26 ON THE BUS
The Aquarium was the Town’s most popular seafood restaurant, built inside a marine menagerie that gave it its name. The dome of the dolphins’ tank was visible from the outside. Inside, the restaurant’s tables and booths were arranged beneath and beside the massive fish tanks that made it such a popular hangout.
Tonight, a Friday, it was so busy that, although Christian and Liza arrived by bus at seven, they weren’t seated until eight. The wait was loud and stuffy, full of London people who were as different from the residents of the Town as their vermilion double-deckers were from the Town buses that had been refurbished to look like old trolleys.
Dinner was not much better. Ordinarily Christian loved the Aquarium, for all its crowds and noise; he might end up eating in the shadow of a whale shark or in a corner illuminated by a tank of medusae, and he would remember all the things he had read about such creatures. This time, however, he didn’t even notice that he was seated by a tank of mandarin dragonets, some of the most colorful fish in the ocean. He was jittery from the harpies’ attack last night, he’d had a horribly dull and frustrating day at the accounting firm, and he was miserable at the thought that he could not cheer himself up by visiting Conrad and Minerva. He’d felt dreadfully lonely all through the day and forgotten about his offhanded pledge to take Liza to dinner until he saw her standing at the bus stop after work, looking every bit as miserable as he felt.
She still looked that way, sitting in the warm yellow light of the lamp hanging over their table. Worry lines creased her forehead; a frown puckered her face whenever she wasn’t working at a smile. The top button of her suit coat had popped off from the strain of closing over a bosom too large for it, but she hadn’t noticed. The button sat where it had landed, not far from her plate.
It was almost ten by the time they paid their bill and got on the bus to go home. They had hardly said three sentences to each other all through dinner, so preoccupied had they been with their own thoughts.
They were halfway to the central bus station when the hellhound came.
Christian had his forehead pressed against the window when he saw it loping after the bus, a shining black dog with yellow eyes. It was so large its head reached the bus windows, yet no one else seemed to have noticed it but a ragged woman across the aisle, who threw her arms over her face at the sight with a yell and cowered in her seat. The other passengers glared at the disturbance. The woman fell silent, though she watched the hellhound’s progress through her fingers.
The hellhound vanished.
Christian turned his head so fast he cricked his neck, but he couldn’t see where the beast had gone.
“You alright?” Liza asked, arching her eyebrows at him. He rubbed his neck.
“Fine,” he stammered. He returned to staring out the window when she looked away. Where had it gone and why was it chasing after the bus in the first place? Were they safer on the bus or off it? He wasn’t sure. His stomach churned, but all he could do was continue to watch for the hellhound and hope it did not reappear.
The bus lights flickered. In the driver’s seat, the bus driver said, “Piece of rubbish,” and slapped the dashboard as if she thought that would make a difference.
Something rammed into the side of the bus.
The passengers screamed as the bus tilted, balanced for a moment on its wheels, and fell on its side. Christian was squished into the wall and window as Liza and three other passengers slid into him. Over the screaming and sobbing he heard the bus driver shout, “Is everyone alright?” and then garbled speech as she radioed the garage.
“—flipped over—I don’t know, it felt like something hit us but I didn’t see—”
“Are you alright, Christian?” Liza asked.
In a muffled voice, he said, “Yes.”
The constabulary and medics kept them for nearly an hour, asking questions about what had happened and treating the passengers and driver for injuries and shock. Most of them had escaped serious injury, though the ragged woman who had been sitting across the aisle had a gash in her forehead and tried to tell a medic all about the ghastly incident as she was stitched up.
“—it were a big dog with yeller eyes, ran right into the side of the bus, I seen it—”
Liza shook her head and said, “Delusional. Poor thing.”
Christian had already decided not to mention the hellhound himself.
Townspeople appeared from the surrounding houses despite the lateness of the hour, drawn by the novelty of an upset. At first they stood about on the pavement, clutching their bathrobes and enjoying the general chaos, but after a while they began inviting passengers into their homes for tea and the use of their telephones. The street cleared as people went inside to call family and friends for transportation.
Christian and Liza looked at each other.
“I haven’t got anyone to call,” Christian said.
“Nor have I. My sister’s been in America for the last twenty years.” They looked at the dwindling crowd, and then Liza said, “It would’ve been Conrad for both of us, wouldn’t it?”
Christian nodded, but at the mention of Conrad his stomach turned again. He had promised not to return to the park—but surely the balloon-artist ought to know about the hellhound?
“Let’s go,” he said. “My house is closest.”
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Timmy here!
And that is always awesome.
Can I just make a random comment and say that I am super happy you didn't describe the food at the Aquarium? I am hungry right now and that might just worsen things. <.< Actually, I do love that you didn't mention the food, but for different reasons. I like that you didn't mention it, because there were more important things to look at. The relationship between Christian and Liza seemed very forced at the dinner, and even though Christian was taking her out to dinner, it seemed rather strange for them to just be sitting there, lost in their own thoughts. I LOVE THAT. It makes everything seem much more realistic, instead of realizing that you could fill the page with endless gibberish that adds up to zero. The dialogue was nothing--until the excitement came.
Yowee! Another hell-hound, but this time on the wrong side of the world! Reallly, wrong side of things. Something tells me that it was after Christian or Liza, because who else on the bus would have attracted it? I wonder if it was the same hell-hound, or a different one? Not that it matters, thought. One hellhound, two hell-hounds--doesn't matter. They probably all look alike, anyway.
I actually think that you could have given us more of a visual with the hell-hound. We received two short sentences describing it, whereas I think it should have had a bunch more, a bit of description interlaced into the action and thought process of Christian. It might make the animal seem more ferocious and believable!
My only other nitpick would have been the accident involving the bus. Wasn't big enough. Nuh-uh. The accident wasn't a big enough visual for me to realize that, HEY! THIS IS A BIG DEAL! The bus fell over, and I think the description needed a little bit more of an edge there, and more tense. It's an important part of the chapter--perhaps the most important--and its regarded as almost an insignificant thing. Yeah, the bus fell over. What's for lunch?
NO MORE NITPICKS. TOO PERFECT.
hee-hee. Christian had better take the opportunity to talk to Conrad--and see Minerva. Its only been one chapter and I already miss the girl.
Focus, Timmy. Focus!
Now its obvious that Liza knows nothing about this world that Conrad is currently in--despite her knowing about his timely exits every night. I hope she finds out, because that would make me uber happy. Besides, Christian needs to get back in that park so he can kick some Goblin butt... eventually.
~Darth Timmyjake
On the note of the bus accident and how to make it a bigger deal, do you have any suggestions? I built it up more than in the previous draft, but Christian is obviously still not freaked out enough in this part. Do you think if I just described the aftermath in more detail I could make the tone eerier/more frightening, or does his brain need to be whirring in panic, or? You can see I have trouble in high-emotion situations.
Yusss... Or maybe use sound to your advantage. Screeching wheels. Screaming passengers. The driver throwing the wheel as fast as he can.
Flashing images like that speed up a scene, and make it more tense, I think.
Thanks, bud.
Welcome.
Messenger is back!! Hooray! So not the review.
Gaah! Garden gnome takeover!!! JK, but in all seriousness it felt like I was reading garden gnome every two words. Maybe think of a better way to phrase it? And tehee to Mr. Catcher.
aww so adorable:)
oh boy what an ending! You have the histories of all these people so well thought out Blue, it really adds authenticity to your story. I really don't have much else to say other than I hope he landed in the right place . . . and you should have named him Bilbo!
~Messenger
Hola Blue!
It does seem like a rather harsh punishment for the Aurelia and all her sisters to have to manage with! It was only one mistake 
Such a sad and interesting story. So far I love how the evil guy is always talked about and not seen... building up his character until we get to meet him for our own! Loving it! Also, perfect chapter ending... we all wonder where he is going now. Maybe a bit more panic on his part as he's knows he is being sent through the portal into a place he shouldn't be? I mean, who knows where that guy will be going!
I have finally caught up with Messenger *does a little dance* Although he did do all those reviews in just one day >.>
Anyways! To the review: For me the key thing that this lacked was emotion on Christian's part, but I'm not going to dwell too much on that because it's been mentioned previously.
How sad
So the Otherworld and all this stuff is a different planet? I wonder if adjusting to this one was hard, and if they found many differences to their world. Also, Minerva turns into a statute pretty conveniently for a park during the day. Is that how she would've reacted in her own world too or is it something that happened when they evolved to fit in the earth? And why is there a circus every day? These are just some of my curious questions towards the end of Aurelia's tale...
Carina <3 Beautiful choice. You're good with the names you know.
I don't really have much more to say than this! And on to the next
Deanie x
me sees this
hehehe
Well, Minerva actually was made after the whole battle with Goblin and stuff, so the Otherworld isn't her world at all. She's never been outside of the park.
Okay I lied, my team need more points.
Just a small one - the last part might read more smoothly as '...so long that it was forgotten.'Specifics
1. Can Christian really tell the garden gnomes apart? I have trouble recognising a person I've only met once or twice, never mind a garden gnome. I'd think it would be hard to recognise him so quickly and is it significant that this is the same one? If so, perhaps he says something which makes Christian recognise him? That just threw me out of the story for a bit and had me wondering about it.
2.
3. I'm loving the idea that even imprisoned in the tree, Goblin could call evil to him. Very nice!
Overall
This was a nice section, but Christian is a bit easy going isn't he? I'm not really feeling the worry over leaving Minerva behind and venturing into a scary world all alone. Shouldn't someone at least go with him? I know the old man perhaps wouldn't be a lot of use, but if Minerva has the two fairies and has the old man to change her bandages then I feel Liza should be insisting she go through the portal to find Conrad. If I was her and that was my husband, I wouldn't want to stay put.
And what about the horse? Is it a young horse? Christian only has until sunset so surely having a horse with him would be useful? This whole going alone when there is such a big group of people being left behind just doesn't sit well with me. I'm trying to think of examples from books, but every one I think of, the character has only gone on alone when there has really been no other choice.
The writing is smooth as always and I think if you could just make Christian more worried and less 'oh dear, I'm about to step through a magical portal which may take me to the wrong place. Never mind' then that would be great!
Best of luck with it,
Heather xx
OoooooOOOOOooh this is getting so good, I can't, omg.
As always, you put careful thought and plotting into each character's past. This particular history lesson, about Aurelia and why the fairies cannot return to the Otherworld, is just as good as the others were, and ties in perfectly with the story. No gaps or anything. I'm curious to know why an angel is there with them, and how, and also why he banished all fairies and not just Aurelia... seems like a jerky angel to me. Perhaps we'll meet this Neva? (love the name btw)
If Rath was formerly Morrow's horse, shouldn't he go with Christian? Just a side note, but horse and man must unite. D:
I'm liking how Liza is taking all of this, but I find it odd that she hasn't said anything about her husband. You did say, in the last chapter/installment, that Christian told Liza that her husband was in the Otherworld, right? If so, why hasn't she told Christian to give him a message or anything? Where is the love? D;
I know Christian totally digs Minerva, but still I say: where is the emotion? There was hardly anything about how he felt, leaving her in fate's (and Liza's) hands. I just feel like there's little emotion showed overall. I suggest you work on showing more in-depth feelings, like maybe with inner thoughts or actions.
Overall, I'm super worried about Minnie (new nickname; you diggin?), but this is getting better and better. You better tell us who or what interrupted his transportation.. or else. *shakes fist*
Minnie...so cute.
And also Disneyish.
Do you know, I didn't even think about that! Having Liza give Christian a message or SOMETHING I mean. Okay. I may have to add something little in. More likely she'd start to ask him to say something and then change her mind.
Also: oh, the angel IS jerkish indeed. You saw the synopsis and my trouble replacing the word "dickish" with something more professional because "dickish" just describes him perfectly.
That word is perfect, actually. So I take it we'll be meeting him, then?
YEP. Pretty soon, actually. Not the next post, but the one after that we should at least be in his vicinity. I love writing him, though. Dickish characters are fun.
Wow. How much have u written? Wrd count please, or pages. I've written 110k words, or about 300 pages of luike 370 word pages
This particular story is a little less than 79,000 pages total. Page count depends on format, of course, but in MS Word, with paragraphs formatted like they are above and one-inch margins, it's 172 pages. Lots of chapters, though, because the chapters are so short.