Simmering scarlet
Basked in streaks of yellow
Nestled in folds of ivory cream
With hues of lambent green
Coloured the sky
With the shade
We call
Sunset
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I really liked this - the colour imagery paints a vibrant picture and it ends on a nice subtle note but it still makes you feel like there's some definite kind of finality. Well done
Thank you.
I really liked this - the colour imagery paints a vibrant picture and it ends on a nice subtle note but it still makes you feel like there's some definite kind of finality. Well done
Amazing work, honestly. What can I say except that you definitely captured the sunset in a bottle so we can all share it. I love how even the words you picked to explain the different colors create the image that I would associate with them.
"Simmering scarlet
Basked in streaks of yellow
Nestled in folds of ivory cream
With hues of lambent green"
Beautiful imagery there. I really, really like your work.
Thank you SubtleSanity!
xD, thanks mate. Glad you liked it.
Absolutely wonderful. Great imagery and depiction of sunset. There is just something comforting and relaxing about watching a sunset. My favourate line is 'Nestled in folds of ivory cream.' While the whole poem is great, that line especially sticks out to me. I see nothing that needs any improvement. (Sorry for any typos I am writing this on my mobile and I am not used to that.)
The current trend of really short works on YWS at the moment means this work fits right in.
So here goes a line by line analysis:
‘Simmering scarlet’ – I like the alliteration here, and the language used helps build an image in the reader’s mind.
‘Basked in streaks of yellow’ – again very flowery language that paints a clear picture of your descriptive subject.
‘Nestled in folds of ivory cream.’ – for some reason this makes me think of ice cream. And birds. XD Probably just because I am weird.
‘With hues of lambent green.’ – I think you are beginning to overdo the description here somewhat, and it becomes a bit repetitive and overworked.
‘Coloured the sky.’ – in contrast to my previous point, this line is really simple and doesn’t fit with the previous style of the work at all.
‘With the shade… we call… Sunset.’
I appreciate what you are doing here and it’s very nice in terms of description, however, I feel like the whole piece is very flouncy.
I’m not sure how you would define the purpose of this work, but I would recommend making the flowery language remain throughout the entire piece, so there is some sort of continuity.
Keep writing.
Hiya there- "GreenTulip" here to leave you a touching review.
. I have a single word to say about this poem- amazing. Within a short amount of space you pulled in a huge amount of imagery. As I read line to line, I could see the different colors that make up sunset. This was well done and shows the colors of sunset very well. This made me glad that I clicked upon the tittle upon seeing it in the Green Room. This has been well done. And welcome to Young Writers^.^. I will be coming back to your profile to read your other works for sure. Have a good day now, and I hope you enjoyed this review.