The Book Man, Chapter 7 (Revised)

by BluesClues

Published February 21, 2014

E - Everyone

In The Book Man

7 IN THE GARDENS

Christian pushed his way through the crowds, frustrated with how slowly they were moving. He got on alright for a while only to find himself stuck behind a knot of people watching the feats of a fire-juggler. Fire blasted from the juggler’s mouth. Christian dodged it, crashing backwards into a white-clad magician who grunted upon impact and said, “Watch it” as cards flew from his sleeves and scattered to the ground. The crowd watching him tittered at the blunder.

Christian apologized and squeezed between two women who looked like ringmasters to get away. Rather, he tried to, but the ringmasters grabbed him about the shoulders and pulled him back to talk to him.

“Whither away so hurriedly?” one asked, laughing. She was clad all in deep purple and had tea-colored skin, tawny eyes, and a violet top hat that sat rakishly atop the golden curls that matched her eyes. “The night is young, friend! Come to my circus. The best show you could wish for! Trapeze artists, lion-tamers—”

“Rowan, my dear sister, I do beg to differ!” said the other, tugging Christian toward her. She could have been the twin of the first, but she was dressed in royal blue instead of purple and wore a monocle in her right eye. She wagged her finger at Christian and said, “Don’t listen to her, friend. Her circus is decent, to be sure—if you have the understanding of a child! But anyone at the Fair will tell you, my circus is the best. And you, my fine man, are clearly a gentleman of taste and discernment. I can tell you in truth her trapeze artists are just as likely to fall into the net as to complete their moves, and her lion-tamers—”

“Decent?” the purple-clad Rowan said. “The understanding of a child? Just because that is all the understanding you have, Finn—”

“I’m sorry,” Christian said, turning red as they tugged at him like a rope in a game of tug-o-war. They stopped bickering for a moment and turned to look at him. “I’m sorry, but I’m in a hurry and I really don’t want to go to a circus anyway.”

The two ringmasters were so shocked at his pronouncement they let go of him and stared at him wide-eyed. The blue ringmaster’s monocle popped out of her golden eye. For a moment there was an uncomfortable silence between the three of them, during which the ringmasters swelled up like toads, and then they let loose their indignation.

“Not like a circus! How could you say—?”

“But everyone wants to go to a circus!”

“Can you believe it, Rowan?”

“Not a whit, dear Finn. He doesn’t know what he wants—”

“Not like a circus!”

Christian took advantage of their distraction and ran away, bumping into several vendors, a mime, and a singer as he went. He mumbled apologies to each but did not stop until he ran right out of the crowd.

Vague directions from an old man with a barrel organ on the northern edge of the Fair sent Christian into another strand of trees bordering the clearing, these ones quieter and more organized than the woods back at the park entrance. Fairy lights were strung from the branches, leading deep into their midst, and gas lamps gleamed in their posts beyond. Even from the outside, where flames still flared and people ran amok, reveling in the clamor and glare of the carnival, Christian sensed a magic deeper and older than the one that permeated the Fairgrounds. His spine tingled with it.

He stepped into the trees.

The noise from the clearing dimmed to a distant roar. Here, instead, crickets and toads chirped and branches rustled in the nighttime breeze. He was glad of the fairy lights and gas lamps, for in the branches overhead there were wings and slithery things he could not see and shiny night-eyes he could. He shivered and hurried on through the trees.

He was on a narrow, grassy path bordered on one side by flower beds and on the other by a creek rushing in and out of the landscape, babbling as it went. Christian found himself comforted by the sound. The balloonish butterflies that had been by the park gate drifted over growths of dianthus and lavender here as well, their wings gleaming in the fairy lights. Once, Christian caught sight of a group of tall creatures who looked, at a distance, to be human, though they moved too slowly and gracefully. They made their way toward the clearing and were lost in the trees.

Now and then, he stumbled across stone pedestals sitting empty as if some artist had meant to make statues for them but never had the time or inclination. He was grateful for it; he felt a multitude of statues looming out of the shadows would only frighten him more.

After a while, a hedge reared up out of the trees. Gas lamps led into it; around it was darkness. He did not want to go in, but he was afraid to go around and could not go back to the Rover caravan without the plants he needed. Conrad was counting on him.

An iridescent purple balloon-butterfly drifted into the hedge. Christian drew courage from the sight and followed it in.

He had only wandered a short distance in when he was forced to turn either right or left to continue.

“Oh, dear,” he said to himself. “It would have to be a maze, wouldn’t it?”

He took the right-hand path and continued, hoping it was not too difficult to come out the other end without getting lost, since it was only a park maze.

He was right, for after only a few minutes of choosing his way he was in what must have been the center of the maze. It opened up into a small, round area, in the center of which was a black stone pedestal empty of anything but a small plaque. Christian crept closer to read the plaque. It said:

IN MEMORY OF MORROW

THE KING AND HIS STEED

An empty pedestal didn’t seem like much of a tribute to a king—but all the other pedestals in the gardens had been empty as well, after all. Christian didn’t understand it. Who would decorate a park with statueless pedestals?

Behind him, he heard a nicker. He jumped at the sound but turned to see a black horse near the hedge, as high at the withers as his shoulders. It gazed at him for a moment and then returned to its grass

The accountant placed a tentative hand on the horse’s side and looked around for its owner. There was no one else in the maze. The horse’s pulse moved beneath his palm; it shook its head in surprise at his touch but then quieted and continued grazing.

“Sorry,” Christian said to it. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

The horse snorted at him.

“Sorry,” he said again. He continued on his way, out the other side of the grassy area, wishing the horse would follow. It would have been nice to have some company. His head swam at the memory of the blood soaking Conrad’s leg, and the maze was hardly the kind of place to calm his nerves. The hedges were taller than he was, and shadows fell in long slants between the gas lamps running all through the maze. There was a suspicious lack of creatures: the butterflies drifted slowly through; moths gathered at the lamps, but there were no crickets or toads, nor owls flying overhead. The maze was silent, for the butterflies and moths made no sound.

Finally, however, after a dead end and one turning-around that ended him back up in the area with the horse, he reached what appeared to be the maze’s end. Beyond the hedges he saw a cobblestone pathway winding through an expanse of rose beds. This pathway was well-lit by gas lamps that showed thousands of roses: sweetheart roses, tea roses, climbing roses that crept along the path and broke the stones. Christian stepped out onto it with relief.

He wound his way along the cobblestone path with his head wagging left and right as he searched for the herb garden. The rose beds seemed to stretch on forever. They were beautiful, but he had not forgotten the urgency of his task; he wished they would end.

The back wall of the park had just come into view when he saw a long, raised bed full of herbs and flowers. He hurried forward, but as he did so something croaked above him. There was a flapping of wings and then the wings were beating him about the face, talons clutching at his hair. He cried out and tried to beat his attacker off, but it darted in and out around his head—

Then someone shouted behind him, and he ducked, and a small stone went whizzing through the air. It struck his attacker, which cawed and launched itself off his shoulders. He looked up to see a crow flapping wildly away over the park wall.

A woman spoke behind him.

“Who are you?” she said. “What are you doing in my garden?”

Comments & reviews · 10
User avatar
Deanie
Comment
Deanie commented Comment · Jul 9, 2014

Agh, I'm not sure about the ringmasters being female... It just felt RIGHT to have guys. And well, I dunno really >.> I guess other readers can't miss what they didn't have, but it's more funny and all. It's easier to picture a guy with a monocle as well.

I thought Finn might look like this:

Spoiler
Image
But you know... more ringmaster-y


Which is easier to picture than someone like this:

Spoiler
Image

(Sorry, this was the best I could find. All the other women were in some seductive pose... >>)


I will read on and see if my opinion changes. But it stands as it is now ^^

I loooooove them as women. But I think you'll warm up to them when you get to the bits where you see more of them.

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review
TimmyJake wrote a review Review · Jul 6, 2014

Timmy here for a review!

I feel like such a bad boy. I missed a day--or rather a morning. Every single morning, I would wake up to some Book Man, and drink my coffee while reviewing and reading it. Today I had to go to church, so both of us will have to be content with a later review... xD

This chapter had a layer of mystery to it, because we meet all of these things which are so strange to Christian. Its almost like he is doing something completely out of the ordinary--which it kind of is for him--and struggles to find his place, which is impossible. Actually, the only thing he really want so to do is just get out of the circus.

Those two women. My goodness. If Christian could have stayed and talked with them for hours, what a comedy that would have been. Their arguing about which circus was the best, and then when he told them he didn't want to be at a circus, their outrage. Soooo funny, and the way you expressed it. In that part of dialogue, no description of their faces or actions are necessary. The dialogue does it all perfectly. I can just see them, hear their shrill voices.

Christian apologized and squeezed between two women who looked like ringmasters to get away.


I would have to agree with Messenger on this one. This sentence need a teensy bit amount of work, just so that it makes more sense and flows better.

old man with a barrel organ on the northern edge of the Fair


Really, I don't think this part is necessary. With a character this small, this fleeting, I think that you should describe him as little as possible, since it doesn't add anything. And the sentence is a little forced feeling. Feel free to ignore me. Tis really just a stylistic nitpick

hedge reared up out of the trees.


Feel free to ignore me, but hedges don't rear. Horses rear up.

in memory of Morrow

the king and his steed


I think this would be better italicized?


This chapter was the most fantastical, to be sure. I loved the adventure, the oddities of the fair--especially the oddities, in fact. The weirdness made this chapter. Those circus people are still making me laugh... I think Christian has a lot to learn if he is to survive in this strange world, and is going to become much wiser. He will never stay inside again.

Once again, you have given us a cliff-hanger. Who is this woman? :O I must knowww. Onto the next chapter!
~Darth Timmyjake

Oops! Thanks for pointing that out about the plaque on the pedestal--it's actually supposed to be in caps, but for some reason when I copy-paste to YWS it takes away the capitals. Go figure. I meant to fix that yesterday, but I forgot!

User avatar
Pompadour
Review
Pompadour wrote a review Review · Mar 31, 2014

Blue! Back again!

I love Minerva's name. It's like, the second I read her name I was all: Harry Potter! Except, you know, it's still unique. And what with the image of the earthenware pitcher and everything, it suits her immensely. It's -- Roman? Greek? Well, whatever it is, it's beautiful!

And now that I've rambled on about it long enough, on with the review!

“Sorry,” he muttered. “Oh, dear, I am sorry.”

“Are you apologizing to the marigolds?” Minerva asked.

Despite himself, he turned red.


I laughed. So hard.

but it had been a long time since he’d really talked to any woman beyond Liza Smithson,


Who's Liza Smithson? A one-line explanation maybe? Like, Liza Smithson from--?


Minerva and Christian are adorable! But I am angry at Christian, hmph. Conrad's dying! Or might be close to dying anyway.

All your characters are very likable. I'm actually waiting for someone mean and selfish to pop up. But no complaints here, nope.

Keep writing!

<EDIT>

Hehe, I know who Liza is now. I made the connection after reading chapter twelve, and I realized she was Conrad's wife. I think the fact should be mentioned again here though.

User avatar
Lauren2010
Review
Lauren2010 wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2014

And I'm back for more ^^

Page Ten

He worked with a few women; he had dated, disastrously, in secondary school and once at university; but it had been a long time since he’d really talked to any woman beyond Liza Smithson, and he had never seen such a lovely calm creature as the one standing before him.

Okay, pet peeve time here. Why is it that in fiction, every time our protagonist approaches a somewhat attractive member of the opposite sex (or whatever sex they're attracted to) that they are immediately incapacitated by that attraction? I could believe Christian being slightly intimidated by an attractive woman, considering his apparent social anxieties, but why does her attractiveness/gracefulness/etc have to be the only thing he can think of at the moment? What happened to the hurry he was in to get these herbs to save Conrad? Wouldn't your first reaction to finding someone in this garden be "ohmygod my friend is hurt please help me find these things?" and not "gosh you're pretty"?

Basically, I feel like Christian should be paying more attention to the much more pressing matter at hand: Conrad's injury. Also, who's Liza Smithson?

“It’s immensely famous,” he said. “They’re making a movie. You’ve truly never heard of it?”

Woah, so this is modern? There needs to be a stronger grounding in time period, I think. Especially since a lot of the dialogue suggests these are not modern people - even those outside of the park speak in a very aged way, though I can accept magical people talking more like this. It's awkward and a tad confusing. Dialogue and dialect is one of the best ways to establish character and setting, so don't let that go to waste! Use it to work for you.

Page Eleven
[user]“If he hasn’t explained anything to you, I don’t think I ought to either," Imelda said. "Come back tomorrow night and you can see him.”[/user]
Another pet peeve, here. Why is it that in fantasy, people with information don't explain things? It doesn't appear that there's any good reason not to tell Christian what's going on with the park. He was allowed into it, after all, so what's the harm in filling him in a little? Plus, it's frustrating as a reader to be left out, as well.

Other than that, another lovely two chapters! I think you could probably easily fold these into one chapter as well, though these are more able to stand alone than some others I have suggested to combine. It's really up to personal choice with these ones, though I don't think you would go wrong either way.

Keep writing! Can't wait to see what happens when dawn comes and Christian is still inside the park! Will he be stuck? Will someone let him out? So much excitement!

-Lauren-

User avatar
Messenger
Review
Messenger wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2014

Messenger here for you . . .again. Getting tired of me? Too bad if you are because I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL AT LEAST CONRAD GETS HELP. Actually I am not going to leave to this journey is done, but yeah. And speaking of journeys you might want to throw in a little reminder about The Hobbit in Christian's pocket. I know I would probably have at least thought about it if I were Christian.

So should I just go ahead and give you another like before I even read this? :P Just too be fair I will not but I'm sure the like would be well-deserved. Anyway kind of rambling.

She pointed at something on the ground. It was his copy of The Hobbit; it had fallen out of his pocket in the attack.

And lo and behold it pops up! Guess I should have read on first :)

Besides, he did not want her to leave.

*Rolls eyes* No no no. You got to be kidding me. A crush? *Sobs*

And a cliffhanger ending. And let me guess that the gypsy's and the circus will be gone and he will be stuck in the park all day?could be over-thinking it but I just have a feeling. Anyway it's a nice intriguing ending. I like Imelda so far and assume Minerva will become MUCH more important later on.I really hope there isn't any soupy romance in here . . but this is your book not mine.

~Messenger

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Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Mar 27, 2014

Heya Blue!

You're writing sure is hard to review because you make it so perfect! You're great with choosing names, you don't know how much I love Minerva. Just the type of mystical name that would suite her.

And oooooh Christian has a cruuuuuush hehe :D I wonder where this'll go! You did a great job of making him the stuttering shy guy :) Who is very kind to everything, including flowers. Ah I could see how Maria and Christian would be great friends <3

The mystery of the great outside is very interesting. And the fact that Conrad is trapped inside for the day! I wonder what will happen, because obviously something strange is going on with the park. I'm looking forwards to when I get the chance to read more.

Christian had a lot of questions, but then after Imelda shook his hand with her name, they continue eating in silence? Why? Wouldn't Christian decide to ask his questions, or maybe you should mention he was too shy to or something.

Deanie x

Minerva is not at all named after Professor McGonagall in Harry Potter except yes that is exactly who she's named after

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Tenyo
Review
Tenyo wrote a review Review · Mar 11, 2014

I'm baaack~

Page ten

Love is in the air~

So, what I really love about this part is the attention to detail. Particularly the part where Christian is twisting the stem of the flower and apologising to it. It's such a simple thing but that extra bit of description makes it beautiful.

Page eleven

Pop-up circus! =D

This novel is really enchanting, I'm glad you keep posting. That question I asked earlier about whether it was another world or in the park makes more sense now, but it still might be ideal to mention it.


Minerva

As much as I like Minerva as a character I think her opening description could be better. Fair skin and dark hair and dark eyes and gold bangles and a white tunic... it feels a little more like a what-she-looks-like checklist. You're amazing with descriptions and bringing things to life, and if Minerva is to be a character of importance then I feel like you can use this opportunity even more.

Oh, and Theresecricket's already got that nitpick regarding the placement of the semi-colon in that sentence. Semi-colon's connect clauses, you generally don't find them next to an 'and' otherwise you've got two things next to each other that are doing the same job.

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ladcat13
Review
ladcat13 wrote a review Review · Feb 23, 2014

Hello! Ladcat here for a review.

Now I gotta say, I've been following your story for some time now and I think it's superb. You have excellent word choice, you can write nice descriptions, and you have a very promising plot started here. I look forward to each new page and read it eagerly. But I feel like it's too... abrupt. It's too long to be a short story, of course, but I feel like it won't be long enough for a full-length novel. I feels too sparse. I want more of Christian's thoughts and feelings, and more in-depth descriptions of what's happening. It seems kind of flat, if you know what I mean. I won't stop reading, though; I really want to see what happens. While your writing style may not be to my taste, your plot is thrilling!

So as always, keep writing! -Ladcat

I'm so sorry! I totally didn't notice that someone else had commented here...anyway, I'm glad you've been reading! This actually is a full novel--I know the chapters are short, but the full print-out of the novel on 8 1/2x11 paper (which is what I gave to my friends to read and review) is 171 pages and about 79,000 words.

So sorry I didn't get to you for like a week and a half...I have no idea how I missed your review but I'm glad I found it.

ThereseCricket wrote a review Review · Feb 23, 2014

Hi there! Cricket wants to review your work!

I like doing the nitpicks first, so bear with me, OK!

She had fair skin and dark hair that curled about her face, and her eyes were dark too; and she wore thin golden bangles on her wrist


So in this sentence I saw a couple of problems. I'm just going to write out what I think it should look like. " She had fair skin and dark hair that curled about her face; her eyes were dark too, and she wore thin golden bangles on her wrist".

I have got to say though; your work is a review's nightmare! I can't find anything to critique! I'm getting frustrated! I suppose that's a good thing, but how am I supposed to help you, if there's nothing to critique!

Oh,Oh, wait! I found something!

“Almost sunrise,” she said. “You had better get going.”


So maybe you could add "Its" onto the beginning of the sentence.

And that's it! You are an amazing writer! Especially if even Iggy couldn't find anything wrong with your work! So bye!

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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Iggy
Review
Iggy wrote a review Review · Feb 21, 2014

<3

First off, Minerva. Excellent name choice, because a.) Roman goddess and counterpart of Athena and b.) Professor McGonagall. ;)

Anyways, for le review!

“Truly, no. Perhaps—”Here she gave him a sideways glance that seemed almost shy


Need a space after the dialogue and before "here." :)


Ugh, give me more to critique, will you?! I feel useless, wasting a review with all my fangirling but OH WELL BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU this is getting gooood. Now I see why your sister shipped Christian and Minerva- or did she? If she didn't, we'll be having some words, because this is amazing, they're cute together, and I called it. Chriserva or something, I dunno, I'll come up with a ship later xD

But no, you rock at this. I'm picky with reading fantasy, because people either make it too complex for my small brain or they overkill it, but you are doing so good with this. I mean, you aren't using cliches, like vampires or werewolves (yet) so that wins you brownie points. And the way you write is just ugh, hate you. I like the fact that you brought in Minerva because it strengthens Christian's reason to come back to the park. I mean, duh, also because of Conrad, but I have a faint suspicion that he would chicken out if it was just Conrad.. ANYWAYS.

The gypsy, Imelda, makes me cry because I wanna know things and SHE WON'T TELL ME. Tell us. :'( I don't wanna wait for Conrad to wake up! But I think that, with the way you ended this, Christian will end up trapped for the night because he went inside to get the key?! I guess I'll see soon enough, ja? 8D

I'M LOVE THIS OKAY post more soon.

Omg I don't even care if you don't have improvements to suggest b/c your comments make me so giddy with happiness that it's amazing.

And yes, she named them Chrinerva, which is pretty close to yours anyway :) AREN'T THEY ADORBS?

Okay, sorry, fangirling over. I'mma be gone on Saturday but I'm posting one more installment tomorrow before I leave for my silence retreat and then I'll be back Sunday.



the crickets are humongous
— snapshot