There is a space between us
that I wish to erase;
an impenetrable wall
that I can't break.
I want to move closer,
but with every step I take,
another head turns
and pushes me away.
There are too many eyes,
and too many stares.
I don't understand
why they even care.
Maybe we're different,
but this is who we are.
The fact that we're not "normal"
shouldn't keep us apart.
It's times like this
that I wish we were alone,
a place without judgement
where we can be at home.
My hands are ice,
shaking from the cold;
My body aches
needing something to hold.
Your hand is there
but it's too far away,
in the space between us
that I can't erase.
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This is really good. It shows what people have to face in everyday life because they aren't "normal" or because they are seen as different to everyone else. It also shows lots of emotion and it should make people realise that their judgement affects people more than they realise. I love things like these because it makes me think of how powerful words can be, obviously this can be bad sometimes but it can also be extremely good and show people that they need to see how hurtful their own words/actions are. This has to be one of my favourite poems.
Thank you so much!!
Hi 1nspire! I’m Poppy, and I’m here for a review!
Let me start off by saying that I love some of the rhymes you have in here. They flow really well, which makes reading this poem so much more interesting. And yes, this poem was interesting! I’m not quite sure what the ‘space between’ is, like imagined said below, maybe it’s about sexuality, culture, or just the judgement from the people around these characters. Either way, I would recommend making it a little bit clearer because then I feel that I would bond with the characters more, and understand the poem and where the judgment is coming from a little more. But that’s honestly the only thing I can think of improving, your word choices are great, and as I said above, it flows really well. Overall, it’s a very nice poem!
Keep up the great work!
- Poppy
Poems like this send a chill up my spine. Not in a creepy way, but the sadness is there in a bittersweet moment. The two people are close enough to touch physically, but spiritually, that cannot be possible. Your use of words are brilliant, and the reader gets a good sense of where the characters' relationship is.
We don't know why there's a "space between [them]". Maybe it's because they're the same sexuality, or culture, or sense of style. But one thing is clear: people judge them because they love each other.
The poem is sad, but the lyrical is beautiful.
Thank you so much!