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Hey! I'm really sorry it took so long for me to get to this...
) I like the idea, and it makes sense. I don't really have any advice on how to make it better, but I'll just say that I think it's good.

Good luck, and keep writing! See you around!
I'd just like to say first, however, that I never really review poetry. I'll give it a shot, but it won't be very good because I don't know anything about poetry. Never really been able to write or understand it.
In my opinion this was good, though. (Might not mean much...
If you want a second opinion though, maybe drop off a request at Rydia's thread: viewtopic.php?f=188&t=26898 You should be in good hands with her, and I know that she's probably looking for more stuff to review since it's that time of the month - the June Review event! Hopefully she'll be able to help you out as well!
Anyways, sorry again that it took so long. I know this isn't the best review, but it's the best I can do for poetry...
~ Patricia Tina