This poem is based on the most heroic action I've ever witnessed in my entire life. As it occurred, I knew it was destined to become the greatest ballad of all time. (Or, the greatest ballad that I could ever possibly write.)
We observe the soft surface
of the thunder-gray lake,
Serene as the face of the moon.
Silent; all for the waves the wind doth make.
But it is here that our brutal, bloody battle shall break.
If you possess a brave heart,
Take a gander at the goose dubbed Gary!
We asked him to rate the pros of combat,
And with a mighty honk, he screeched “VERY!”
As vicious as a killer whale, rad as a canary.
Look, across the lake, ashore,
A second, more fearsome dame,
With wings that span many miles,
“Goosandra” is her noble given name,
But “Shredder” you would know her by, the one that’s won her fame.
The two, with their beady eyes,
Have for scores been mortal foes,
And now, they sail towards each other
An oddly gratuitous show;
Single-minded focus on a violent warzones throe.
Their meeting is a fearless dance
Of beak, blood, feather, slaughter.
Gary and Shredder shriek their battle cries,
Their beating wings disturb the water.
In this senseless, endless battle, neither is the martyr.
I avert my eyes, frightened,
Unmoving feet fixed and unsure
Thinking, acting, far too late
As their brutal battle wages ashore.
And I say in horror, that I am “Surely nevermore!”
But lo; a gentle hand on my shoulder
And forth leaps a hero onto shore,
She steps between the geese,
Spreads her arms wide, shouting “no more!”
The geese startle back, and waddle, waffle-ly unsure.
Fixing them with the fiercest glare
By far the fiercest today
Tired, annoyed, a mother failed yells,
And the gander Gary cowers away,
And Shredder, silently, slips from the fray.
And quiet, at last, returns.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
The perfect poem for this Golden Goose Summer.
Wow, this was incredible. Geese. YES! As someone who grew up in Canada with an area heavily inhabited by Canadian geese, I fully understand that geese war is no joke. Let's get right into reviewing this masterpiece!
We start with a silent and calm scene, which will soon become the ground of a 'bloody battle'. I love the descriptions you used in this first stanza to really describe the scene and build up this image in our heads. This will make whatever is about to come so much greater.
We meet Gary and Goosandra (aka Shredder). Your give details about each vicious creature in this scene. We hear Gary shriek and learn that Shredder is infamous (probably for being a vicious killer of a goose).
I LOVE THIS so much XD I love how you phrase that sentence 'of beak, blood, feather, slaughter'. We are taking a scene that many would see as not serious, but we are seeing it in a 100 percent serious lens. It gives that feeling of almost being comedic, but at the same time, as someone who has witnessed these events before, it is NO joke. At the end of this poem, the fight is broken up by another hero mother goose, which is probably the Golden Goose. Quiet returns and there is once again peace in the land (for now...)!!!!
Overall, this made me laugh and smile. Vey well written. I love your organized formatting and vivid descriptions. Beautiful! Keep on writing!!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hey there. The title caught my eye. The poem did not disappoint.
So, a little bit of context: I may or may not have an entire, serious, and just as violent short story that I wrote at the end of last year about the origin of the phrase "silly goose" and I think that this is its long-lost cousin or something akin to that. It made me laugh quite a lot.
First of all, I'm a huge fan of the puns. Also, Gary and Goosandra are perfect names, and I live with a pond behind me filled with geese so I could literally imagine this all going down right outside my balcony. All-in-all it just all seems made for me.
As far as a real review goes, I think you have some great imagery. I particularly liked your introduction of Shredder with the over-the-top descriptors. I also love ballads and think you captured the essence of one here. I imagine this being read as a bedtime story, or at a full pub, and I think that nails the vibe of a ballad.
There are a few lines where it feels like the rhyming and timing are getting pulled past their limits: this is especially seen in some of the ending lines in the second-half stanzas. Specifically, the one about Shredder winning her fame, and the line "surely nevermore" which I just didn't get what that meant.
But overall I think you nailed exactly what you were going for with this, and I would happily see more of this type of literature in my life.
Quack on,
~Messy
i love this so much XDD the way geese rhymes with peace is just perfect, and all the imagery in this... omg. it must have been an epic battle indeed =P
Thank you! It was an epic battle, indeed; I can only hope I captured a modicum of its magnitude in this piece.
(Horisun, I want you to know you can absolutely post this into the "Chicken Genre" if you like - it is worthy!) <333 Lovely ballad!
Haha, I was wondering! Thank you, I'm beyond honored <3
Wow I would say this ballad is amazing.
I love the way how you described each and every thing using different adjectives.
"Spreads her arms wide, shouting 'no more!' "
This line is so touching and lovely.
But I would like to suggest something, if you would write more poems instead of ballads people will love it more and more.
I think you should write more and more ballads,poems,stories, etc. you have a great talent.
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
I 'liked' this before even reading it and was not disappointed