Yesterday drowns me
As does the day before and before
But why see it a day
When it all seems a whole
It’s like there’s no separation
No yesterday from today
Or from the day before and before
For everything comes back to you
From the days that have crept by
The same thoughts from the times before
Still linger with thousands more
Isn’t the past supposed to be the past?
Then why does it keep asking me
“How come you did so?”
There are no walls between days
So why call it a day?
When it all seems a whole
People use the past tense
Cause the past is always there
Without walls to keep it out
It lingers around us
Yet it keeps us in place
The past defines us
Cause the present is a past
So why call it a day?
When it all seems a whole
PS: The lack of punctuation is as a means to show continuation from one day to another.
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Before everything else, hi. Wisegirl22 here. I found some nitpicks.
In the title, "call", "it", and "day" should be capitalized. Unless you want it lowercase...?
"Why call it a day?"
As I said before, formal to abbreviations doesn't work. And if you want it to, an apostrophe should be before "cause".
"Cause the past is always there"
This comes in later, too.
I love the repetition, but "PS" should be "P.S." Hope that helped!
Love,
wisegirl22
Hi there! Happy Review Day!
Yay.
Okay, so while I was reading this, I was thinking, "Dude, there is seriously no punctuation..." And what do you know xD
Except, I don't know if you meant not to put a period at the end, after "whole"? Just one little punctuation thing, that you don't have to change....
"Cause" is kind of short for "because" so I would either use because (which might mess up the syllables) or just put the "'" before cause. Like so: 'Cause.
I love this because I can relate to it so much. The past happened. Why can't we just forget about it? I think that all the time, and you write it down here.
I don't really have much to say besides the two minor nitpicks up there, since I like this so much. You really did a great job, and I can tell you edited and really thought this through. The piece makes me think as well, which is perfect. That's what a work is supposed to do, make you think. You did a great job.
Hope this helps,
WillowPaw1~
I just wanted to say, that this is a beautiful poem. It really makes a lot of sense, and makes me think. I do think it could use some separation of stanzas, to help show the flow of ideas, but I guess that could be symbolic to the theme of your poem. I also found it to be a bit repetitive with lines like:
"Yesterday drowns me
As does the day before and before"
and
"No yesterday from today
Or from the day before and before "
I found the repetition kind of distracting, and I think you could have made this poem significantly shorter. I also would have liked a more consistent rhythm or a rhyme scheme.
That said, great work, and keep writing!
~Hadj
Thanks for the review