z

Young Writers Society



I (still) Love You

by AceassinOfTheMoon


There are no longer nights
where I sit and stare
wondering if she's there

The circle beside her name is red
Do Not Disturb
but I know the words aren't for me

I still love her
enough to fight God for her
but I love her peacefully now too

She says I love you
I say it too
we both know what it means now

Saying it means so much more
from me to her than her to me
is wrong (and bad grammar)

From me, it holds romance
from her, it's platonic
and both meanings are right

These feelings aren't wrong
and I didn't need to be scared
because she's still my safe place

If I could go back
I'd talk to the person I was
and I'd tell them all about us

I'd tell them that
she doesn't love us like that
but she still holds our hand

and
we want to kiss her when she laughs
and we get shivers when she touches us

and
she rests her head on our shoulder when we're on the couch
she calls us beautiful and our heart skips a beat

and
we hunt ghosts with her
and we want to hold her when she gets scared

and
we joke about that night
we call her our 'gay awakening' and she laughs

and
it hasn't stopped hurting yet
not quite

and
it doesn't matter that she isn't ours
because she loves us anyway

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672 Reviews

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Sun Sep 18, 2022 4:44 pm
Plume says...



Hey there!

This was such a sweet poem—especially compared with the first iteration of it (or the prequel to it? It's kind of both, in a way). I loved the callbacks you made to the original poem, like the "fighting God" aspect of it. I also just love the narrative in this; reconciliation with things that will never be is so important in life, and I feel like I never hear people talk/write about it. You really did a nice job of showing how love is love, no matter whether it's platonic or romantic.

I think my favorite part was the end, with the repetition of "and." It was so nice for building a consistent rhythm and it lent itself super nicely to that sweet ending.




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Tue Sep 13, 2022 2:28 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello, I hope you are having a good day or night!
Wow, geez, this poem hit me right in the feels when I least expected it, lol! It's so much gentler and sweet than I would've expected, knowing what it's about. But I love it, because this is exactly what it feels like! Frankly, I wish I could give this poem to my younger self to read, because this is exactly what she would've needed, y'know? I guess what I'm trying to say is, thank you for writing this.
I think far and away my favorite part of the poem is at the end, where it sorta cascades into this waterfall of moments between you and 'her.' It's just so darn impactful.
This is a nitpick, but I noticed in your fourth stanza-

She says I love you
I say it too
We both know what it means now

You capitalize "We" which is inconsistent with the remainder of the poem.
I wish I could give you more technical feedback, but I wanted to let you know that this was a wonderful read :) Keep on writing, and have a great day!






ah, shoot, I knew I'd mess up the capitalization somewhere, thank you for catching that and thank you for the review XD



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Tue Sep 13, 2022 12:57 am
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Hijinks wrote a review...



Ouchh, nothing hits quite so hard as friends-that-are-unrequited-gay-awakenings poetry.

You do such a great job of encapsulating that overpowering feeling that's always there when you're in love with your friend - that, yes, you love hanging out with them, but there's a part of you that's always going to want more and it's going to feel like that little part of you is hollow without more. I also enjoy that the poem centers around the - I don't want to say innocent, exactly, but more wholesome? - aspects of love. Maybe that's just my acespec-ness coming through, but I can relate to "I would fight GOD for you" and "I want to hold you when you're scared" far more than any kind of physical imagery.

I don't usually see content/calm poems about unrequited love, so I enjoyed seeing that unique perspective! The narrator doesn't at all come across as upset with their friend, or the world, or anything like that; I get the sense that they've resigned themself to the fact that their friend loves them differently than they do, and that's okay, because it's still a valid form of love. Which is a really beautiful sentiment, I think <3

I think my favourite line is

The circle beside her name is red
Do Not Disturb
but I know the words aren't for me

because it's such a simple, unassuming image, but it shows how deep these two friends' relationship is.

That leads me to my next point! Is that I feel like incorporating more images like this would take the poem to the next level. You have a lot of beautiful sentiments in this poem, but for the most part you convey them by just - saying them. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but it can add a bit of pizzaz if sometimes you take a detour on the way to saying them, if that makes any sense at all. Like, if we take "and we get shivers when she touches us" and tack on something extra snazzy on the end like "she traces a heartbeat into our nerves" there's just a bit more oomph there. Obviously that's my language, not yours, so it doesn't really fit the tone of the poem - but hopefully you get the idea!

I think a good way to take a stab at that is to a) if you wanna go abstract, think about how the girl makes you feel and try to match an image to that based on vibes and take it from there or b) stay literal! and just word vomit how you literally feel, emotionally, or physically, and then weed through the word vomit to find eloquent descriptions. And then see where you go from there!

Speaking of pizzaz, though, something I do love is how you use the repetition of "and" towards the end of the poem. It makes me feel kind of breathless or like these thoughts/memories are tumbling out of the narrator faster than they can say/remember them, which is a super cool effect. It's also an interesting transition into all lowercase, whereas earlier in the poem your capitalization is a bit more conventional. That makes it feel like the narrator is slowly becoming more open and vulnerable towards the end of the poem, as they get comfortable, if that makes sense.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem. I related to it painfully much, sadly, and also kudos to you for making me feel simultaneously happy and lonely while thinking about someone this poem reminds me of <.< That's not an easy task to accomplish! Sometimes the nicest poetry is the stuff that's just a person feeling something, and putting it down on a page, and having other people read it and go "oh yeah, I feel ya".

I hope this review proves useful for you! Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to elaborate on, or anything I didn't cover that you'd like me to!

Best,
Seirre






Thank you for the review!! ace love poems for the win, am I right XD
I'll keep the imagery thing in mind for next time! I don't tend to do that kind of thing very well the first time I write something, it always ends up being kinda straight-forward, but that is something I'd like to get better at >.>



Hijinks says...


That's totally fair! That's what first drafts are for, anyways!

ace love poems are in a league of their own and no one can prove otherwise~




If I seem to wander, if I seem to stray, remember that true stories seldom take the straightest way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind