Each of us sits, neither saying a word, tension runs high but there's no sound to be heard.
I wait for you to speak and imagine you're doing the same but even if I wanted to I wouldn't know what to say.
This is new territory for us we never really fight I'm starting to miss the times when everything was alright.
I lift my head unable to control my gaze, but when our eyes meet we both turn away.
The silence is killing me but I'm to afraid to break it; there's to much space but I can't erase it.
A soft whisper begins to echo through the phone and suddenly I don't feel so alone.
Our eyes meet, no turning away, and we both smile as our song starts to play.
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140,080 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
‘Ello!
Scarred here for a review!
Overall Thoughts:
I really enjoyed it! I could feel the emotion coming from the words. I also really enjoyed the form of the poem. It could not have been intentional but it is quite interesting. I am a sucker for rhyming and the rhyme scheme works so well in this poem!! The rhythm is pretty good too. I also love how it isn’t too long. I mean it depends on the person who reads it. Some people like long ones, others don’t, people like me, love both. It was short but really good!
Friendly Suggestions:
Maybe a bit more detail. Describe the surroundings and use colorful comparisons to show your feelings more. Imagery is always an amazing touch! An example of how you could do this would be like...instead of “I wait for you to speak...” you could do, “The ache of the silence is testing my patience for you to speak” It doesn’t exactly fit the rhyme scheme and rhythm but I’m just trying to give an example.
Thanks for the tips, I really appreciate the review. Have a great day!
I like it. It reminds me of a experience that I had with my significant other. We sat there in silence then I played a song and we both laughed and sang and everything thing was alright. Thank you for reminding me about that special moment that I had with this special person in my life whom I love deeply and care about.
I'm glad you could relate:)