I meant to bake chocolate chip cookies today,
My way of saying, "Hey, sorry, can we try this again?"
But I woke up late, so all I had to show for it
Was myself. In all her bent-up, obtuse glory.
I wonder if the sweetness I'd have offered
Would have offset the bitterness of our words.
What could've the world have looked like,
If instead of glares, we shared baked goods?
Rather, that cavernous rift between us yawns,
The kind, I know, an imagined dessert could never close.
But still, I wouldn't have turned my nose up at
Something sweet to soothe the ache, of watching you walk away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Hey friend! This was a very lovely poem, and I enjoyed reading it. I thought I would stop by and leave you a review! Let's jump right into it:
My interpretation of this poem, is that you might've had a disagreement with someone, which caused your relationship to be strained. You want to make chocolate chip cookies for them as a way to bridge the scab that has formed between you. It seems that you woke up late though, so you didn't have time to make the cookies. So you're wondering that if you had made them, perhaps they would've helped prevent more disagreement that occurred. I love the third verse. It seems a less more of a reflection of what could've been and focuses on what actually happened.
I love how these chocolate chip cookies could symbolize so much in life. Whether they are a physical gift that you were bringing to someone, or something else. Perhaps, these cookies could symbolize making a change in yourself. Making the decision to be humble or acknowledge, that someone else is right or that you were wrong. Willing to agree to disagree. Being more gentle, or caring, or affectionate, or confessing something you did that was wrong. Really, they could symbolize so much. But what I love is how it takes time to make them. Because you woke up late, you weren't able to make them, and so you continue to reflect on how you wish that you had them. Maybe we need to put in the effort in time and wake up early and work on ourselves in order to change. I love the message of this so much. The poem was simple, not over complicated, but you use such elegant language that it felt magical to r I love your writing style so much, it's organized, but you also use these slight comedic elements to bring us joy as we read. Fantastic work with us! I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Your friend,
Ellie
Don't know how to properly review this, but I'm sure gonna try! (Disclaimer: I don't know how to do the quote thingy yet)
I think the points in this are so valid, it's crazy. Definitely makes me wonder what the world would be if we used baked treats instead of glares or aggression. In this short, presumably humorous paragraph or two you've managed to make me rethink how the world works and I applaud you for that. It's also worth mentioning how this has a darker undertone to it, one that I can't quite place my finger on. But one that nonetheless makes it that much more fun to read.
"Something sweet to sooth the ache of watching you walk away" was probably one of the most poetic parts in my opinion, and it made me stop to think about life for a second. Every word you've written can be taken into so much consideration and have so many ways to be interpreted (An English teachers dream, honestly)
Anyways, 10/10, amazing work! (PS. sorry about the two comments)
Thanks so much for the review! And no problem with the two comments; the site sometimes glitches a little and double posts (this usually happens when you refresh the page right before posting a reply. Happens all the time!)
Woah
Hiiii.
This really isn't very descriptive. How are you glorious? All these adjectives that you are throwing out tell you vaguely what is happening, but they don't really show us anything. I almost think you need a stanza in between these ideas to describe the friendship and give us an inside of who you are and who your friend is, if that makes sense.
There are too many filler words in here, like "rather", "i realize" "but still" and so on. I am first a novelist, and novels generally have a little more filler words than poetry. But even I, as a novelist, would twitch if I used as much filler words for a paragraph as you did for this stanza. Try to trim it and fill it with something else to make your ending standing a little more punchy and meaningful...
"Though cookies couldn't fill the yawning cavernous rift between us"
"Cookies cannot stretch to bridge the cavernous rift between us"
I dunno. It needs something more instead of the filler words that it has right now... play with it!
Hope this helps!
Thank you so much! I definitely agree with my use of filler words in the final stanza. There was something clunky about it that I couldn't put my finger on, and I'm glad that you pointed it out.
Ysy! I'm glad it helped. Also, it occurs to me that instead of saying cavernous rift, you can say chasm and it would be even more powerful imagery...
This is so creative and such a realistic way(in a sense) of describing and imagining these situations which many of us face at least once in our lives! I love how it keeps hinting on how the conversation might improve but never does because of a simple decision to not or to forget to make cookies. It’s really ironic how this happens in real life and sometimes we are hurt and stabbed through the heart for the more unreasonable reasons and expectations. It also portrays a bit of self hatred when you wrote:
‘ In all her bent-up, obnoxious glory.’
This shows the person in a new light as maybe they have caused a misunderstanding or they are too nervous and filled with self-doubt that they caused the other person to be hurt too? There are so many interpretations and meanings and this beautiful piece and I’m here for it.
-Coffee
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Hello! I'm Aaliyah Laurier, a fellow writer, and I can't wait to review this poem for you.
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
(CONTENT - It seems like some sort of friendship or relationship has been tainted and the narrator is using chocolate chip cookies as a metaphor for making things better. I wonder if the narrator is at fault for whatever happened.)
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
(CONTENT - Honestly, I don't see much that needs to be improved. I think this is perfect the way it is, but never hesitate to add detail or revise to your liking. I do it all the time.)
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
(CONTENT - I love the way that this started. My favorite lines are:
I wonder if the sweetness I'd have offered
Would have offset the bitterness of our words.
But still, I wouldn't have turned my nose up at
Something sweet to soothe the ache, of watching you walk away.
so so cute and creative.)
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
(This was a beautiful read and so so cute. Keep up the good work. I hope to read more from you. Always with love, Aaliyah Laurier)
Thank you for the review!
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Hello! I’m thebroken and I’m here to review your poem! (It’s my first review so don’t attack me if it’s horrible.)
So, the first stanza started off the work with something like this. “I” wanted to bake cookies to try and mend a relationship with a friend maybe because of an argument or fight, but couldn’t because he/she woke up late, so she/he could only confront the “friend” with empty hands. But sadly the meeting didn’t go well so they parted ways, “I” realizing that though cookies probably wouldn’t change the friend’s mind, they would’ve comforted him/her much.
I’m guessing that this poem is something like, not all friendships can be mended with a simple sweet, making it very realistic because sometimes not everything goes to plan in life like how “I” overslept, and how they realized that their bond was already broken to the point that it cannot be fixed with gifts so it was inevitable. Or maybe I’m just over thinking things. ;D
I like how it was very straightforward in the first two lines, it’s the “my way of saying” part that caught my eye at the start. but my favorite is the second stanza. It’s very creative, the sweetness and then contrast the bitterness. Then instead of sharing glares we shared baked goods, it’s smart in a good poem way.
Closing Thoughts
Overall I think it’s a sweet creative poem that talks about a humorous but kind of sad story about two friends and one that wanted to repair their relationship with a dessert.
Take care! Remember to take a break once in a while! (Also point me out if I’m wrong, I’d be happy to improve my reviewing skills too!)
-thebroken
Hi! Thank you so much for the review! Was there anything about this poem you thought I could improve upon?
Idk, because I don%u2019t read poetry that often because I%u2019m new ig, but maybe just stick with one tone for this poem because I feel like there is sad and regret but also humor. %u201CBaked goods?%u201D And then fourth line. maybe because %u201CI%u201D is hurting so they want to add some humor so to stop it from hurting so bad like distraction. Or I%u2019m over thinking, and it%u2019s just a funny poem about two friends separating and cookies. But perhaps stick with one tone or don%u2019t make the other so obvious so I don%u2019t get confused, because it feels like it keeps on switching, but otherwise still a great poem! Keep at it!
Um idk why my reply sent it like that, but I%u2019m too lazy to rewrite it so please attempt to read it if ya want to