(Wrote this for my creative writing class, to add context for the line "A grade to receive)
I dare not compare her eyes to spring leaves,
Nor her shine to a drab, uncaring sea.
She’s not the chilly moon, or the soft breeze.
With ease, she exceeds all my similes.
But, with a fire burning at my feet,
A need to try, and a grade to receive,
This student poet must blather and bleat,
And proclaim her subject good as cheese.
As brie-lliant as the bestest of brie,
And feta-tastic as finest feta,
She is as sweet as that golden colby
That makes my heart crumble like cheddar cheese.
Her broad smile is cheesier than cheese,
Her eyes are far softer than lovely cheese,
Her jokes cheesier than cheesiest cheese,
Though not as cheeky as these ones by me,
She is as holy as savory swiss,
Ricotta’s not as lovely as she is,
To my end of days, I shall insist,
She is good as gouda; that and cheese sticks.
So now when you read cheesy poetry,
Trite and cliche as can possibly be,
Bear in mind that cheesy really means “grate.”
So no poetry’s as cheesy as she.
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This is so sweet. I enjoy the use of cheeses. It makes me smile and the cheese puns are hilarious. This is a wonderful poem. It is funny and sweet all at the same time, the perfect combination in life. Keep doing what you are doing!
This is an excellent poem, in a sense. Self-aware of it's cheesiness and the horrors it presents to the lactose intolerant, a truly revolutionary piece in the movement of cheese poetry. I particularly enjoyed the cheese puns, which are truly brie-lliant. I do hope that the subject of this poem hasn't seen it, however. It isn't particularly flattering to be compared to cheese.
En contraire, there is nothing more flattering than to be compared to cheese! That said, I'm very... grate-ful, for your review
Puns really have a way of putting a smile on your face no matter how ... they are. I have to say I really enjoyed reading this and it put a smile on my face, if that was your aim then you wholeheartedly succeeded.
But at least for me the fourth paragraph falls flat in comparison to the others. It could 100 percent be the intention for that paragraph to drag the poem even more into that absurd funny zone it falls into but for my tastes it's a bit much. It is hard for me write that, you know, you rhymed cheese with cheese with cheese. Because obviously it was intentional. I guess I just want to say it didn't quite hit for me but I would love to hear other peoples thoughts on that part, as I can see how it damm well could be someone elses favorite paragraph.
In contrast I want to talk about my favorite two paragraphs five and six. I really think they are great capstone to put that aforementioned smile on your face.
I really like how the first two lines flow. Although I can only read read them in an exaggerated English accent. I also really like the wordplay in the last two lines. Reading them for the first time I didn't quite get it so I had to go back and spell it out phonetically in my head, allowing me to get that AHA! moment and then a rather silly grin.
I also feel like the flow of the rhymes into each other could be smoother at points. Which can be achieved with minimal alterations to the poem for example in paragraph three you rhyme feta with cheddar cheese. You could remove the cheese part from cheddar cheese to rhyme feta with chedda(r). Which would in my subjective opinion make the poem flow better.
Then again you did mention this was for a creative writing class so you might have had limitations on word count, line length or a minimum amount of the word cheese you have to include. With or without limitation, I think it is impressive how you turned a cheese and love story into such a funny poem and I did really enjoy reading and reviewing it.
Thank you for the review! Wholeheartedly agree with your take on the fourth paragraph. Last stanza I wrote and definitely the laziest. As much as I enjoy writing poetry on my own time, this remains a school assignment and one I did not really want to be doing, lol. I wrote a five stanza poem I was very much happy with, then realized I was required to write six stanzas and kinda spitefully threw the "cheese" one in.
Thanks again for the review! And also, welcome to the site!