As we drive past,
a dime winks silver
on the dark asphalt.
There, then gone--
like fortune.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
For some reason I really like this, it's surprisingly fresh yet innovative. Continue writing!
Thank you for reading my poem.
Well this is going to be a comment hahaha this was a short but strangely deep poem. Nice job. I would put what i thought it meant here but i hate being wrong so i won't but it is pretty thought provoking!
Thanks for reading it.
And hey, it's poetry--art--lots of people interpret things differently and it doesn't mean they're wrong. Don't worry about being wrong. It's pretty hard to be wrong about an interpretation of art--you know, you'd have to think this poem was about aliens and farts or something. 
haha i love you
Timmy here
This will be a short review for a short poem - because there is only so much I can say here. Let's see what I can dig up, though. For being a short poem, you do manage to put a lot of meaning into few words, but I don't think you managed to put enough into it. If your intent was to create a short poem, then you did a marvelous job. This is incredibly short. But if you wanted to create a poem with power, meaning - something that gives a wowing or teary-eyed affect, you need to expand on this.
You have the foundation of the poem written. You need to flesh this out.
Because I am uncertain as to what you're intending to write in this. What is your message? To me, it seemed as though you were trying to describe the fleeting moment of fortune. One second there. The next - way behind you. And the dime winking silver did a good job of putting that image out there, but it didn't do the full job of describing and giving of the idea. You need more in order for this to become a full idea - a full arc of the poem. You need emotion, you need strength, you need for the reader to feel something.
What about regret? Is the character feeling regret for having left fortune flash by them? Now one thing you need to work on is also building up that image of regret. I mean, a dime isn't much like fortune - unless fortune comes in five-cent values. I like to think that fortune is a lot bigger than that. Something that can't be compared for amounts. Because fortune is like that. Or actually, fortune is more the thing you never know. You never know what fortune is going to bring, what is going to come your way. So I think you could come up with a stronger visual there to match the fleeting power of fortune.
You have a great thing going here, and I love your visual of a dime winking silver, and I think all you need to do is flesh this out. Give it life. Bring these ideas to life with more description and more emotion to be given to the reader. Because for me, this seemed like just a start. You can do more.
Hopefully this helps.
~Darth Timmyjake
Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem, Timmyjake!
I appreciate all your thoughts and suggestions. I will think about what you've said and I'll probably take your advice (but rewriting might be on hold for a while since I have midterm exams coming up)... *sigh* Exams... ugh.
I like how you have combined two styles of poetry in this.
Short poems are really hard to write, because it's harder to get a point across, and have enough detail to make it appealing. This poem is very appealing, but I feel the first line is kind of bland, and doesn't go with the rest of the poem as well as it could. Everything else seems to be fine! My favorite line is "a dime winks silver", very nice imagery used in a unique way.
Keep up the good work!
- Phoenix
Thank you for reading my poem!
Hmmm... that first line... I knew something was off there... but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I'll have to do something there.