Timmy here!
This last chapter was both sad and happy at the same time, kind of like the bitter-sweet ending that we readers both hate and adore at the same time. While we are happy that Christian has found love and found himself a new life but still holding dear his old adventures and old ways, we are sad that Minerva isn't the woman he walks through the gardens with.
I liked this chapter a lot, especially the walk through the gardens and how it all ends with him beginning the tale to his wife... a most excellent beginning and ending of the book. The last sentence was perfect. <3 I am adoring this last chapter.
I do have a few things to say about it before I scamper away. Too many technical stuff we don't need to know. Since this is the end of our journey following Christian, a lot of these things seemed superfluous to me and cluttering up the chapter. So, like this part --
They, too, enjoyed the weather and had been able to close up temporarily at lunchtime when their son, Robert, had brought his youngest daughter for a visit. But now their son and granddaughter were gone, off to fetch Robert’s wife from the train station after a week-long trip to Paris.
--doesn't really add anything to the story in my opinion because it doesn't really matter to the story at all. Think about what you want to accomplish in this chapter (which I think would simply amount to instilling in the reader's mind that Christian is, indeed, happy) and then omit everything that stands in the way of presenting that as clearly as possible. Like, I don't think the part about the arthritis adds anything to it at all, because we aren't going to spend anymore time with Sarah, so we don't need to know that.
90 SOME YEARS LATER
Now, at seventy-two, with the old pain in his hip
How does that work?
Sometimes he did not remember, and they had to backtrack and go the other way
perfect. <3
of modern art that reminded Christian of nothing so much as a gigantic tissue someone had thrown away.
Again, perfect. <3 I can't say any more on that for that description.
He sighed, a little wistfully. But Sarah was a good wife, his best friend, and he loved her. He did not regret their life together.
When I read this part, I thought you could have extended it a bit more? It didn't sound like a full idea to me, but like you pulled some of it out. I think a tad more on the part with Christian looking up at Minerva (I did like how you didn't use her name, although I don't know why) and the part with Sarah and how she was a good wife and his best friend and all that stuff. Maybe a little bit longer? This is your wrap-up. I think a little longer would do it good, show that he truly is happy and not regretting. A show moment rather than a tell moment. Maybe have him describe Sarah's face a little bit, some endearing feature of hers, so she can be closer to us, as well.
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That was for the chapter - I have a bit on the book to say. And I think some orderliness would help the readability of this review. Forgive me if I ramble.
This story has been my longest project ever attempted on YWS, and one I admit I was hesitant to begin because of the daunting review numbers (and for other reasons you know of), but once I got into it, I just felt like I had become a part of Christian's world and the next review wasn't a labor at all. I felt like I was truly honored to be typing out the reviews, to be nitpicking things that I wished I didn't have to say because it broke the feeling I had while reading it. I am rarely transported into another world, both by the images and the feeling of the story, but with this book I was honestly inside your character and inside your story. I could feel everything that went on with everyone, and everything. This story enraptured me and sucked me in like no story has ever done, and I thank you for letting me experience that.
Christian's journey through both himself and the Otherworld, the park - and everywhere along the line - was an amazing and inspiring thing to read. It was truly wonderful to see him change, see him become stronger and more sure of himself, and yet not change. No matter what happened to Christian, and what befell everyone around him, he never changed into another person. The Christian at the end of the story was the same Christian as at the ending, just... more. He felt like more of a whole person. And so did I.
I can say it again and again. This story was beautiful, down to every scene, every description, every word. You are truly an inspiring writer, and I hope I can write as good as you when I "grow up".
Thank you for writing this beautiful novel. I don't know what else to say.
I demand first copy. Well, as long as Iggy and Deanie and Messenger and Pompadour and Aurora99 and Bob next door doesn't scramble to it before me.
If you ever want me to take another look at a certain chapter, give you feedback anywhere in this book or elsewhere, you know where to find me.
~Darth Timmyjake, signing out for the final time.
I suppose I should use this, at least once.
Points: 13831
Reviews: 1007
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