Tiny bits of you

Hello hikarihateke here with a review!

Aw what a lovely lil love poem here you have!

However I feel the word 'your' is a bit overused?

But I totally get what your saying ya know?

{Memories only go so far} wow this was really deep for me I loved it!

{I wish I had more tiny bits of you. }. It really is the little things isn't it? But also the whole beautiful picture of the person you obviously hold so dear to you!

Overall this was a very lovely poem ❤

First of all I would like to say that I just loved this poem. I think the emotions expressed here are ones anyone who has ever cared for somebody can identify with - the sense of waiting and longing. I loved the way you started out the poem with a strong simple line that catches the reader by the lapels. The first two lines, because of their matter of fact ordinariness perfectly set up for the punch of third line, which is when the emotions this ordinary sight brings to the speaker are first subtly introduced. These emotions are then even more strongly shown in the “you taught me feelings I still don’t understand” . This line could have so many meanings it could be a poem in itself. It could refer to the speaker’s relative lack of knowledge of love as opposed to their friend. It could also be a kind of denial of these emotions in the middle of a rather emotionally revealing poem, a way of backtracking a little during a confession. And of course the image of the loved person as a teacher could also refer to the fact that by letting themselves become vulnerable,( by falling in love) they have had to go deeper into themselves and found out new things about themselves as a person in general, not just in relation to their friend. Any or more of such meanings just give depth and complexity to a poem, so I see no need to decide completely for any one interpretation. Then at the end of the poem you’ve got a beautiful rhetorical triple, which however beautiful though, is really a foil to the poem’s climax, the thing the writer has previously only skirted around. I love the way this poem shows how after The probing and exploring of one’s feelings, one has the courage to declare, even if only to oneself, one’s true emotions.

Ah this poem is so very relatable and pretty heart catching I'd say ! <3

I think you've communicated the way that "little pieces" of a person get left behind either in physical objects or memories and how they make it harder to leave them behind. I always think about how hard it is to let go of like old couple or family photographs, but how as long as you're hanging on to them, you really can't let go. I think a lot of people can relate to this subject whether in romantic relationships or familial relationships.

A few observations -

Usually I really strongly advocate against using ellipses (...) but in this case I think it left an almost visual cue of the things left behind and I really liked that in the 2nd to last line! Your other punctuation is light and certainly doesn't get in the way, it might have been interesting to end without a period as if the narrator was continuing to trail off into the distance as they can't let go.

I did feel that there were sections that got a little too repetitive with the multiple renditions of "there are little bits left behind" / "there are physical traces" - I think you can shorten this poem quite a bit and cut out some of the redundancy will make it even more impactful! Repetition can be good in poetry, but only if the repetition is instrumental or actually adds new meaning to the piece.

I think something else that you could try out is using a single significant object or metaphor to kind of link or carry through the images. Because some of the images came across as a bit random, it'd be nice to get a little bit of their background meaning or choose ones with a bit clearer meaning (ie. a missing sock is sort of random, and not naturally poetic -> you could certainly make it poetic but it'd have to be expanded, a "sock without a pair" on the other hand is a bit symbolic, and a "sock without a foot" is even more laden with imagery, see how you can stretch the images you've got to be more poetic, symbolic, and filled with imagery to bring this poem to the next level.

Lastly I'm not sure the color imagery added much because it also came across as a bit random and disconnected maybe the gold and purple meant something to the narrator, but I wasn't sure what it was supposed to communicate to me.

Overall, this is a poem that pulled at my heart strings a bit and made me think about people I've loved! Getting readers to be able to connect to emotions and care about the story you're weaving is a great skill that not everyone can do! <3 Thanks for sharing and definitely keep up writing!

~ alliyah

The poem is simple but takes on the most complicated subject there is, love. I really admire that about it. In such a simple way you describe how it feels to miss someone close to your heart once the two of you have parted. All of it is so very personal, and it seems almost desperate. When I read it, I felt how much you want to be reunited with the one you love, so much so, that you grab and hold onto every little reminder of them that is in your life. You showed perfectly how the tiny things often hit us like a truck with all the emotions that are tied to them. I felt that many times in my life, and reading your poem I was reminded of all those times. This thing is a memory and feeling reshaped into a poem and I love it.

Heya, Rubes here with a review quickly!

(First of all, please just know that I am in Year 8 (13 years old) so some of this feedback may be irrelevant to what you want to achieve! These reviews are mainly to improve my writing and grammar whilst also helping someone else with their work, from a different perspective.)

First impressions: Heartbreaking. As a single pringle, I still felt the pain in your vocabulary and sentence structure you used, which really shows how great your writing is! I liked the end part of the I wish, it really showed the begging you want to say...the sadness in your words.
I am just going to quickly delve in deeper to small extracts and phrases to give further feedback.

Your water bottle is on my desk

And I love to look at it.

Empty and purple, a reminder of you

Memories only go so far

I wish you were here more often

I wish you would leave more things

I wish I had more tiny bits of you.

because I love you

Hey! Here for a short review.
First of all, I love your poem. A few nitpicks I have:

You forgot it when you were here last

You taught me feelings I still don't understand

Left your marks like gold lines on my brain

A memory of laying on the floor with you

Hey Ace! Incoming review!

Your poem piqued my interest and I'm sure glad I read it. Poetry about friends is even more touching than romance can be. They just make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Now with that out of the way let me get into the actual poem.

I'll start out with critiques first.

Empty and purple, a reminder of you

A memory of laying on the floor with you

I wish you were here more often

I wish you would leave more things

I wish I had more tiny bits of you.

...

Because I love you.