The Prophecy Revealed Chapter 1

by Honora

Published February 19, 2019

12+

In The Prophecy Revealed Book 1

PreviousNext

Chapter 1

The morning light filtered its way through the window, spreading its purple rays over Evrial’s straw bed. She opened her heavy eyes and quickly shut them again as they adjusted to the new light shining into them. Morning has come, she smiled faintly and yawned, trying not to think about the work that the new day brought with it. She groaned as she swung herself out over the edge of her bed and gasped when her bare feet touched the cold, stone floor. Scolding herself for being so careless as to let the fire go out, she stoked at the coal, hoping that some hot embers would show themselves. Seeing that there was none, she started it up again with more difficulty but was grateful for the warmth that licked at her skin as she worked.

Winter was almost over. All of the snow on the ground had melted but that winter chill still nipped at her body. Evrial hated winter and couldn't wait for spring to finally show itself. Winter brought on extra work to keep warm and gave the noble ladies something extra to complain about. If only they knew the work that is involved with this season, then they would really have something to complain about. A smile tugged at her lips as she imagined Lady Castel in the kitchen.

"What are you smirking' about this early in the morning?" A soft yet deep voice sounded from behind her, "You're usually all frowns at this time.” Evrial shook her head slightly, turning towards the young man now standing beside her. She shifted, slightly uncomfortable as she realized she wasn't dressed and was still in her white nightgown but when Cowan's grinning face came into view, she relaxed a little. Usually she would worry that Havana, the head servant, would walk in but she had woken up so early that she had the pleasure of relaxing with him.

He was already in his black uniform with his sword at his hip, which she briefly glanced at. The snake carved pommel sent a shiver down her spine as it usually did when she laid eyes on it but she passed it off, not wanting to ruin the morning. She didn't bother with a formal "curtsy" greeting and ignored his question, "You're up early, Cowan.” He shook his head humorously and quietly laughed which she returned with a smile. She crossed the small distance between them and he welcomed her embrace with open arms and a twinkle in his eye. She held her breath involuntarily as he stroked her long, black hair and rested her head on his broad shoulder. It had been too long since she felt his arms wrapped around her waist. Too long since she felt his strong chest beneath her head. Too long since...as if reading her mind, he lifted her chin up with his knuckle and she reached up on the tips of her toes to meet his lips.

She reluctantly pulled away from him in attempt to hide the blush that had creeped on her face and crossed the room to her window. She gazed out at the beautiful sunrise and tried to steady her heartbeat as he drew near her again. They watched in silence as the horizon turned from deep purple to the vibrant pinks and oranges it was now. She didn't want the sun to rise anymore, for she knew that Cowan had to leave as soon as it did. Usually, she wouldn't mind the day going by so quickly, but Cowan finally had the time to spend with her and she didn't want to put an end to it.

Cowan wrapped his arm around her waist protectively and placed his lips near her ear, "I have to go," she lowered her gaze to the floor and against her will, her shoulders sagged slightly, "but...I will try to see you more often. Are you serving at the ball later this week?"

She nodded, "Yes, I am and no, we cannot leave. You are the Captain of the Guard's second in command and will be missed. It's your first ball to plan safely and I would prefer it if I wasn't responsible if something goes wrong and you’re not there. Cowan," her voice softened as his name tumbled from her lips. She forced a smile on her face and turned towards him, "it's fine. You have responsibilities just as I do, and I know that they are overwhelming at times but it will not get in the way of this. You don't have to try and make me feel loved because I know I am. I understand that you are busy.” He smiled and she felt her own lips curl up as she saw his mottled green-gold eyes shimmering with gratitude.

She didn't want to and every muscle protested and screamed at her to stay in his arms but she moved away from him, "You should get going. Even though our tasks won't get in the way, I'm sure that if someone caught you skulking about," she clicked her tongue and smirked, trying to lighten the mood, "that would be the end of both of us."

Cowan smiled playfully but before he left the room, he paused by the door as a more serious expression found its way on his strong face, "Thank you Evrial, for understanding." She nodded and watched his masculine figure disappear through the small wooden door. She sighed deeply and looked around her chambers. It wasn't made up of much. Only a straw bed that mercifully had a warm blanket, a nightstand beside it, and a small washing chamber. The closet against the wall was only big enough to fit her work dress and a becoming gown that she hardly ever wore. Looking around her room, her heart filled with despair as she started washing her face with the cloth in the wash basin. The cold water stung her face as she scrubbed at it but it was time to face the day...and reality.

After a few moments of refreshing her sleepy features, she left her room humming a tune that she had heard the night before. The musician that had played during King Isaac's dinner sang old songs of legend. She had even dared to sing a song about the magic that had roamed over the lands before the King's sudden banishing of it. The song was once popular before he had banished anything to do with magic and she vaguely remembered the lyrics. Evrial had held her breath the whole song and was relieved when the King didn't have her hanged instantly or dragged down away from the stage. The music had enchanted her and she couldn't explain the feeling that had stirred in her last night. It felt like a memory yet so much more distant than those of when she was a child. It felt so strangely familiar yet so foreign. She tried to dismiss it as her imagination but whenever she put any thought into it, that same feeling crept back into her mind.

Evrial slipped into the empty kitchen and busied herself making a fresh loaf of bread. She added more water into the dough until it felt sticky enough to make a good loaf. After kneading it and putting it over the enclosed fire, she busied herself doing the few dishes she had made while waiting for it to be ready. It still wasn't ready so she kept cleaning the kitchen and making other breakfast foods. The room had slowly filled with other kitchen staff but no one seemed to notice that she had been there first. Typical of Havana to notice when I am a minute late but not when I am a whole half hour early. She shook her head as the head servant walked in the kitchen to oversee what was happening, giving off such airs as if she were someone of importance. Someone needed to make her realize that in the end, to the King, she was just another servant.

Even with the old witch watching their every move, Evrial felt relatively happy. Whether or not it had anything to do with Cowan's visit that morning, she couldn't decide. Whenever she spent time with him her feelings jerked and twisted in so many different directions; happiness because he was with her, sadness because she couldn't see a possible future without arousing trouble for his career. Who would care about who she married but for the Captain's second-in-command? They set such standards that he was required to fill and she would feel horrible if he lost everything, all because she had bumped into him with a tray of dishes.

Havana's reeking breath was on her neck before she realized that she was staring into oblivion, "Miss Evrial," the head servant spoke with such a tone that would appear sweet to anyone, except to those who knew the deadly meaning behind it, "I would suggest that you get a move on with your chores. There's a whole new stack of dishes just screaming your name. We wouldn't want to disappoint them.” She pointed her wrinkled finger towards the heaping pile of dishes that had accumulated over the past hour. Evrial wanted to yell at her and show her all the things she had done already but like a "humble" servant, she held her tongue. One minute, just one minute alone with you and you would be dead...

She started at the pile of dishes even though she had hoped to escape the chore and go up to serve breakfast so that she could see Cowan sitting at the assigned table for the guards. Perhaps this was fate telling her that something truly horrible would happen if she went up, for example, maybe their relationship would be discovered. She sighed and plunged her hands into the steaming water to wash the dishes. She was grateful for the silence, everyone had gone up except Mr. Cander. He had been like a father to her ever since she was sent to the castle as a servant. He always treated her as an equal but never once hesitated to reprimand her if necessary. He soothed her when she was hurt or sad and watched over her when she came down with whatever sickness flew around in the air. She owed her life to him and couldn't imagine what the castle would have been like without him. She was grateful for his company for all those lonely years and he had definitely earned her utmost respect, which was something the old hag, Havana would never have from her.

Mr. Cander walked over silently about half way through the giant stack and started drying the dishes with a towel. He smiled sweetly before saying with a hint of curiosity in his raspy voice, "It's alright there, Evrial. You'll see your young man soon enough.” The breath in her throat caught and she gaped at the old man in surprise. Before she could query how in the high heavens he knew anything about it, Mr. Cander just simply assured her, "Oh don't you worry. It’s only obvious to me. I’ve known you far too long for you to keep any secrets from me. Not to mention, I've had a good look at many young couples in my fifty-eight years and I know one when I see one."

Evrial stayed silent, thoroughly humiliated that he found out without her telling him. She wondered if he was mad about that fact but decided not to ask.They continued doing dishes in silence for a few minutes before Mr. Cander stated, "You're wondering how I know, aren't you?" Evrial nodded her head, feeling the heat on her cheeks increase but the man continued with a smile on his aging face, "Well, every once in a while, you’re extra chirpy and it always happens to be when I’ve seen that guard boy walking atound these halls. At first I dismissed it but then it happened all too often. I also walked by your rooms this morning. Heard a voice and recognized it as that young lieutenant. I didn't want to pry so I kept on walking but...well, what I know can't be unknown to me.” She didn't say a word as Mr. Cander continued, "He's a good catch and very much worthy of yourself, Evrial. That's something because even the Crowned Prince doesn't deserve your attention, but a word of advice, be a little more careful. You two were lucky that it was only me walking by and not Havana. You both I'm sure, would have had an earful of that nonsense about rules and such.”

Evrial cleared her throat and turned towards him. Even though she meant to ask casually, a small voice, no more than a whisper begged, "Meaning, you won't tell on me?" Servants started streaming back into the kitchen as Mr. Cander put a reassuring hand on her slim shoulder and shook his head. Even though she never truly thought he would tattle, a wave of relief washed through her and they went back to working in silence.

Once they were finally finished the dishes and most of the servants had come back, Havana stood at the top railing again and shouted out far too loudly to the servants below, "The King and Queen have decided that it is about time to give new attire for those here below. They want your measurements within the hour or you will not get one.” Bursts of excited chatter could be heard as everyone bustled about. They all paired up with one another to measure each other.

"Evrial! Evrial!" Rachel, a young servant girl pushed her way through the crowd until she reached her, "Do you have someone to measure yet?" When Evrial shook her head, the girl didn't give her a choice. Rachel took her by the arm and dragged her off to her room.

Rachel's room wasn't any different than her own. Very simple and plain but had everything she would need. Maybe not everything she wanted but needed, yes. The only thing Rachel had that she did not was a small basket of needles and yarn beside a rocking chair. She went directly for it and started scrounging around until she pulled out a measuring string. They measured each other and wrote them down on the single piece of paper that they could afford to spare. As they kept busy, they talked about the coming ball, what their new dresses might look like and everything else that didn't matter.

Evrial glanced down at the brown dress she wore. It was old and faded and torn but she would miss it. It was too big for her which made it look odd at the sides but she loved the space it provided. She knew that her new dress would fit her perfectly and she hoped that she would be able to move freely in it. She's seen the noble ladies in corsets so tight that she often wondered how they danced in them, let alone breathe.

With their measurements done, Evrial offered to bring the girl's as well. Rachel accepted her offer with thanks and stayed in her room as she left. She went down long hallways and up the winding steps to get to the castle's seamstress, hoping she would, by chance, pass Cowan on her way but was disappointed as she came to the shop without a trace of him. She left their measurements with the bubbly woman and went back down to her room. It had been a full morning and it would all start over again in half an hour for lunch. She used those few moments to catch some of the sleep that she had lost in the early hours with her guard.

*******

Cowan stopped just outside Princess Viera's quarters, debating whether or not he should forget his foolish idea. The guards outside her room greeted him and offered to tell the princess that he was there but he declined. He knocked at the door and only let himself in when he heard a soft voice from within, telling him to enter. He bowed towards the Princess's stunning figure and a shrill voice met his ears, "Cowan! What brings you here!?" Her elegant body was wrapped in a warm, dark green dress. Its furred collar hung loosely at her side, the rich orange of the fox pelt contrasted beautifully against the green gown. Her light brown hair was not yet tied up by the servants, which left it cascading down her back. If he didn't know her better, he would have thought she was an angel with the bright sun shining in behind her but her lovely appearance didn't fool him.

"I am sorry. Should I go?"

She shook her head and a mischievous grin found its way onto her face, "No, I was only teasing you, you fool. Really, it passes the time wonderfully, you should try it sometime!" She waved him in further and he tried his best to hide the flush that he felt, thanks to her comment.

She elegantly walked to the room beyond her massive four-post bed and he strode in close behind. Her chambers alone could house a small family with ease. It amazed him as he gazed around the room, taking in every detail. He had only been there three or four times before and the overwhelming size always surprised him. All of this for one girl. He scoffed quietly and followed her to the end of the sitting room. Evrial's room was only twice the size of Viera's bed. Ma always said that the humble ones were the best option, no matter what their position in life is.

She waited until they were both seated in front of the fire comfortably before asking, "What is it that brings you here?" He hadn't told anyone about Evrial and himself but Viera, and he avoided talking to her about it as much as possible, but he needed advice and quite badly.

"Viera, I need to do something special for Evrial. I have given her flowers, chocolates, and that necklace that you suggested but I feel like I need to do something special. You know how oblivious I can be to a lady's needs and you'll have more of an idea than me about this romantic...ness," his voice trailed off as he shrugged his broad shoulders and waited for an answer to his silent question.

Viera smiled at him with a twinkle of amusement in her eye as she replied, "Well, I do know firsthand how oblivious you are and truly, I feel like she'll need to get used to it if she wants a future with you. I'll help you but if you really want to please her, spend time with her. She's alone in the castle with no family so company must be appreciated.” The growing despair in his eyes made her stop her lecture so she got back on track, "What about a gown? As a servant she wouldn't have much to wear. The only thing is, is that you'll have to give her a reason to wear it as well."

Cowan shook his head lightly, "That's a grand idea but how will I ever get her measurements? Even if I managed that somehow, how could I get into the seamstress' shop without raising suspicions?"

"You have so little faith in me! I daresay, I am disappointed..." she grinned and rolled her eyes as he failed to see her point, "You could ask very nicely and I could see it done. Father has asked for the kitchen staffs' measurement for new attire and I'm sure I could hasten the process."

He slipped out of his chair and dropped to one knee with a grin on his face and took her delicate hand in his, "I never had any doubt that you'd figure something out, I was merely pointing out some concerns I had for your idea, is all."

She rolled her eyes as he stood to leave, "You owe me, Cowan! Nothing I do is for free," she paused seeing his protest and quickly added, "Everything I have done in the past is being saved for one huge favor.”

He glared at her and retorted, "And here I thought we were friends. Shame on me.” He shook his head and left her "small house" feeling relieved that she was able to come up with something. Some of the guards eyed his foolish grin suspiciously and he ignored their side glances, but he had to admit that to anyone but himself, it would have looked slightly strange seeing him so happy at the time of day it was. As much as he teased Evrial about being all frowns, he wasn't any better himself. He couldn't wait until Evrial saw whatever gown Viera had planned for her. Slight correction...he couldn't wait to see her in it.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
OofOof1
Review
OofOof1 wrote a review Review · Feb 24, 2019

The story flows together really nicely, and I like that about chapters. Also the romance doesn't seem too overpowering and used, and I like that too.

But for a first chapter, I don't think much characters were introduced enough. And I wanted a bit more to know about the main character, because the main characters are so amazing, plus the keep the story up and running.

It would be great if Side characters were more developed and introduced more.

Honestly oh, I had no problems with dialogue or anyting. Your dialogue for the characters was well-written so good job on that.

Your story is so amazing, I think it's time I introduce you to my big word that means super super awesome and amazing.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...

As I said oh, I mean super super awesome and amazing. Anyway bye for now.

Honora replied · Feb 24, 2019

Thank you OofOof1! I will definitely edit that...especially since alliyah said that too! Thank you again! :)

User avatar
alliyah
Review
alliyah wrote a review Review · Feb 24, 2019

Hey there, I thought I'd check out your first chapter here,

The story flows together really nicely so far - there's some intriguing conflict in all the relationship dynamics for sure too. The romance aspects also didn't seem too overdone but served purpose moving the plot along too which was appreciated.

I think for a first chapter there wasn't a lot as far as character introductions go - which is preferable to throwing an info dump right at the front, but I felt I wanted to know a bit more about the main characters' personalities I suppose.

The Princess/Cowan section I felt to be a little less interesting than the first section, maybe because it was harder to pin down what exactly the discomfort or conflict in their dynamic was - it was cute, but I didn't necessarily see what it was leading to.

It'll be interesting to see if the side-characters develop much more, because so far it didn't feel like we had much introduction to anyone apart from the first narrator. YWS has a nice article on developing character development if you need any ideas for that, I've found this one particularly helpful.

I actually didn't have an issue with the dialogue - and thought generally it did sound charactery and natural - I didn't pause and think "oh this is dialogue now" it just flowed with the story. You don't have to change up the dialogue tags up quite as much though - there was a lot of extra "his voice trailed" or "he retorted" when a "he said" would have served just fine - it's okay to put the extra dialogue tags once in a while, but save them for more bold moments I think, so that it doesn't get wordy or distracting.

For a first chapter I found it intriguing! Good luck in subsequent chapters!

~alliyah

Image

Honora replied · Feb 24, 2019

Thank you alliyah! I appreciate the feedback and I%u2019m glad that you liked it! :)

You're very welcome! :)

User avatar
shieldmaiden
Comment
shieldmaiden commented Comment · Feb 22, 2019

Hey Honora - guess who. Since I've already read your story (or what you've written so far) I just want to say that it is fantastic. I really like the flirtatious banter and it keeps the tone light and playful at the start before it begins to get darker.

Honora replied · Feb 22, 2019

Thanks! It%u2019ll get interesting soon, trust me! (I hope at least ;) )

Honora replied · Feb 22, 2019

Thanks! It%u2019ll get interesting soon, trust me! (I hope at least ;) )

Honora replied · Feb 22, 2019

Thanks! It%u2019ll get interesting soon, trust me! (I hope at least ;) )

Honora replied · Feb 22, 2019

Thanks! It%u2019ll get interesting soon, trust me! (I hope at least ;) )

User avatar
Teddybear
Review
Teddybear wrote a review Review · Feb 22, 2019

Wow is this long. Okay, I'm gonna review this work of yours, but first, I have a few confessions to make. First and formost, I don't usually read romance. I don't usually like romance. It is one of the most cliche-prone genra's and, in my very uneducated opinion, one of the least creative plot-wise. I can't tell if this one is an exception or not quite yet, but I'm sorry to say I won't be finding out.

I know that's a somber note to start out on, especially when it wasn't an especially bad piece. In fact, when I first began, I thought it might just be exceptionally good. I didn't discover that to be true, though, but I will be telling you why that is and how I think you could fix it.

Before I get into a lengthy one-sided discussion (which is a fancy way of saying "a rant") about the limited amount I've learned in my way-more-than-necessary years of high school/college (in some places) writing classes that I hated at first and then I discovered computers, (hand cramps are the worst), I have to explain how I usually review works like this one. Typically, I'll go paragraph by paragraph and focus in on the little details and such, then give my general thoughts at the end. Unfortunately that won't work here because this is long and I have a reflection to finish for my career exploration project. Wow that's a mouth full, and it's not even the full name of the project. My school's weird. Moving on.

Since I have limited time, I'll skip past the detail work and just tell you what I thought in genreral. Let's get started. Finally.

So, your dialogue wasn't, exactly, natural. You tried to give exposition through it and it showed. Painfully. Maybe I'm being nitpicky, but maybe there was a better way to tell us, the readers, about Cowan's rank? Or prehaps it wasn't particularaly necessary for us to know right in that moment. She could have just said that he would be missed without giving the rank. But, if you absolutely must have the readers find out about his specific rank in thie noble household, maybe try phrasing it something akin to, "The general will miss his second in command," that way, it sounds more like she's praising him, or prehaps mocking him, depending on the tone you decide to give her, on his specific rank.

Other than that, the sentence structure that you keep reverting back to is getting rather old. You have the same sentence lengths. In short, if you try to mix it up, try not to add a conjuntion in the middle of every sentence, and make each sentence a different lenghth. Treat every word you write like it's part of a poem. A long, tuneless sonnet telling the story of a servant girl and a gaurds man who fell in love. An epic poem documenting their love.

You get the gist.

Go for varriety in your word choice and sentence length, modle your dialogue after something you can actually imagine someone saying, and maybe this medium-good C+ chapter could become an A.

But hey, I literally just turned fifteen a month ago, what would I know? I'm just a reader and an amature writer myself. The only real difference between teh two of us is I most likely spend more time writing than you do. (And by that I mean you no offence, my school just allows me to do things like write a book, and a thousand research papers, and the like for credit. Again, no offense, this is just my entire life right now aside from my sewing projects, so it stands to reason that I would have more hours of practice)

Okay, I'm rambling, so I'll stop now. If you have any questions or anything just private message me, or, if you haven't figured that out yet (it took me an embarassing amount of time), just respond to this and I'll private message you myself.

Okay, this time I'm really done rambling. Shoot. I have to write that reflection now. Wish me luck.

Honora replied · Feb 22, 2019

Hey Cyr! Thank you so much for your review, it%u2019s helped make me realize how much I do repeat myself! I know that it says romance but it is way more of a side thing. I would love it if you did continue reading but if you don%u2019t then it%u2019s alright. I%u2019ll come back to your advice when I edit! Thanks again! %uD83D%uDE0A

You're welcome. Whether or not I continue reading is really dependant on how much spare time I've got. In other, unrelated news, I just made a big, frilly dress out of newspaper with help from a friend. I highly recommend the activity, it was a lovely time, just beware the tape dispenser. My thumb didn't appreciate it so much. Only now am I realizing the copious amount of paper, pins, and scissors were probably a bigger threat. All well.

Honora replied · Feb 22, 2019

Sounds like fun! I will have to try it sometime lol
Just so you know, no offense is taken on your review. That is the exact reason I joined! :)

It was fun, but if you try the dress thing, just know that you will need WAY more newspaper than you think you need, hoard the stuff, copious amounts of tape, at least enough pins to make yourself into a porcupine if you felt so inclined, and an extra set of hands.

Honora replied · Feb 24, 2019

Lol sounds good!!! :)



If fortis was here, we could have a teal party
— Pompadour