Young Writers Society

I really like this!!!! Thank for posting!! I love the shape and sound of the poem. The way it is read makes it sound like waves crashing on the beach. Keep writing!! -hermione

Hi! I love this poem, the formatting is very original. I especially like how it's reminiscent of the crashing and receding of waves. I interpreted it to be about feeling alone, and wishing somebody would come for you. Your imagery is not convoluted and leaves me with a clear picture in my head.

My only critique would be for you to connect the third stanza to the idea of loneliness, maybe to elaborate on what being carried away in the waves would mean for you. Perhaps the waves could represent the lover you desire, or maybe they would stop you from feeling lonely.

Overall, this is a very unique but also universal poem! I look forwards to seeing more creative pieces like this from you in the future

Happy writing,

Stella

I like the way you formatted this piece. It really brings out the poetry and gives a feeling of wanting to go with the flow of the ocean. I never thought formatting would have an effect, but it does. Good job.
I think you did really well with having recurring lines throughout the poem, so as to sort of recap what you desire by using the same words used in different ways. I like this a lot and it is very sweet. It shows how one could long for something yet not be too terribly distraught about it, that one can enjoy the present while still yearning for a future.

I'm a fan of the formatting and rhyme scheme. It created a neat rolling effect to mimic the waves returning to shore.

I interpreted this to about a speaker who wishes that their love was reliable and would come and show them affection or even "rescue" them, and they get to longing so much that they end up just wishing the sea would even just take them away because they're sick of waiting for the person. And they realize in the end that their hopes are just dreams, and that they are there alone. It's sort of a sad poem - with a single note of emotion. It would be interesting if you had one stanza of any hope - but mostly it's just longing, despair and lonliness.

I think overall it is pretty clear narrative poem, in that the speaker and subject are clearly defined and it's easy to follow what is going on, though you do add a layer of complexity with the ocean metaphor. On meaning, my one critique would be that you have a bit of a split conflict - the desire for affection ("hold my hand") and the desire to not be lonely "this lonely land" - are both pretty clearly related, but the escapist conflict of wanting to get carried away, escape, and be "caught in the waves" - is really a different conflict. Now I could see if how the two could be connected in three ways
1) using the classic "no man is an island" line - the "land" could be a representation of the self/ego -> this connection would need to be made more explicitly to be successful I believe.
2) explain where the speaker wants to escape to in a way that connects with the first conflict of lonliness/absence of affection.
3) explain what the speaker wants to escape [i]from[i] in a way that connects with the first conflict.

^ This is really a minor clarity critique, but keeping your conflicts clear in future poems, or at least threading the multiple conflicts together I think always makes the narrative aspect stronger.

Now with the wording, I thought the poem flowed fairly well! You kept lines pretty consistent, and the rhyming gave it a nice flow. One wording thing I thought was odd was when the speaker said, "The beach sits peacefully " -> I absolutely get the meaning, but imagining a beach sitting was a weird visual that was just didn't work for me. "lays" or "rests" might work better.

That was about all I could think of, everything else was really very tight. I also appreciated the bits of repeated language and lines, which capitalized on the rolling/repeating aspect of the poem, because it felt like it almost looped back to the beginning at the end.

Well done, I look forward to reading more of your poetry!

~alliyah