i used to think being god was a bad thing
raising myself on a pedestal so high i couldn't touch anyone else
but then i realized that atop a golden throne
no one could hurt me
and so i climbed higher into the sky
i haven't touched reality in so long now
my head is full of clouds
the world below seems so boring
in the heavens i cannot cry or scream or remember
and it is perfect
everything is blurry now
the colours the words my body
i am sitting but i cannot tell if it's soft
my father is yelling but I cannot hear the words
my hands are moving and creating
there is a small mushroom a page of letters characters that are just me in disguise
and it is my world
i cannot hear my family screaming at each other
my headphones cancel the noise
i turn the music up until i cannot hear my thoughts
and i keep creating my world
and i whisper to myself "i am god"
and i do not smile
because god does not feel
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
I love this poem so much. The concept is so beautiful, creative, and heartbreaking.
I love the style of little to no punctuation, but I think commas would’ve made the lists easier to read, but it’s just a stylistic choice! Thank you so much for sharing this poem, I love it so much!! <3
Hello there!
This poem of yours is very nice. I can imagine so many things with every single line you wrote and how the narrator feels like. And the images in my mind feel and look so ethereal and beautiful in some way. But in can be sad though. Especially the line, "i cannot hear my family screaming at each other". It's like the narrator's family argues a lot so this person doesn't want to feel anything. It reminds me of an old poem that was in my old phone so I wasn't able to save it. But it's really nice too. I don't know if you mean this but you don't put capital letters. Over all, it still nice.
Merry Christmas and have a good day/night.
Hi, this has an intriguing perspective, and so I'll give it my time.
Opening line could be sharper: bad is a vague adjective, and so is noun thing. In the future you could decide to select language that will spin or leap more potently. Hurt is another example of a weak verb, when something even simple as wound could invoke more imagery. Just food for thought.
Gold throne is highly cliche, but it does get the point across about being on a pedestal. Now the transition from first half to the second half didn't blend so gloriously, YET the second half I found majestic as soon as you are sitting but cannot feel whether the lofty realms are even soft. What a mysterious thing to say!
In order to transition better, tho, I thinking you should move that line up a couple notches. Cause i feel it's more appropriate closer to the clouds mention. And yelling father is going to stir me hard again, so space between those two lines revamps the fuel of intrigue at distance, instead of absorbing the impact from each other.
And then my favorite part! Mushroom page of (maybe could say littered?) Characters that are just yourself in remnant parcels! It needs some punctuation the way you write it, but the meaning is still evident and not lost
And of course the couplet at the end drives the nail in the coffin. You feel God is distant, aloof, even possibly uninterested. That's killer for emotions sake, even tho I would suggest the matter of the Creator's intervention to profit our lives is complicated by the free will bestowed to each individual and so refrains from imposing its own Forces to dictate Flows of Love Securities - but in ways I think we can see reassurances/blessings, albeit I sympathize because Divine help cannot be directly interpreted most times cause our own determination seems also required to work in tandem to exiting a caged situation