I thought I craved your presence,
Tried to mold love from the clay of our moments,
Deceived myself with visions of happiness at your side,
Yet now, as clarity dawns like a mournful sunrise,
I recognize the truth,
I never truly longed for you.
I adored the notion of who you were and what we could be,
Yet deep down, I was merely captivated
By the fact that you were the first to truly care about me.
When we first crossed paths,
We conversed through the night,
Your unwavering attention made me feel so cherished,
At last, someone who prioritized me,
No one else in your world mattered,
It was all about me, In the dim light, your hair remained a mystery,
But in the flickering firelight, I studied the contours of your face.
Respectfully, you walked me home,
Asked for my number, a dream I'd clung to so tightly,
And the next day, a text popped up, an invite in disguise,
I couldn't contain my excitement,
Little did I know, it was the start of a heartache in disguise.
Rock climbing, you taught me to belay,
And laughter filled the air, I smiled throughout.
Bowling and dinner, no one could compare to you,
The musical, meeting your family,
Crafting a lasting first impression,
Stargazing, painting at sunset,
More stars than I'd ever seen,
A picnic and hammocking,
You walked me home at 1:30, despite your 8 AM class,
A movie and our first kiss, My first kiss.
I believed I was falling for you,
Until the 4th of July,
When I gathered the courage to ask,
"What are we?"
A question that cut through my emotions like a sharp blade,
I'm so sorry,
I'm visiting home during the break,
Sorry for being distant.
It's not you; it's me,
But the truth lies somewhere in between,
My feelings for you had shifted,
Every moment with you had become a burden,
I'm on a path of self-discovery,
A journey I must undertake alone.
You deserve better,
Truly, you do,
Even though every moment with you felt like a weight,
I still miss what we once were,
And what we might have become,
It's me, it truly is,
But it's also you,
I don't know how to mend myself anymore.
Now, it's over,
When my parents ask about you,
I'll tell them you're doing well,
Immersed in your studies,
Yet you live just down the street.
You're more of a friend now than anything else,
The moments we've shared hold significance,
Everything was genuine and meaningful,
I'll never forget how safe I felt with you,
But I'll also never forget the freedom I found when we said goodbye.
All I want you to know is that I'm sorry,
We never got to create the memories we yearned for,
We never shared a final kiss,
I'll miss the tranquility I felt in your arms at sunset,
And how your embrace kept me warm.
I'm sorry I couldn't offer you what you hoped for,
I'm sorry I couldn't grow to love you,
Or linger long enough to hear you say it,
You deserve more,
What I'm trying to say is, I'll cherish every beautiful moment we had,
And hold onto these memories forever.
Goodbye, I'll see you around.