I want to believe
that our love is real,
not just a game,
but how you truly feel.
I'm dying for a way
for me to really know
that what you're thinking
is the same as what you show.
There were so many moments
that I wanted to freeze,
but those times are gone,
lost in the breeze.
Maybe it was the time,
spring, love in the air,
it was just the season,
and you never really cared.
Each time you say goodbye,
I pray it's not the last,
but maybe happiness
was just a thing of the past.
You're part of me now,
and every time you walk away,
I have to stop myself
from begging you to stay.
I bite my tongue,
and tuck the words away,
more scared of what you'd think,
than of what you'd actually say. ,,
I wonder if it hurts you
when our hands drift apart,
to you it might be nothing,
but it always breaks my heart.
When we're together,
everything feels right,
you're the first text in the morning
and the last call at night.
But the moment you're gone,
I can't help but feel
like it was just a lie,
and none of it was real.
I know that I love you,
I guess I'm just afraid,
that even though you say it,
you don't feel the same.
I've tried so hard
to build these walls,
but around you,
they always seem to fall.
I just want to say I'm sorry
that I don't say how I feel;
I'm just scared to admit
that to me, this love is real.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,080 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Tinybookfarie here for a review!
I love it when poems ryhme. It’s neat, skilled, and beautiful all at the same time and that is what I would describe your poem. I think you did a marvelous job and I love this. The only thing i’ll Point out was the part that said..
“I guess i’m Just afraid
That even though you say it,
You don’t feel the same.”
There is nothing entirely wrong with it, because it kinda sounds similar, but i just feel like you couldv’e written in a way that was a lot more smother like with a lot of the other words. Other than that, I think it was GREAT!!!!
My favorite part was..
“There was so many moments
That I wanted to freeze.
But those times are gone,
Lost in the breeze.”
Good job and keep up the good work!!!!!!!!:):)
Thank you for the review, hope you have a great day!
Tinybookfarie here for a review!
I love it when poems ryhme. It’s neat, skilled, and beautiful all at the same time and that is what I would describe your poem. I think you did a marvelous job and I love this. The only thing i’ll Point out was the part that said..
“I guess i’m Just afraid
That even though you say it,
You don’t feel the same.”
There is nothing entirely wrong with it, because it kinda sounds similar, but i just feel like you couldv’e written in a way that was a lot more smother like with a lot of the other words. Other than that, I think it was GREAT!!!!
My favorite part was..
“There was so many moments
That I wanted to freeze.
But those times are gone,
Lost in the breeze.”
Good job and keep up the good work!!!!!!!!:):)
Hi.
Your poet was quite amazing piece of work. You are very good in describing human feelings.
You have chosen your words very correctly and carefully in this poem, and each words seems to be well-thought.
Your poem is really great, which means rarely a word needs to be changed, and every single word is in its own place.
By the way, your last two verses are really amazing and catching- the most of all the others.
Keep writing!
Hi 1nspire!!!
This is a really great poem, it's very lyrical.
I just have ONE mistake to point out: In the following phrase you wrote:
"I wonder if it hurts you
when are hands drift apart,"
I don't know if you noticed but you wrote "are" as in "are you okay?". I'm pretty sure you meant to write "our" instead of "are".
Over all, your poem was great and very emotional! Great job!
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Hey! Full disclosure, I don't usually review poetry. I write a little, but that does not mean I know what I'm doing, and thus, I really don't know what I'm talking about. That said, here is my amateur opinion from the eyes of someone who does not consistently read, write, or review poetry. Lovely, let's go.
I know that poetry gains some strengths from repetition, as do most forms of media (see, Hamilton, the musical if you don't think it stretches further than the literary arts. No one can tell me to "Wait for it" anymore with me getting chills from my conflicting emotions. That musical is good. Moving on.) but here that tactic, as you used it, wasn't as well done as it could have been. Every single, what do you call it? Stanza? Whatever it is, the paragraph things, are the same. Instead of building up layers of emotion by making the reader (me) associate different emotions with the same pattern, in this case, the pattern of the lines (referring to the number of syllables in each line in what order) (I wasn't kidding when I said I didn't know what I was talking about). Anyway, instead of that, the repetition is causing that effect where your eyes see that everything is really similar so they skip over stuff. (there's probably a name for that).
Anyway, as this probably made abundantly clear, I don't know anything about poetry. I'm literally stating the rules of motifs in writing in what is probably the most confusing way possible as it relates to my opinion of your poem. You should probably ignore me. I'm going to bed (because I have to wake up tomorrow, you know, like a responsible human, of which I am neither)