Has the Goddess of Love gouged both your eyes?
Did she make you a monster I can’t recognize?
Did she bend and break and build you anew?
Because even Pasiphae knew better than you.
I loved you once, and it was justly earned,
I thought I’d burn whole cities to see it returned.
But you have set more than buildings ablaze.
Do I see a girl’s effigy, there in the haze?
You hate how the ground’s now covered in scars,
And are startled to learn smoke has blotted out stars.
Just as you fear there is nowhere to hide,
The bull has leapt from his heifer to be at your side.
I see now that this once, Love’s hands are clean.
It's not that fickle Goddess who's changed you,
But her hungry sister, Shame.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
I really enjoy your use of rhythm in this piece. It makes for a flowing structure, and the length of each line allows the use of an AABB rhyme scheme without seeming repetitive. I really like the references to Greek mythology in the first verse. I also like the general feeling of disbelief that is conveyed in the first verse, the general assumption that somebody else must have made the subject of the poem cheat. I also love the direct comparison to what you would have done to keep you love versus what he did to lose it in the second verse. It creates a very cool contrast which I really enjoy. In the third verse, you show the subject's astonishment at the repercussions of their actions, giving examples that continue with the burnt city metaphor. The last line circles back the the initial verse and the disbelief contained within it. Originally, you blamed Aphrodite, but, seeing the subject's assumption that what they did would have no consequences, you know that her hand's are clean. I really love this poem. It circles back very effectively, and the continuation is very good.
As an avid fan of Greek mythology, I loved the reference to Pasiphae. It really showed how much this person messed up if they're somehow doing worse than a woman who fell in love with a bull and birthed the Minotaur in the process (compelled by Poseidon, but it happened nonetheless). I wonder if what you meant by the last line is that this person never loved the narrator and therefore, the reason for the city's destruction is not Love? Maybe this person lacks the capability to love and that's why there's a girl's effigy in the haze; their carelessness resulted in the loss of a naïve life. I wonder what this person or perhaps their parents may have done to anger Aphrodite to the degree that she did not allow them to feel love... Anyways, I loved reading this poem and I hope to see more of your writing, Horisun!
the pure spite and insults in this piece xD
I love it!