• Home

Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

War And Geese

by Horisun

This poem is based on the most heroic action I've ever witnessed in my entire life. As it occurred, I knew it was destined to become the greatest ballad of all time. (Or, the greatest ballad that I could ever possibly write.)

We observe the soft surface
of the thunder-gray lake,
Serene as the face of the moon.
Silent; all for the waves the wind doth make.
But it is here that our brutal, bloody battle shall break.

If you possess a brave heart,
Take a gander at the goose dubbed Gary!
We asked him to rate the pros of combat,
And with a mighty honk, he screeched “VERY!”
As vicious as a killer whale, rad as a canary.

Look, across the lake, ashore,
A second, more fearsome dame,
With wings that span many miles,
“Goosandra” is her noble given name,
But “Shredder” you would know her by, the one that’s won her fame.

The two, with their beady eyes,
Have for scores been mortal foes,
And now, they sail towards each other
An oddly gratuitous show;
Single-minded focus on a violent warzones throe.

Their meeting is a fearless dance
Of beak, blood, feather, slaughter.
Gary and Shredder shriek their battle cries,
Their beating wings disturb the water.
In this senseless, endless battle, neither is the martyr.

I avert my eyes, frightened,
Unmoving feet fixed and unsure
Thinking, acting, far too late
As their brutal battle wages ashore.
And I say in horror, that I am “Surely nevermore!”

But lo; a gentle hand on my shoulder
And forth leaps a hero onto shore,
She steps between the geese,
Spreads her arms wide, shouting “no more!”
The geese startle back, and waddle, waffle-ly unsure.

Fixing them with the fiercest glare
By far the fiercest today
Tired, annoyed, a mother failed yells,
And the gander Gary cowers away,
And Shredder, silently, slips from the fray.

And quiet, at last, returns.

Is this a review?



User avatar
667 Reviews

Points: 11727
Reviews: 667

Tue Apr 30, 2024 9:40 pm
View Likes
Messenger wrote a review...

Hey there. The title caught my eye. The poem did not disappoint.

So, a little bit of context: I may or may not have an entire, serious, and just as violent short story that I wrote at the end of last year about the origin of the phrase "silly goose" and I think that this is its long-lost cousin or something akin to that. It made me laugh quite a lot.

First of all, I'm a huge fan of the puns. Also, Gary and Goosandra are perfect names, and I live with a pond behind me filled with geese so I could literally imagine this all going down right outside my balcony. All-in-all it just all seems made for me.

As far as a real review goes, I think you have some great imagery. I particularly liked your introduction of Shredder with the over-the-top descriptors. I also love ballads and think you captured the essence of one here. I imagine this being read as a bedtime story, or at a full pub, and I think that nails the vibe of a ballad.
There are a few lines where it feels like the rhyming and timing are getting pulled past their limits: this is especially seen in some of the ending lines in the second-half stanzas. Specifically, the one about Shredder winning her fame, and the line "surely nevermore" which I just didn't get what that meant.
But overall I think you nailed exactly what you were going for with this, and I would happily see more of this type of literature in my life.

Quack on,

User avatar
245 Reviews

Points: 22538
Reviews: 245

Wed Apr 10, 2024 6:17 am
View Likes
Spearmint says...

i love this so much XDD the way geese rhymes with peace is just perfect, and all the imagery in this... omg. it must have been an epic battle indeed =P

Horisun says...

Thank you! It was an epic battle, indeed; I can only hope I captured a modicum of its magnitude in this piece.

User avatar
1228 Reviews

Points: 144000
Reviews: 1228

Tue Apr 09, 2024 9:08 pm
View Likes
alliyah says...

(Horisun, I want you to know you can absolutely post this into the "Chicken Genre" if you like - it is worthy!) <333 Lovely ballad!

Horisun says...

Haha, I was wondering! Thank you, I'm beyond honored <3

User avatar
26 Reviews

Points: 780
Reviews: 26

Mon Apr 08, 2024 2:42 pm
View Likes
KaavyaK says...

Wow I would say this ballad is amazing.
I love the way how you described each and every thing using different adjectives.

"Spreads her arms wide, shouting 'no more!' "
This line is so touching and lovely.

But I would like to suggest something, if you would write more poems instead of ballads people will love it more and more.
I think you should write more and more ballads,poems,stories, etc. you have a great talent.

Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.

User avatar
1488 Reviews

Points: 154686
Reviews: 1488

Mon Apr 08, 2024 8:32 am
View Likes
IcyFlame says...

I 'liked' this before even reading it and was not disappointed

The secret of being tiresome is to tell everything.
— Voltaire