The Book Man, Chapters 9-10 (Revised)

by BluesClues

Published February 24, 2014

E - Everyone

In The Book Man

9 THE ROVER WOMAN

He had to go slowly through the maze to avoid getting lost, but once he reached the end he sped up, wound through the crowds (ducking behind a cotton-candy stand to avoid another run-in with the two overzealous ringmasters), and finally climbed back into the Rover’s wagon.

She was sitting on the edge of the bunk, cleaning the balloon-artist’s wound with thyme oil. She looked up as Christian entered and said, “Good. Give them here.”

He handed her the basket of leaves and petals and watched as she made them into a poultice and tied it tight against Conrad’s leg. The balloon-artist breathed with difficulty, his skin greyish and shining with sweat. He groaned. Christian balled his fists in his pockets to keep from covering his ears.

The Rover, in the middle of murmuring something in Gaelic comfortingly to Conrad, caught the gesture. Her expression softened.

“Go on outside,” she said. “I’ll be out with a bit of dinner for us, alright?”

He nodded and went out to sit on a log by the fire. In a short while she appeared, bearing two bowls of stew, and handed one to him. The spoon sat uselessly in his hand. The Rover gave him a sideways glance.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s doing better than most. I’ve never known anyone to come away from a hellhound attack. Usually they get gobbled right up.”

The stew smelled delicious, but at the thought of hellhounds Christian’s stomach turned.

“It doesn’t make me feel especially better,” he said.

The Rover shrugged. “At least he’s got a chance. My brother took a trip down one’s gullet. There’s no coming back from that.”

Christian opened his mouth but shut it without saying anything. They ate without speaking for a while, and then she asked, “How do you know him, then?”

“Conrad? I live across the street from his balloon-cart.”

“Across the street?” She frowned in confusion, but then her black eyes widened. “You live Outside!”

“Out—what, outside the park?” said Christian. “Of course. Don’t you?”

She shook her head. “We live here.”

A thousand questions arose in Christian’s mind, but before he could ask any of them, she held out her hand and said, “Imelda.”

“Christian. Christian Abernathy.”

They finished their stew in silence; though questions still whirled about the accountant’s head, he hardly knew where to begin. He hadn’t yet decided what to ask first when Imelda looked up at the eastern horizon, where the sky was turning grey with the cold light that preceded dawn.

“Almost sunrise,” she said. “You had better get going.”

Christian blinked at her. “What about Conrad?”

“He’s not fit to move at the moment,” she said, standing up and taking his empty bowl. “He’ll have to stay with me until he’s better.”

“What, here in the park?” Christian asked. He couldn’t help thinking people were bound to notice if a bunch of circus-folk were snoring beneath the trees in the daytime. But perhaps there were circus-folk sleeping in the park each day; he had never been inside before, after all.

“If he hasn’t explained anything to you, I don’t think I ought to either,” Imelda said. “We don’t get many Outsiders. Come back tomorrow night and you can see him.”

With that, she disappeared back into her wagon and pulled the curtain down over the entrance.

She wasn’t the only one. All around the carnival Christian saw tents collapsed, food stands tossing the last of their wares to hungry fair-goers, draft horses hitched to the vardos. Cries of “Dawn! Almost dawn, lads” rang throughout the clearing; already some of the circus-folk began making their way in the direction of the rose beds. Christian repressed an urge to join them and hurried off in the other direction, through the wood toward the park gate.

It was only when he got there he remembered the key to the padlock was back in Imelda’s wagon, in the pocket of Conrad’s waistcoat.

10 THE TELEPHONE CALL

An explosion of birdsong from Celadon Park awoke Christian much earlier Sunday morning than he would’ve cared to wake. Usually he enjoyed lying in bed, listening to the birds while the cat kneaded his stomach; it was his favorite thing about living across the street from the park. This morning, however, he would have preferred to be left alone to sleep.

For a long while he lay in bed, wondering why he was so exhausted. It could not have been because he’d been in Celadon Park until sunrise, waiting for the guard who arrived at dawn to unlock the gate. That could not have happened. It must have been a dream: the horse-sized dog pounding down the street, Conrad’s injured leg, the crow snatching at his hair. The guard glaring at him as he stammered an explanation for his presence in a park that should have emptied out at sunset. And Minerva.

From the study, the telephone jangled. No one ever called him but the accounting firm and Conrad. The firm was closed on Sundays; it must have been the balloon-artist, safe at home. Last night had been a dream after all. Christian hardly knew whether to feel relieved or disappointed. The balloon-artist was unscathed, but Minerva and the magic and beauty of the park did not exist. He had nothing more to look forward to than a day of reading before returning to the accounting firm on Monday.

He put the cat on the floor and made his way to the study, chiding himself for his stupidity. Of course reading was all he had to look forward to. It was the only way he would ever go on adventures, because vicarious adventuring was the only kind he would ever be brave enough for.

It took a moment to find the telephone: he rarely used it and tended to leave it wherever he’d last been talking. He shoved aside the books and papers on his desk until he found the phone beneath a pile of field guides from the 1980s.

“Hello?”

“Christian?”

It wasn’t Conrad; it was his wife, Liza.

“Yes,” he said.

“I was just wondering—” She hesitated, and he pictured her winding the cord of her phone around her forefinger as she did whenever someone called as they were about to leave for dinner. She cleared her throat. “I was just wondering—if by any chance—you might know where Conrad is?”

Christian’s heart skipped a beat.

“Isn’t he at home?” he asked.

There was a rush of static as she let out a breath into the mouthpiece.

“That’s the thing,” she said. “He never came home last night.”

Christian’s mouth went dry. It wasn’t possible.

“But—but I saw him go to the bus stop—”

No, he thought, it had all been a dream—hadn’t it? If it hadn’t, Conrad was with Imelda, healing (he hoped), and (his heart leapt at the thought) Minerva was real after all.

“Christian? You still there, honey?”

He nodded. Then he realized Liza couldn’t see him and said yes instead. His brain whirled with potential explanations, for how could he tell her the truth?

He couldn’t, he decided, but Liza was talking again and he hastened to listen.

“—see if he was with you,” she said. “Thanks anyway. Give us a ring if you hear from him, will you?”

“Goodbye—I mean, yes,” he said. “Yes, of course. Good day.”

He put the telephone down with relief. No need to explain anything, not yet, at least. But tonight he would have to return to the park and see it all again—just to make sure.

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
TimmyJake
Review
TimmyJake wrote a review Review · Jul 9, 2014

Timmy here for another review! :D

Missed one day. You can punish me if you want. I don't mind... that much.

I think this was the first part I have read where you used short chapters, and I find that they worked really well. I mean, a lot of the bestseller books have done that, including Peter and the Starcatchers(junior fiction, but still a fun read), where the character POV switches around like crazy. This one is similar, except you have spared us the confusion of forty million POV's in one single book. Thank heavens. I GO INSANE WITH FORTY MILLION POV. And you don't wanna see me go insane.

Anyway--went off topic. But I thought you did it very well, and the first chapter(well, ninth) rolled smoothly into the tenth without rolling a beat. Ya know, I think its similar to what some writers do with like chapter "breaks" or such, where there is a separator like an extra space or something. But hey! This works just as good, and is less confusing.

Ummm... that is a lot of writing for just a silly comment. :P Onto the review, now!

Yay! I found out the Rover's name! You have such purty names in your book, and so original. Imelda, Christian, Minerva--love them alllllll... And the characters! They all seem to hold a certain level of compassion for Christian's state, if not a small amount of pity and shock. Shock that he is an outsider. But that just makes him so much more fun. He is truly out of place wherever he goes, not just in the world outside, but also in the magical world as well. (Juss saying its magical, cuz its sure seems that way. :) )

She was sitting on the edge of the bunk, cleaning the balloon-artist’s wound with thyme oil. She looked up as Christian entered


With a work this good, I am left to the teensy things. Two sentences start with "She" in a row, installing slight redundancy. Might want to break it up a bit.

tied it tight


Doesn't really count as a nitpick, but isn't that illiteracy? All of those "t" so close! Just wanted to point it out, just in case these things matter to you at all. :)

at the thought of hellhounds Christian’s stomach turned.


I don't even pretend to know my punctuation, but I think you need a comma after "hellhounds" Am I right or wrong?

she did whenever someone called as they were about to leave for dinner.


That didn't work for me, and the sentence was kind of strangled sounding. Perhaps something more like "agitated" or something "whenever she was agitated". I dunno.

see him and said yes instead.


comma after "yes"


No more nitpicks! I loved the tenth chapter the best, I think. Just all of his thought, and what is going one through the chapter. His sadness when he finds out that the park wasn't real, although its uncertain sadness, because it also means that his friend wasn't hurt. And then when he finds out that it is real, he is so happy--but it is uncertain happiness, because it means his friend was indeed hurt. Gosh, you don't make things easy for him, do you? :P

Loving this, Blue. Your characters are vivid and realistic, and your story a page-turner.
Onto the next chapter!
~Darth Timmyjake

Thank you!

isn't that illiteracy?


Ha ha, no. Illiteracy is an inability to read. It is, however, consonance. It's actually a poetic device--not one I used purposely, in this case, but it is acceptable to use as long as you don't overuse it.

I'm so glad you enjoy the story!

consonance.
Got it.
I love getting things wrong, cuz then I learn how to do it righhhhtttt
I am enjoying this, so. very. much.

User avatar
Pompadour
Review
Pompadour wrote a review Review · Mar 31, 2014

Well, I guess I might just as well drop by and review this one too. ^_^

Page 14: Conrad's Tale

I like where this is going, with the magicky history and everything. I also liked Christian's frequent interruptions. It just makes everything more believable, and I think I was right in attaching the favourite-character tag to Christian. Very right, indeed.

The switch in narration kind of threw me off, though. I think it seems more like information in a text-book rather than a story, and it would really be better off if it was written in dialogue form instead. Really long dialogues are all right, as long as they're natural-sounding, and I really think that dialogue would give this chapter a more ... personal touch. I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty of quoting one of your paras here, just to try and get my point across better:

“I don’t know what he was exactly,” Conrad said, “nor what he looked like. I wasn’t there, after all, and no one ever saw him but Morrow, the gypsy king.

Morrow led an army of gypsies, circus-folk, and townspeople to victory against Goblin and his horde of wicked beasts. With the help of the Good Magic, Morrow trapped Goblin in a cave deep beneath the wood with a spell."


Kind of like this. Of course, you can tweak it as you want so it seems more like something Conrad actually said, and I feel it would also help the reader keep in pace with the conversation instead of simply trying not to drown in all the facts.

I think I'll stop blabbering now, heh.

Page 15: A request

Wow. Christian is infatuated with Minerva, isn't he? It's almost .. creepy. But kind of cute at the same time, haha.

One thing I noticed was the lack of response Conrad had towards the fact that his wife knew he was missing, and could be worried sick over his disappearance. Wouldn't Liza be out searching for Conrad, or asking around for where he was last seen? She might even show up at the park because she knows that's where he works and stuff. It might be more believable if she had a vague idea about Conrad's "other job." It'd be a nice side story/plot to keep in mind, since we can't forget that people outside the park will be reacting to Conrad's disappearance as well.

That's all the criticism I have, really. I'd gush on everything I've already gushed about in previous chapters, but I shall save my praise for more opportune moments. That having been said, this was brilliant. <3

~Pompadour

User avatar
Messenger
Review
Messenger wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2014

Messenger back for more! RAWR!! So I can't wait to see Conrad's tale. Let's get into this.

Conrad grinned. “Oh, I’m a young man in my prime. I’ll be—let’s see—one hundred and twelve next May.”

Wait? O_O Who? what . . .I mean . .. that was a major surprise Blue! I mean . . . yeah I wasn't expecting THAT to happen. :P Let's continue with this shocking bit of news jammed in my brain.

One hundred and twelve, and the balloon-artist barely looked the sixty he claimed.

Claimed? Who claimed? You say Conrad barely LOOKED, so that doesn't insinuate that anyone claimed his age. Also I didn't feel like Christian was really that shocked. I mean he's talking to a 100+ year-old guy!! :D

“Thank you,” Conrad said, and he continued with the story.

The simpleness of this sentence is so amusing. :)

dodged the two enthusiastic ringmasters from last night as they strode toward him shouting about their circuses

Man I really wanted him to be friends with them :P

So I finished and I just love reading this. It really feels like I'm reading from a published author. I have yet to see more than a few nitpicks in the first 15 chapters and that makes it nice and easy to just read and concentrate! Once again you had some good humor and the plot just gets thicker as more is revealed! I can't wait to see what comes next . . . although this romance is so mushy-gushy!:D Ah, well, I assume Christian will come out of his stupor sometime sooner then later and hopefully Minerva won't take advantage of him.

Oh, I also liked how you went between Conrad speaking the story,and just reading it at some points. The mix made it not be so bland and straightforward since it was a longer portion of the chapter. Can't wait to see the next installment (which I'll get to in about thirty seconds:P)

~Messenger

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Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Mar 27, 2014

Blue!

Oh yay we get to see Minerva again soon! And see the Good Magic and maybe even a glimpse of the Other World through the portal, who knows.

Well, this chapter in general was there for the backstory and kind of setting Christian on his way for his adventure. I liked how there was dialogue amongst it to mix it up a bit but after talking about his father for such a long time the effects of I'm-just-taking-in-info started to work on me. I don't know what you might do instead, maybe mention some thoughts of Christian's like how he'd seen some pictures of Conrad as a child when it mentions Conrad's childhood so it puts some breaks in the backstory or something.

Poor Liza again! Not knowing the truth about the age of her husband or where he goes at night. If I were her as a wife I would be worried sick by now, not just taking it all in my stride. The poor woman I feel for her :'(

Also, before this chapter Imelda mentioned the Outside like it was some great thing that no one was allowed to do. Is Conrad the only one of them that goes outside? Why does no one else go? And the fair can't get many customers then can it? I understand all the guardian things but those three questions not so much. So maybe explain them more in here so even I can get it ^^

Deanie x

Well, the people involved in the magic and the park *can* go outside, actually, but they almost never do. And outside people never find their way in, because why would you break into a padlocked park at night? Unless, of course, like Christian, you've got inside intel. But the Fair-folk are so numerous that between them and the gypsies and the children, it's plenty busy without outsiders.

User avatar
Kale
Review
Kale wrote a review Review · Mar 15, 2014

Hello BlueAfrica! It's nice to see you wearing mold again. I also had no idea you wrote novels. I haven't read any of the earlier parts, so if I bring something up that's been previously addressed in a previous part, feel free to disregard it, etc.

Anyways, onto the review!

First thing I noticed: The grouping of the chapters together, you sly one, you. ;P Normally I'd be saying to split things, but since the chapters are fairly short, grouping them like this works without making each installment too long. I'll have to keep this technique in mind for whenever (if ever) I post up my own novels.

“That’s terrible,” said Christian.

Character commentary! Yay! I have a soft spot for characters interrupting the narration. >.>

With that said, I really enjoyed reading this, even without the context of the earlier chapters. The only thing that felt a bit off was the distinction between the narration and the storytelling. It's a bit fuzzy, and not in a good way. Supposedly, Conrad is the one narrating, yet the narration refers to him in the third-person, which is a bit of a disconnect, especially with the characters interrupting and conversing in between narrative segments. The dissonance between the narration and the narrator could use some resolving.

Is the narration narrated by a separate entity than Conrad? If so, a mention here and there of "Conrad resumed telling his story" and such similar transitions between Conrad's storytelling via dialogue and the narration itself would go a long way in smoothing things out. Changing the formatting for the different sections is another possibility, as would be combining the two techniques.

As it stands, the weakest point of these chapters is the lack of cohesiveness between the narration and narrator, so if you were to fix that up, these chapters would read like a dream.

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Iggy
Review
Iggy wrote a review Review · Mar 7, 2014

The lack of reviews you get for this makes me sad. :( But who cares, because I'm here for you. <3

“I’m laid low for a while,” Conrad said, patting his leg again gingerly.


Ugh, this is bugging me. Just the way he said that sounds weird. It doesn't quite flow off the tongue when spoken aloud, right? It's up to you, of course, but I would suggest a rewording.


Can I just gush about how much I love the care and thought you put into the back story? It is literally awesome. It clears up a lot of things, as it should, but it's also awesome because it isn't overkilled with fancy made-up terms or creatures, it isn't too complex, and the names are easy to say. Not only that, but it's interesting. xD I am now curious to know more about Conrad's dad and himself. How on earth can they live to be over a hundred and even two hundred? They must be a mythical race or something, right? *squints suspiciously* You better not be tricking me!

I just love how blind Conrad is to Christian's suddenly perked interest in going to the Rose Garden. Does he not know Minerva? Or maybe he assumes Christian is gay, as I did. >_> or maybe he just didn't notice how Christian's eyes lit up. Anyways, I found that cute. I look forward to seeing Conrad's reaction when he sees Christian with a crush. I just know he'll continue to make the poor guy blush.

I'm just gonna let you know how much I hate you for making Conrad and Christian such similar names. I keep mixing them up. <.<

<3

I'm so happy you're reading this :) Like, I have a hard time containing my happiness and not just jumping up and down like an excitable puppy whenever I see I have a review from you...

And hooray as soon as you're all the way through I can post more and bug you on your wall with more links hooray

Iggy replied · Mar 7, 2014

I like you bugging me xD this is a good story and I want to keep up with it<3



Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
— Mark Twain