Blood tears
Beyond my thick coat of sadness
Beyond the barrier of lead
Beyond the cold hardened structures
Lay warm blooded tears.
.
Tears that burn worse than fire
That hurt more than stabs
Too bitter to ignore,
Yet impossible to be healed.
.
But somewhere within me
Beyond all these things,
There’s a flutter of heartbeat
That ignites at your glare.
.
You’re like a rose that never withers,
With a scent that heals my wounds,
With petals as light as feathers,
And thorns too soft to harm.
.
But my bloody tears betray me
Tainting your white snow breath
With the splatter of droplets
Darker than poison
And sicker than death.
.
Yet there you are
Still reaching out
And yearning to
Dry my tears.
.
How much you mean to me?
But there’re no words to describe
What I actually feel.
.
My heart yearns to tell you
All the thoughts on my mind
All the things that are slowly
Tearing me apart.
.
I carry things too difficult to hold
Yet worse to let go.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Paula certament mhijiex wahda minn dawk iz-zghazagh li jghaddu minn dik il-fazi li juzaw il-poezija bhala moghdija ta' zmien u loghob bil-kliem biex, imbaghad, wara certu zmien jitilqu l-poezija ghal rihha u jaqbdu toroq utilitarji u jispiccaw iduru mal-frivolita' tal-hajja mhabbta ordinarja.
Il-versi bikrin ta' din iz-zaghzugha huma l-frott ta' xi hadd li ra u garrab it-tbatija mill-qrib. Nemmen li Paula qed tindirizza lill-animus taghha aktar milli 'l xi persuna tad-demm u l-laham. Imma ghadni miniex cert.
Paula tikteb bi bzonn urgenti mhux biex turi kemm ghandha hakma fuq il-lingwa ghalkemm il-hakma qieghda hemm - u bla dubju qieghda hemm. Ix-xinxilli u t-tizjin zejjed mhumiex hobz ghal taht snienha. Hemm tbatija emozzjonali interna li trid tohrog, li trid tigi espressa malajr malajr, b'immedjatezza kbira. U dan li joghgobni f'din il-poezija li qrajt ghal aktar minn tliet darbiet u ghadni ma gbajtx nomghod it-tjubija taghha.
L-ugigh tal-poetessa hu l-ugigh taghna lkoll. U ghalhekk il-poezija hi sabiha. Versi ta' niket u poezija sabiha ghax l-istil jirbah b'mod assolut fuq il-kontenut.
This was a very good poem. I thought it was beautiful and poetic. I really like it.
Grammar: Your grammar was wonderful!
Spelling: Your spelling was awesome as well was you punchuation.
I really liked your poem.
Here are my favorite parts!
I really liked this part because it was so touching. I have a lot of other favorite parts, but I won't name them all, because all the parts are my favorite parts. I really liked the whole poem!
I will talk to you later.
Love,
Dogsrule5
Thank you for your feedback. I am really pleased that you liked my poem
I like a lot of poems actually. I am not good I at writing poetry, but I love reading it.
Ooh. So my first feeling about this when reading through was this was the entrance into a relationship after having gone through previous relationship abuse, or abuse by a family member. I don't know if the tears represent physical or emotional abuse -- 'cause the presence of blood suggests physical, but tears are very close to the brain and represent an expression of emotion, so it could go either way.
I like it. But I think there are some things that could be tightened up to make this an even lovelier read!
Let's go through it~
Glare seems like too harsh a word to use here. At first I was confused about how the two characters felt about each other, because glare is kind of the word we use when someone's staring angrily, and I don't think that would get this narrator's heart ignited, right? Maybe you were looking for "glance"?
The next suggestion I have is to cut these two stanzas completely:
They are way too tell-y, you know? They're explaining the situation, but in a poem as focused on emotions as this, it's out of place and also makes the reader lose interest. We don't need to be told that this person means a lot to the speaker, because we know from the way the speaker's described the light as feathers petals, the white as snow breath. That shows the tenderness. We don't need it explained. And I think the last two lines sum up the idea of the second stanza here. "I carry things too difficult to hold" says everything from "My heart yearns to tell you" all the way down to "Tearing me apart" in much less words, with a much stronger feeling behind them.
I hope these suggestions make sense! If you have any questions, feel free to PM or reply to my review.
Good luck and keep writing!
Hannah
WOW.
Can i just say first off before i descend into an actual review of this that this is the best poem i've read in a very long time. And I read quite a lot of it. I can completely empathise with the feelings you convey here, i've felt most of them myself, but I could never express myself with such skill as you have, and I wish I could because this is just an amazing pice of writing!
Anyway, I should probably start actually telling you what I liked and disliked, after all this is meant to be a review :') I loved the first stanza, especially "warm blooded tears" because "warm" nicely contrasts with "tears" as they are meant to be a sad and cold object (maybe just me but thats how I interpreted it).
The next 4 stanzas impressed me even further, perfect wording, well-positioned punctuation, regular stanzas, it got me very excited and also started to make me feel closer to the writer as there is a hell lot of emotion that's gone into this poem. I especially liked "thorns too soft to harm" that's just a great line.
I think that this has a brilliant ending, kind of builds up to how you really feel about the whole situation.
I would love to read more poetry from you, keep it up!!!
Thank you so much for your review. I am pleased to receive such a positive response and I'm truly glad that you liked it. (Your interpretation was great)