"Why?"
The word echoed in my head. I didn't know. I should have known, yes, but I didn't. I didn't know why I couldn't breathe sometimes. Or why, in the middle of T.V. marathons, my chest started to pain uncontrollably. I didn't know why the world around me suddenly started to spin, or why my vision sometimes blurred. I didn't know why I felt afraid when I was just sitting at my home in my pajamas. I didn't know why tears just started dropping out of my eyes sometimes. I didn't know why any of this happened, but I knew I prayed for death during those times.
After five days of shutting myself in my room, five days of my stomach growling, and then puking when I catered to its glucose demands, and five days of staring blankly at my bedroom wall like it was Van Gogh, my mother finally decided that my new self was not quite right. So I was brought to this therapist. Her voice rang again in my head. "Why?" It repeated. And again came the instant reply "I didn't know".
Maybe it was because I couldn't answer that question in Maths class, or because I sat alone on the bus ride back home everyday. Perhaps it was because my hair were always flying off like I was caught in a storm, or that I hated half of my wardrobe. Or maybe because he hadn't replied to my 'Hi' message last night. Perhaps because dad joked how I might not even pass school. Maybe because the self- portrait I had painted so enthusiastically looked nothing like me. Maybe it was something trivial; maybe it was the Coldplay song I had just listened to.
Maybe it was something else. I didn't know. I didn't know what I should have known. I didn't know what everyone expected me to know. I didn't know what to tell the therapist. She was looking at me expectantly, and I didn't know what to say.
I was so clueless even when it came to matters relating to my own self, it was pathetic. I was pathetic.
I think she was asking me again. But it made no difference, because I didn't know.
Her voice finally drowned out till it was reduced to just a faint murmur. All I could really hear was the string of insults someone was shouting at me. I could hear them clear as a day, and I desperately wished that I'd go deaf. Fool. Incompetent. Useless. Pathetic. I heard it. I believed it. Because really, what was there to not believe? I was all this, and more. I was a disappointment.
Pathetic.
I heard it again, as I felt something wet on my lap.
I was crying again, and why? I didn't know.
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128,956 Literary Works • 671,501 Reviews
This was amaze-balls, I loved it! I wish that there had been more characterization in that I wish I had gotten a visual of your character, ad I don't recall the gender. Other than that, I loved the vivid image you painted of your MC and their depression. It didn't really have a plot line, but I was very intriguing. I enjoyed it.
I thought your story was repetitive, but I really liked your use of it. The main things I noticed that were repetitive were the words "pathetic" and "I don't know". It really broughtmout the feelings of your MC and how confused they were. You didn't have any technical errors that I could see. You did a great job, I look forward to seeing more from you!
XOXO,
Gravity
Thank you so much.....your review just made my day!
Well, you don't have to. You never have to. It's your work, so you are the one who should make the decision on which edits will improve your story, and which are not needed. Thank you for the reply. It actually cleared up a lot.
This was a well written story. Except for a few typos such as "I didn't knew". Those can be fixed though. Other than that it was good. It seems to speak to people differently. It was a little but sad but then again I guess it was supposed to be. It was well thought out and nicely created. This was a good story and keep writing. Your a good writer. Keep writing the same way. A tip for your writing though is to just look it over before posting. Just proof read it before you post.
Hey...I've fixed the 'knew' 'know' thing. Thanks for pointing it out! I'm glad you liked it! Gonna remember your tip from now on, thanks!
Anyway, it was pretty good... there was a lot of feeling in this piece. Which was really good.
There's a few things that I'd like to mention, just to help you out a bit ( if you don't mind ).
One thing I've noticed is that you've been using 'knew' instead of 'know'. 'Knew' is the past tense, but it's not the correct past tense. Which is weird, I know.
Example of 'knew' usage: I always knew you'd come to love me.
Example of 'know' usage: I know that's how you feel.[/b] Or people often use 'know' as talking about how you were in the past tense, by using something like 'didn't': [i]I didn't know that was how you felt.
See what I mean?
I thought you did a great job besides that! Keep up the writing!!!
See you around!
-Socks
Hey...thanks a lot for your review!
It sucks when you feel like you are just not good enough, like you are worthless. I know how it feels when you have no apparent reason to be sad, but still you just want to cry.
I've edited all the 'knew's to 'know's...guess it's time to brush up my grammar! Thanks for pointing it out.
This piece was the result of a horrible day I had..
Anyway, thanks a lot again!
Anytime!
I know what you mean. I hope we stop having days like this!
I hope so too....
"I didn't knew."
*know
That mistake was repeated many times. You definitely should fix that, unless it is a stylistic choice. Either way, to me, it is very off putting.
"I didn't knew why i felt afraid when i was just sitting at home in my pyjamas."
*know
*pajamas
"I didn't knew why tears just started dropping out of my eyes sometimes."
I think that it would be dripping. Again, the knew mistake was repeated. Please let me know if they were intensional mistakes. Is it part of the character? Are they supposed to have incorrect grammar?
"Maybe it was because I couldn't answer that question in Maths class, or because I sat alone in the bus ride home."
*on (the bus ride home)
I sincerely apologize if these mistakes are intentional.
I won't comment on any more grammatical errors unless you say that they were unintentional.
I loved your use of simple words having a large impact, like "why" or "pathetic."
I think that it could've been a bit deeper. I think that at points with, for example, the reasons, you were merely listing. I think that at those points depth could've been added. This story was very interesting. I really enjoyed it, however, i do think that the grammatical errors and lack of depth took away from something really amazing.
Hey...thanks for your precious review! Those grammatical errors were actual and unintentional mistakes *blushes in embarrassment* Thanks for pointing them out. I've corrected them. As for the depth, I agree that most of the reasons listed are materialistic and superficial. But you see, I was having a horrible day and that's when this piece happened. So the reasons listed are actual reasons of why I sometimes lock myself up and cry. I do understand that they are not really deep or even quite meaningful, but they are real. That's kind of the point I wanted to convey- that depression does not needs some tragedy to happen to take down people; depression can be triggered by even the most random, pointless things in our everyday life. Not being able to answer a question in class makes you feel stupid and less than others, sitting alone triggers loneliness, your looks make you feel insecure, parents joking make you feel like you have no support, not being able to do what you love (in this case, painting) makes you feel worthless, and so on. Anyway, the reasons could have been more meaningful. Maybe I'll edit it a bit later. Who knows?
Thanks a ton for your review again!