Young Writers Society

Hi Aly!

I really love the way you've formatted this. Those little dots seem very simple and innocent which is very much in keeping with the tone and theme of your poem and I enjoyed that.

An artist’s soul, woven through chords and thereby set free.

I savor this connection, though we’ve never met.

I don’t know your face, but you’ve bared your heart to me,

And oh, how beautiful, how painfully broken it is.

I’d like to lose myself here, so let’s forget all we are,

For as long as the song lasts.

Alright, so:

I loved the formatting on this one, the lil dots are unique: I haven't seen it done this way before though I wouldn't be surprised if its been done before. Now that I look at it, I wonder if there is a symbolism behind there being one dot before the first stanza and three after the last, whereas every other stanza has two.

I like how each line starts with "I love music." It flows nicely and is poetic. I also love the way the words "five minute snippet" just tingle in my head. It's great!

I especially like how the ending of the poem references that line. It shows how all this is going on but only in the "five minute snippet" that the song lasts for. The narrator loves music because all this can happen in the span of five minutes (or how long the song lasts), and all the joys and sorrows and stories told by the song are in its own temporary space.

The only criticism I have is that each stanza seems to talk about the same thing in a different way. I feel that it would be more interesting if each stanza reviewed a different reason why the narrator loves music. The repetition of "I love music" would sound like they're listing off reasons they love music, and then at the end its all wrapped into one with the two last lines.

The two last lines are absolutely my favorite, by the way!

This poem definitely made me feel things. I love it!

Hey! I'll just be dropping a short review because I love the poem and to me, it's one of the best descriptions of music I've seen but of course it's not just that.

I'm going to go verse by verse and just tell you what came to my mind and what I felt it meant.

The world gathered and bound in a five-minute snippet,

An artist’s soul, woven through chords and thereby set free.

I savor this connection, though we’ve never met.

The memories it brings; once lost, now awoken.

Requiem, old anthem, of the child I was,

Let me sink into your lovely lament

I’d like to lose myself here, so let’s forget all we are,

For as long as the song lasts.

"The balm that soothes the weary heart." Use a different word than balm. Make it more personal. Like, the toy, or pill. Or more abstract like, the dream, vien, something.

"I’d like to lose myself here, so let’s forget all we are," This line is more personal, you can remove it but don't if it makes you like the poem less. It would be more powerful without it. More direct.

"An artist’s soul, woven through chords and thereby set free." Great line.

Hey, Aly!

Wow. Just... Wow. It's an absolutely stunning little poem. I don't see a lot of your work of late (other than your fantastic art, of course) so this came as a wonderful surprise.

I really like how you speak about music as being connected to the body - "Thrumming in my chest once again,
My heartbeat the rhythm, my breath in each pause."
Such lovely verses! You've really outdone yourself here.

The world gathered and bound in a five-minute snippet,
An artist’s soul, woven through chords and thereby set free.

The beat like waves that take hold,

Heeey I'm Buranko, ready to review your poem.
The theme of the poem is something I really love, currently listening to music while typing, and was really curious to see how will you treat the subject.
What I found was another world, with metaphors roaming wildly, energetically painting this wonderful picture.
I am a huge fan of metaphors, therefore a huge fan of your poem. Some of your metaphors really impressed me, I wouldn't have thought about them before "an artist's soul woven through chords".
Every stanza covers a different topic. The first one describes music as a whole, the second talks about the memories music can bring back and the third is about the soothing effect music can have.
I strongly believe that music is the art form that resonates best with our fragile human hearts.Keep up the good work!