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E - Everyone


by 1nspire

Each of us sits,                                                                                                                                   neither saying a word,                                                                                                                      tension runs high                                                                                                                                 but there's no sound to be heard.

I wait for you to speak                                                                                                                              and imagine you're doing the same                                                                                                         but even if I wanted to                                                                                                                               I wouldn't know what to say.

This is new territory for us                                                                                                                    we never really fight                                                                                                                            I'm starting to miss the times                                                                                                            when everything was alright.

I lift my head                                                                                                                                       unable to control my gaze,                                                                                                                   but when our eyes meet                                                                                                                       we both turn away.

The silence is killing me                                                                                                                      but I'm to afraid to break it;                                                                                                                 there's to much space                                                                                                                         but I can't erase it.

A soft whisper                                                                                                                                    begins to echo through the phone                                                                                                      and suddenly                                                                                                                                           I don't feel so alone.

Our eyes meet,                                                                                                                                     no turning away,                                                                                                                                      and we both smile                                                                                                                                  as our song starts to play.


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7 Reviews

Points: 113
Reviews: 7

Tue Jan 08, 2019 3:49 pm
ScarredSecrets wrote a review...


Scarred here for a review!

Overall Thoughts:
I really enjoyed it! I could feel the emotion coming from the words. I also really enjoyed the form of the poem. It could not have been intentional but it is quite interesting. I am a sucker for rhyming and the rhyme scheme works so well in this poem!! The rhythm is pretty good too. I also love how it isn’t too long. I mean it depends on the person who reads it. Some people like long ones, others don’t, people like me, love both. It was short but really good!

Friendly Suggestions:
Maybe a bit more detail. Describe the surroundings and use colorful comparisons to show your feelings more. Imagery is always an amazing touch! An example of how you could do this would be like...instead of “I wait for you to speak...” you could do, “The ache of the silence is testing my patience for you to speak” It doesn’t exactly fit the rhyme scheme and rhythm but I’m just trying to give an example.

1nspire says...

Thanks for the tips, I really appreciate the review. Have a great day!

User avatar

Points: 51
Reviews: 1

Tue Jan 08, 2019 3:41 am
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NoSleep2586 wrote a review...

I like it. It reminds me of a experience that I had with my significant other. We sat there in silence then I played a song and we both laughed and sang and everything thing was alright. Thank you for reminding me about that special moment that I had with this special person in my life whom I love deeply and care about.

1nspire says...

I'm glad you could relate:)

Surround yourself with people who are serious about being writers, and who will tell you, ‘Hey—you can do better than this.’ Who will be critical of your work, but also supportive. And who will not be competitive in a negative way.
— Isabel Quintero