Young Writers Society

I like how you painted a picture with words. I could clearly see the statue in my head. I am impressed with your work. You also have a grand vocabulary. Keep up the great work. But I do feel you could a little more to it , i got the image but I didn't fully get the emotional impact i feel should go along with it. But nevertheless this is really good in my opinion.


happy writing

~ Rebels Scream Silently~

Hi there! Wonderful poetry you have there, I can clearly see the image and everything. Now, I don't usually do much on poetry because it is so free flowing and interpretive, but I should say that the one and only thing that I noticed was that it seemed to (I don't know if was pattern or not) switch back and forth between beauty and sadness, a sort of bright and hopefull and then the cracks and grey. I think you should pick a tone and keep it, but if you are trying to pattern then make it a little more blatant. That is all I got for ya, but wonderful job! Keep it up!

(And how do you delete a comment?) lol sorry...

SapphireEyes here to review!

First - WELCOME! This is a lovely way to start your membership, I genuinely enjoyed reading this and was floored when I saw your age; such raw talent for a younger writer. Props!

On to the reviewing. I can't really saw I see anything that really needs changing or editing, the word choice, the imagery, even the structure just works so well. Only thing I can think of is more nitpicky than anything... where you have "Quiet stone and classic beauty." this is a fragment and I think with the prior sentence you could put in a semi-colon and just include this line with it as it is around the same thought. Semi-colons are so underused!

My favorite part was the last two lines. You were going with a sadder theme and then you lifted my spirits with the shining smile and hope.

All in all wonderful job. I hope you enjoy the YWS community!

Hey Jessie! Welcome to the Young Writers Society!

Wow. This poem was just beautiful.

When I first saw the formatting, I didn't really like that it was all bunched together in one paragraph. I would have expected separated three or four lined stanzas. But after I read it, I realize that the way you have it is perfect. Normally, at least double-spacing this would be nice, but since YWS's whole line spacing thing is rather annoying, how you have it is just fine. Alright. Enough rambling about formatting.

I am caught in that graceful pose,
always appearing shy and thoughtful,
my right hand forever gesturing.

Hello, jessiethought, I'm back.

I mostly agree with TakeThatYouFiend, about the repetition. I really like your description, and I clicked on this immediately. I would also like some answers. Is this Roman or Greek? Do people normally stare at her? You also never describe her hair. Besides those, though, this was really good, and keep writing. Poems are your métier, and I believe you can be a poet someday. Byezeez!

-wisegirl22

This is a very nice poem, I'm afraid I only have a couple of nitpicks to offer.
But before I do, might I just complement your rhythm here. Although you don't seem to have any stanzas thewhole thing flows beautifully together, without any obvious rough patches.
The first thing I would criticize is that "cheek" is repeated so soon. Rather perhaps put "from my eye" rather than "down my cheek".
The other thing is "girl" and "girlish are too close together. Perhaps change "girlish" to another similar adjective? Just a thought.
Yours,
The Fiend.

Hey! IamTraunt here to review this beautiful poem.

Toga: a loose flowing outer garment worn by the citizens of ancient Rome, made of a single piece of cloth and covering the whole body apart from the right arm.

Remnant: a small remaining quantity of something. Remaining.

Enigmatic: difficult to interpret or understand; mysterious.

These three words I picked out because I can't tell you how perfect they are. You can tell you have thought about and taken into consideration the meaning of these words and properly used them.
You clearly describe and show us through your words that it is a statue you are talking about, an ancient one at that.
My favourite line:

a face veiled in spider webs

Hey, there! I'll be doing a review for you.

I stand in my toga, the girl
with distant eyes and delicate lips,
a face veiled in spider webs,
folds of fabric draping elegantly
over my girlish, innocent figure.

I am caught in that graceful pose,
always appearing shy and thoughtful,
my right hand forever gesturing.

my indignation, shame, sadness.

A crack snakes down my cheek,
tracing the path of my tears,
while my eyes shine with a smile,
hopeful and enigmatic.