Us together in the backseat
With me feeling along your goose-bumped-legs
Like a different type of Morse code, one
We have to figure out as one.
This is a different kind of teenage dream,
With the stale smell of smoke on your
Worn out skin. We are both too young for this.
Who knew we would get this far?
It’s midnight and this is when we would hover in bed
Waiting for the ghosts and ghouls to snatch us.
But now it is different, the only ghosts snatching us
Will be the ones from our past, murky as a lake.
Our clean and pure forms have been warped
We are at a different stage, a different dimension than others
Too male and too female we are the same and different
The same charge of magnet being forced to meet.
Who knew growing up would be so hard?
I did, from the minute I saw
Those dark eyes, they caught me in hypnosis
And I knew it when I drank in your opal essence.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Hi, Knight Teen of the Green Room Knights here to review.
Can I just say that your avatar is epic, by the way.
This was...........
I don't really know how to describe it. I liked the way that you split up your lines and stanzas, it gave it this kind of rhythm that I have never seen (nor read) before.
Your imagery (for example, the line about the goosebumps being like Morse code) is quiet amazing. If there is one thing that I like in poetry besides feeling, it's imagery. The reader is lost without it, so it's a good thing that you have it.
The only thing that you could fix is the large gap between the review box and the end of the piece. It's rather unnecessary.
I want to say that this is really intense, but I hate repeating what has already been said.
So I looked up some synonyms for the word, and this is what I got.
passionate, impassioned, ardent, fervent, zealous, vehement, fiery, emotional
I think that they all work to describe this.
Anyways, enough of my monologue. I really liked this, and you are a fantastic writer.
KT
wow, very intense!!! i like intense
the situation was great because well most teenagers are going through this everyday
the killing temptation to take it to the next level so great!!
but as for your imagery, well it kinda didnt support the poem, you went from a sexual temptation to a ghoulish delight, dont get me wrong if thats what you were aiming for as a theme of your poem well great, as i say in all my reviews that everybody has a style of writting and know one actually knows the true meaning of your poems but you. i honestly loved it though, punctions were missing but thats fixable(:
i hope to see more work from you!!!!