z

Young Writers Society



Together

by Sionarama


Us together in the backseat

With me feeling along your
goose-bumped-legs

Like a different type of Morse code,
one

We have to figure out as one.




This is a different kind of teenage
dream,

With the stale smell of smoke on your

Worn out skin. We are both too young
for this.

Who knew we would get this far?




It’s midnight and this is when we
would hover in bed

Waiting for the ghosts and ghouls to
snatch us.

But now it is different, the only
ghosts snatching us

Will be the ones
from our past, murky as a lake.




Our clean and pure forms have been
warped

We are at a different stage, a
different dimension than others

Too male and too female we are the same
and different

The same charge of magnet being forced
to meet.




Who knew growing up would be so hard?

I did, from the minute I saw

Those dark eyes, they caught me in
hypnosis

And I knew it when I drank in your opal
essence.

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User avatar
394 Reviews

Points: 16710
Reviews: 394

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Tue Oct 29, 2013 3:55 pm
KnightTeen wrote a review...



Hi, Knight Teen of the Green Room Knights here to review.

Can I just say that your avatar is epic, by the way.

This was...........

I don't really know how to describe it. I liked the way that you split up your lines and stanzas, it gave it this kind of rhythm that I have never seen (nor read) before.

Your imagery (for example, the line about the goosebumps being like Morse code) is quiet amazing. If there is one thing that I like in poetry besides feeling, it's imagery. The reader is lost without it, so it's a good thing that you have it.


The only thing that you could fix is the large gap between the review box and the end of the piece. It's rather unnecessary.

I want to say that this is really intense, but I hate repeating what has already been said.

So I looked up some synonyms for the word, and this is what I got.

passionate, impassioned, ardent, fervent, zealous, vehement, fiery, emotional

I think that they all work to describe this.

Anyways, enough of my monologue. I really liked this, and you are a fantastic writer.

KT




User avatar
14 Reviews

Points: 322
Reviews: 14

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Mon Oct 28, 2013 9:30 pm
gabrielle23 wrote a review...



wow, very intense!!! i like intense
the situation was great because well most teenagers are going through this everyday
the killing temptation to take it to the next level so great!!
but as for your imagery, well it kinda didnt support the poem, you went from a sexual temptation to a ghoulish delight, dont get me wrong if thats what you were aiming for as a theme of your poem well great, as i say in all my reviews that everybody has a style of writting and know one actually knows the true meaning of your poems but you. i honestly loved it though, punctions were missing but thats fixable(:
i hope to see more work from you!!!!





And you have to flaunt the weird, my friends.
— Alex Fierro