, "GreenTuliip" here to give you a review. With a title like "Glass Girl", you have expressed the fragility of this girl very well.
Within these two lines is where I saw it the most:
"You see, the girl she would fold and buckle

At the slightest glance"

The poem overall was marvelous and never lost focus on the one topic- the girl. I love how you show her journey through places till she finds someone that could help. I love the ending stanza:
"As the snowflakes fell in pairs
She (met) a boy
Names (H)ope"
-A few mistakes here: Meet should be met, as you are in the past tense, and the name hope should be capitalized.

This is very nice, and in a way it reminds me of my most recent poem (available at all good retailers), insomuch as you see someone broken inside. The last line was powerful and it is always a good thing to turn the poem on it's head right on the last word, as you did here.
Well done,
Take That You Fiend!

I absolutely love this. It speaks so deeply, I can definitely identify with being a brittle, glass girl, who had difficulty seeing anything in myself, always comparing myself to others, until someone I met made me see my self differently. It's beautifully descriptive.

I love that the "snowflakes fell in pairs"

I also really like the lines "a fragile outline

That were dimmed by billboard girls"

and
"often as she walked

She would glance at her friend in the mirrors"
I thought that it cut very deeply that she looks in mirrors to see others, not herself.

Really, I just thought it was lovely. Keep it up!

Wow, this is amazing! I love it! I personally write best at night as well, and I think that you've proved that you do too!
My favourite lines were by far the last ones, they had so much meaning behind them as added a bit of a twist to the story which I like!
Your ideas are fabulous and descriptions are absolutely amazing. I really enjoyed reading this, keep it up!

Hey there SubtleSanity!

I loved your poetry! This is truly a beautiful and unique piece. I love the ending; how it ended happily.
I found no mistakes, grammatical or any other; it's flawless.
Really well done! Keep up the good work!

Keep writing,
~Gigi

i really liked this .the description of the girl and how there was something a little happy in the end

I really enjoyed reading the description of the girl. It reminds me of the writing style of The house on Mango Street. I would have liked to hear more about this girl but I guess that's what makes a great poem great. This is probably my own ignorance but is Hope a real boy or was that just symbolizing something else? I would hope to see more of this story unfold if possible.

So its aouther2b here to review. I read your little description thing and had to laugh because its very funny how at midnigt we have brilliant thhougts that aren't always that coherant. So onto the review!

What I liked:

1. The message. It is gripping and powerful. Slightly overused but its a fun idea to play with and make your own. The feeling of loss and desolation is very prominate and it isn't lost on the reader.

2. The flow. For the most part you have a pretty smooth flow. It is very simple and easy to read.

What I didn't like:

I want to preface this with the fact I hope you feel I am not attacking you. This is going to seem like a bunch of mean things to say since there will be so much, but trust me when I say I really liked the piece.

1. Coherancy. I know you preface this with the fact it probably won't be coherant, but when your posting things on here be prepared for this kind of remark. You are skipping from idea to idea. Yes, they are all under one central theme, but you loose most of what you had in mind.

2."The girl...she thought/ Was broken/ Like a rose snapped from its stem, devoid of life/ Or so she thought" There are a couple of things wrong with this stanza. For one, you don't need the repeat of she thought. Get rid of one of them or replace it. It is very confusing. also who is thinking this. The girl? Someone who saw her? Is this about the girls reflection you talked about earlier? It isn't clear who's point of view this is in. You give the feeling it's the broken girl's opinion of herself but the way you say it is as if it was a bystander watching this sad girl.


3. Diction. The word choices you used could have been better, both for the flow and rhythm as well as tone. Perhaps be more colorful in your language towards the end. "cold winter day" could have so much more stronger emotion.

4. The ending. There is so much more you can do with this poem. Why did things change when she met a boy named hope? I get what your trying to say, she found hope, but what exactly did the hope do for her? If you add onto it there is a really good story you can tell. Also in the stanza what dows the snowflake in Paris (which is not capitalized like it should be by the way). I get the symbolism and that Paris is the city of love, but I fail to see its relevance to the story you are telling.

Overall:

It is a start. I like what is going on and the story your telling. It is very relatable. I would make sure before you post on yws that you make sure you, yourself understand everyline. If you do then you can support whoever comes to critique it, if you don't agree with what they say. I wish you the best of luck! Great job and Keep writing